A Conversation: So why do YOU blog?

I recently got into a rather heated discussion in the comments of a friend's blog about her thoughts on the Carpe Diem post that has not only made its way around the internet, but that has been printed out and handed to me by both my church leaders and by the leaders of a local parenting resource center I am involved with.  But back to the heated discussion...I have always considered it a mark of a good friendship if you can disagree but remain friends even if you find it hard to respect the other person's point of view.  At the point of writing this, I'm still not sure if my online friendship has endured this latest trial - I'm hoping 'yes', but I have a pit in my stomach that is trying to convince me it is 'no'.

Blogging is strange; it is very hard to truly know someone through writing, alone.  I will be perfectly honest in stating that my entire life is not available on my blog - nor would it be if you added up my other internet presences - Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, etc.  When specifically considering what I blog about, my life is more nuanced than my writing is able to capture.  Thus, if I am writing specifically about my life, I tend to write for my own need to clarify situations.  However, since it is a blog, and since there is a readership, I value the discourse that is afforded to my thoughts and ruminations whether the comments agree with my writings or not (though who are we kidding, I much prefer the former...don't we all?).

Here's one thing I am sure of.  There are many people, myself included, who find value in online communities.  Whether we join in on the conversations or watch from the sidelines, we are automatically entered into the discourse of each blog or message board we read just by our presence.  For many of us, especially those of us in the season of parenting, online communities are an additional resource for support in a world that can seem alienating and isolating.  So while I want to continue to blog about the benign things in my life that make me smile, the joys and challenges of mothering two children under the age of 3 or even about the existential mini-crises of my days, I also want this blog to become more conversational.  I want to know your experiences and your opinions.  Even if we as a group or as individuals disagree or potentially go so far as to offend each other with our opinions, even if it is so bad that we just can't come to terms with each other in the comments, I have to hope that were we all to meet in person some day, that we would find we are all civil, caring individuals and we would let bygones be bygones.

So, tell me, why do YOU blog?  What do you hope to get out of it?  Are your readers and commenters part of your consideration when blogging?  If not, do they become part of your consideration once the conversation has started?  Do you have personal rules of engagement on your blog? And lastly, if you care to share, where is the blogging space you call home?

Teachable Moments

Imagine a scenario where you are walking out of your mom group at your church with your sweet, three month old daughter in her stroller and you see ahead of you a group of young adolescents calling out to one another. You realize that the group is teasing another adolescent who seems to be a friend but has chosen to go running the other direction.  They chide him and one girl calls out, "Fuck you, you fucking whore...  Why don't you just lick it...fucking lick it, lick it, lick it."

As you come closer to the group, since they are directly between you and the destination of your car, you look at your daughter's lovely, innocent face and your heart breaks for the young girl who can't be more than 12 years old and you remember your own early adolescence and the importance of proving yourself to your friends.  You catch the girl's eyes and say calmly to her, "You are worth so much more than that language.  You are beautiful.  Don't ever forget your worth."

If this were a Hallmark movie-of-the-week or a Church of Latter Day Saints commercial, the music would swell, the girl would hold back as her friends continued forward and there might be a moment of reflection in her eyes as she considers your remarks while you continue along thinking maybe you made a difference.

If you were Tina Fey as Liz Lemon on 30 Rock, the girl would cuss you out and then laugh with her friends while running along saying, "why don't you stay out of my fucking business".

One guess on which one happened to me this morning.

But it doesn't matter.

All I can do is pray that we succeed in raising our daughter in a way that someday when she is with her friends and making choices on her own without the benefit of having her mother there to guide her, some day when she is tempted by her freedom to show off for her friends, that that she will know her worth, that she will remember the worth of others and that she will make the right choices to honor her parents, her God, her friends and herself.

Nursery Transition

Well this is exciting...my post on FLOR's design blog, Musings, about transitioning our nursery was featured on Baby Lifestyles the other day.  You can see the original post here and the feature here.

On mommy olympics and a revisit to past glamour

I posted this on a mommy board I belong to earlier today, but since it is almost a year to the day of THIS GLAMOROUS OUTING AT THE CHILDREN'S MUSEUM, I figured I would post it here too...

If mothering were a judged Olympic sport I think I'd deserve a bronze medal. Here's my case for today: I scored well for getting both kids out of the house, into the car and into the children's museum from our parking spot four blocks and one parking garage away. The judges loved how I brought my Moby wrap so Ladybug didn't need the stroller once we got in. My piece de resistance was tearing Little G away from the trains in the toddler room to go potty on the only little kid potty at the museum. This required waiting in line and then summoning him away from the trains from across the room - then going to retrieve him w/o losing my space in line. Once inside the bathroom, I scored well on the technicalities of changing Ladybug while helping Little G on the potty and then I tried my big 'jump' and tried to go potty myself. Unfortunately, after an awe inspiring performance so far, I forgot that the 'tail' of my Moby wrap was in the back (since I'm too bulky for it to wrap around front) and I dipped it in the toilet when sitting down. The toddler judge noticed immediately and docked my score. Fortunately I ended well with Little G making a showing on the potty, me getting everyone dressed again, getting everyone's hands washed and getting out the door and back to the trains just in time for our ending pose with me feeding a screaming Ladybug while Little G played.

So there you go. My bronze medal in mothering. If only there wasn't another tournament in 20 minutes and I hadn't been disqualified from the going-to-bed event last night.

Ladybug's official announcement

I just posted about this over at my LimoncelloSTYLE blog - but wanted to post it here so you all could see how the announcements for the Ladybug came out

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Ladybug was born on October 27, nine days ahead of schedule.  She'll go by her middle name which was quite a challenge to announce.  I finally decided to create a piece with her photo on the front and a small explanation on the inside of the meaning of her first and middle names.  But I also didn't want to outright say she'd go by her middle name. Click on the photo's below to see how we managed to convey the information.

I used the most delicious paper from Envelopments for this announcement.  The paper is two sided in cream and gray.  I matched the typefaces to the gray of the cardstock and then used a tart-y pink layering piece for the photo on the front paired with a peach shimmer envelope.

So far we haven't heard anyone call her by her first name who has received the announcement, so we must have conveyed this successfully!

A letter to Little G

To my dear, sweet Little G on the occasion of turning 2 and a half - 

It has been a while since I have written to you so bear with me if I seem a little rusty.  You are about to turn two and a half in just a few days and as per usual, I am in awe that we have come so far.  You are the most bright little boy I have ever encountered.  Beyond knowing words and phrases and being able to make sentences, you know your world.  You know our family and the people in it and how important you are to all of us.  You love your new baby sister in a way that I have never witnessed before and in a way that I certainly wouldn't have expected from someone so young.

I am forever proud of you and your abilities and your strengths.  And I can see your weaknesses and how you struggle to work through them.  You are so spirited and full of life and love.  Your hugs can cure any ailment.  Your kisses are sticky and lovely.  

I can remember back into the summer when you turned two.  We had such an amazing summer filled with special trips and daily outings.  You took care of mommy and were gentle with her mind and her heart this summer and then as we transitioned into the fall and into the unknown of having a fourth family member, you blossomed right in front of us; transforming from a toddler to a preschooler - from an observer to an active participant in the everyday workings of our family.  

You sing beautiful songs to me in the car when we travel.   You add phrases to the standards to make them more fun.  Who knew that we were row, row, rowing our boat into the mouth of a crocodile(!) or that the itsy-bitsy spider and the twinkly twinkly stars shared the same sun.  

Every morning, when you wake, you ask for daddy and mommy and your new baby sister.  You want to share everything with her - toys, songs, hugs, kisses, love, music, trains.  You make sure she is covered with a blanket and warm whenever she is lying near.  And when she cries, you let us know she is sad.

Little G, you will always be my first born. You were the one who introduced me to incomprehensible amount of love a person can feel for their child and I will treasure that forever.

I love you infinitively and always,

Mommy

Living Intentionally

You might have noticed that I fell of the WEverb11 bandwagon pretty soon into it.  I believe I made it a week.

It isn't that I didn't want to write and it isn't that I wasn't inspired by the prompts.  I just ran out of time.

We are dealing with a very stressful situation with Little G at his daycare which was the overwhelming theme of our month but in and around all of that stress was the whole holiday insanity of getting presents and wrapping them and sending out Christmas cards and stocking stuffers and holiday baking and tree decorating and parties and visits from friends and trying to ensure that our 2.5 year old learns for the first time what Christmas actually is and, oh right, A NEWBORN!!  Throw into that mix the head cold that Little G brought home from daycare that manifested itself in me as bronchitis and you can see how the month just totally got away from me.

Interestingly enough, though I provided a WEverb prompt, it was not chosen as one of the 31 and yet was the one that I was most interested in reflecting upon.  Specifically, it was about living intentionally.  Did I feel that I lived intentionally in the past year and what was my plan to succeed in that regard for 2012.

It is hard when you have a baby to think back to what life was like before they showed up.  They are all consuming from moment one and by the time you get a chance to reflect on what your life was like before they joined it, the memory has slipped far enough away that it is too demanding to bring it up again.

I do know that I waste a lot of time on the internet.  Some of that has to do with my writing for FLOR.  When looking for inspiration it isn't uncommon for me to find myself lost after having followed an idea down a rabbit hole and all of the sudden it has been over an hour and I haven't done anything productive. I also have an unhealthy obsession with keeping my blog reader clear of new entries.  That goes for Facebook and Twitter as well - I HAVE to read everything.  With an iPhone and an iPad and now my iMac, it is easier than ever to space out from real life for a minute or two and quickly 'check' something or look something up.

And it is so easy to get caught up in thinking that I HAVE to be as creative as all the impossibly-perfect mommy-designer bloggers and everything in my life from my everything drawer to my drinking straws to the pillows on my couch HAS to be just as lovely as those I see on Pinterest.  But my couch will live if it doesn't have navy and gray chevron-striped throw pillows.  And I will be just as loved by my family and friends if I don't have place cards at my next impromptu pizza night.

I am so competitive that it is extraordinarily easy for me to get caught up in the race to be the trendiest, the cutest, the most thoughtfully detailed, etc.  And in doing so, I no longer am living my life with my family intentionally.  I become a shell of myself, determined to make things better, brighter, cuter, more design-y when they would love me best if I would show up to dinner.  FULLY show up...not only without my iPhone but without my mind wandering TO my iPhone.

Some of this is hyperbole.  I am exaggerating a bit to make a point.  But still, if I want to live more intentionally in 2012 than the first thing I need to do is be more aware of those things that eat away at my time and my focus and the internet is the number one thing that does this.

So how do I plan to rectify this?  I'm not exactly sure.  I do know that with two kids in the house, I don't have the time I used to have.  It just doesn't exist anymore.  So what I need to do is focus on what my plan is for the time I DO have.  And I think the best thing for me is to blog intentionally.  How is that going to help my family?  What that means to me is that I am going to blog what I want to blog and not what I think I should blog.  I am going to pledge to write what I want to write, not because I care what an audience might think, but because it is what I need to put down on 'paper'.  If I sign up for a series of prompts, I will allow myself to deviate and to fit the prompts into my life rather than vice a versa.

This is a promise to myself to live more intentionally both for my own personal benefit and for the benefit of my family.  So that I am relieved of the pressure to be more and/or different than who I am and I can return my focus to the wonderful life and beautiful family I already have.

So tell me, do you hope to live more intentionally this year and how does that look for you?

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I tried to participate in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house) and ended up needing to reflect and renew on more than it could prompt me to.

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

The Ladybug is 2 months old

Dear sweet Ladybug.  You are two months old already.  When your brother was born, we missed his one month update as well.  It seems that between being born and having your two month birthday, so much goes on that it is impossible to sit down and write it all for month one.  So here I am, trying to remember back over the past two months. 

Well, here's something I remember clearly.  You were born.  We didn't get a whole bunch of pictures of you being born like we did with your brother because you came so fast!  These were all taken on mommy's iPhone because we didn't even have the camera out yet!

Because you were born so late on a Thursday night, we stayed in the hospital until Sunday.  We were all ready to go home by that time.  Your brother came to visit you in the hospital but you were just starting to breastfeed and he wanted to be up on the bed and once he was up there, he was squirming and kicking and wanted to get close to mommy.  So your dad had to take him out of the room.  We tried to do it again once they came back, but Little G had a major tantrum in the hospital room, so Daddy took him home.  That's why we don't have a single picture of the two of you together when you were first born.  I'm so sorry about that...but trust me, you are better off for it :)

Soon after you were born, Gram came to meet you.  You were a touch jaundiced, so the instructions were to keep you in the sun.  Gram was really good at doing that.

While Gram was here, we took your picture for your birth announcement and we were able to capture the beautiful gray eyes you had when you were born.  They are already changing to brownish green, so I am glad we have record of your gray eyes.

We eventually tried again to get a picture of you and Little G together, but this time you were the uncooperative one.

Finally, we succeeded one day in your first month while you were both on the couch.

Even thoughI am in my pajamas and even though the background of this picture belies the state of chaos our living room seems to have been in since you were born, this is one of my favorite pictures taken since you were born. You are so snuggly and lovely and gentile.  For the first few weeks of your life, your daddy and I joked that you slept 23 hours of the day, but it seemed to be true.  You were definitely difficult to rouse to eat those first few weeks!

When you first came home, Little G insisted on participating in all of your activities with you.  Whether it be bouncy chair, gymini or in mommy's arms, Little G insisted you do it together.  Your brother is so gentle with you and loves you so much.  For the first few weeks you were home, he called you Clarin-in-in-n-n-na, but now he seems to have a better handle on it correcting us to call you Clarinnna (he's not so great at pronouncing "d's".

Grammy and Grampy came to meet you for your firstThanksgiving and you turned one month old.  You outgrew all of your newborn and 0-3 month outfits from Carters...but who are we kidding, they size them too small.

Aunt K and Martha came to visit soon after Grammy and Grampy left and you charmed them with your sweet disposition.

We tried to get a family photo, but mommy had to rely on propping the camera up on the recycling bin in order to get it (one of the pitfalls of not living near family that you can just call up and ask to take your picture).  Little G was too interested in the pile of leaves anyway...but this was our first picture taken as a family.

Often times you fall asleep during tummy time which is definitely not what we were used to with your brother who screamed 15 seconds into tummy time every. single. time.  We are trying so hard not to continuously compare you to your brother and vice a versa, but it is so striking how different your personalities are.  As daddy says, Little G came out with his hair on fire...you we can barely wake up to eat.  And on the eating front it is hilarious to me that Little G would suck down his bottle in one fall swoop...like a piranha.  You, however, take your time...we joke that you swirl it around in your mouth and sip it like fine wine.

Everynight when Little G goes to bed, you come with us to read his bed time story.  Then, as of the past few weeks, we have put you to bed too...usually around 8:00pm...and you have gotten up anywhere between 2 and 4 in the morning for a snack and then gone back to bed until time to take Little G to daycare.  This is pretty much the same schedule that he had at your age, so we are glad to be on the same track.

We've been getting baby smiles from you in the past few weeks.  I think the first one was around week 5 or 6.  One thing I have noticed is that it doesn't seem as though you have any dimples.  But you have hair.  Lots and lots of beautiful, thick, fuzzy hair.  It is without-a-doubt, the first thing anyone comments on when they see you.  I had this hair when I was your age - my dad used to tell me how people commented all the time about how beautiful my hair was.  Usually this was during a total meltdown and hairbrush-throwing session since I also had this hair up until 6th grade.  So I promise to let you venture into the world of hair products as soon as you want to.  But here's a secret.  As much as I hated my hair growing up, I can't not begin to describe how much I love yours and thus actually forgive my head of hair for being so horrid all of those years.

A couple of weeks ago, I started flipping you over to your tummy after diaper changes since you would be really awake and alert and you started lifting your head up at a 45 degree angle.  You've also been giving us beautiful smiles and small coo's.  

Just before Christmas, you and your brother visited with Santa.  You were none to impressed, but he was totally smitten.

Ladybug, you are without a doubt, the most delicious baby.  We are so filled with joy to have you in our lives and we are so proud of all of your achievements.  These past two months have flown by in a way that is positively scary.  Part of it is because you were born so close to Halloween and then very quickly it was Thanksgiving and then Christmas...a time of year that goes quickly for those WITHOUT kids...so you can only imagine how fast it has seemed for us.

One thing I have learned from mothering your brother is that we really have to hold on to these days because they do go so very, very fast.  We all love you more than we ever thought was possible.  The moment you were born, my heart and my capacity to love grew.  It was so strange to be in the hospital with you and think to myself that we had a whole other child at home waiting to meet you.  I can barely remember our lives without you in it.

Until next month my love...

Mommy

The Coolest Thing I Ever Upcycled is also My Proudest Creation...

...which is great because those are TWO of the five official blogging topics for the PartSelect.com $5,000 GE Appliance Giveaway!  So in the interest of winning us a cool $5,000 smacker-ooos which would be so very, very appreciated in this the-dishwasher-sometimes-gets-stuck-in-heat-up-mode and the washer-sometimes-doesn't-empty-the-water household, I'm reposting this amazing, awesome-sauce reverse stencil dresser project that I completed this Summer for my son's big-boy bedroom.  Seriously, this project is without a shadow of a doubt the coolest DIY project I have ever accomplished...if you search for 'reverse stencil dresser' on Pinterest you get hundreds of hits of this dresser.  It is my greatest brush with fame thusfar in my life.

So, without further ado...the full Reverse Stencil Dresser post:

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I did it!!

Remember that craaaaaZZy pants idea I had about reverse stenciling a ship onto a Craigslist-dresser-find?  Well...I did it...so I have now gone from this:



to THIS!!



Now...you can stop reading here and just admire the pretty reverse stenciling (pardon my complete lack of modesty...I'm ridiculously proud of this dresser)  OR you can read on for the step-by-step process...

I miss him.

Apologies for anyone who has already seen this on my Facebook...it has been a loooong, sad, frustrating day and I got thrown under the bus several times plus I'm pretty sure I have the flu.  Or Mono.  Or maybe just a head cold paired with incalculable amounts of lost sleep.

In addition to everything else that's going on, today I am thinking about Rhode Island Luaus, Cereal, the Aflac duck, a big orange kitty and this essay I wrote earlier in the year: For My Dad on His Day.

Travel

At the end of February, Little G and I visited my mom in Pennsylvania.  While there, we discovered I was pregnant!

In March, we visited my brother and sister-in-law in Rochester, NY to meet our new nephew.  Here we are at the butterfly exhibit in the Children's Museum.

In April, we headed out to the Frozen Four Hockey Tournament in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Then I traveled back to PA for a girl's weekend to watch the Royal Wedding and hit up the Spa at the Hershey Hotel!

In May, my husband and I took an amazing trip to Cascais, Portugal.

While in Cascais, we spent a day wandering around Lisbon.

In July, we celebrated the 4th in the Adirondacks.

Then I got to take a quick mommy-only overnight trip to Philadelphia to see U2 with my sister.

The month rounded out with our yearly trip to the Jersey Shore.

Finally, in late September, we headed to the Vinyards of the North Fork of Long Island for a family wedding.

The year was filled with so many amazing and fun travel opportunities.  I am so incredibly thankful to be able to do these fun things with my family throughout the year.

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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 7 was:

Favor

Where did you travel this year? What was your favorite part? If you didn’t get to travel, where do you want to go next year?

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Favor

July is the beginning of the summer when there is still promise of what is to come. July is when we celebrate our nation's and my son's birthdays. This year, July meant my in-laws coming to visit, a trip to Philly (without a toddler) to see U2, an extended time of vacation at my mom and sister's house and of course, our yearly trip to the beach.

I grew up a mile from the ocean. I'm a Jersey Girl. Not of the MTV variety...but of the Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Down-the-Shore variety. My family has all transplanted elsewhere around the country, but we still yearn for summer at the beach. A couple of years ago, my sister and I decided to stop talking about getting back to the beach and go for it. We wanted to introduce our kids to the roar of the waves and the joy of skidding along them on a boogie board. To the beauty of the ocean first thing in the morning and the chaos of the beach in the middle of the afternoon. And to how much sweeter ice cream tastes when there is salt on your lips.

We go in July and thus my year is neatly divided into two parts...I spend August through December remembering how great the beach was and January through June looking forward to our next trip.

July was my favorite month of 2011 and I am already looking forward to it being my favorite month of 2012.


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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 6 was:

Favor

What was your favorite month of 2011? Why did it beat out all 11 other months?







Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Befriend

Little G and I had stepped quickly into a store in our neighborhood - one of several in a small enclave of boutiques and restaurants in our little corner of the bigger city.  The resident doggie came over to the stroller for some sniffs and a woman commented that her children would love to see the doggie too.  With that, a new friend was made.

She has twins, a few months younger than Little G.  She lives two blocks away from me.  She's witty and smart and fun and awesome and her children and Little G get along well.  But I rarely get to see her.  Our schedules are different and Little G is in daycare now, full time.

We catch up via blogs and Facebook - we know the comings and goings of our lives.  But we haven't connected in person in many months.  Too many.  Thankfully the good thing about good new-friends is that the REALLY good ones are like really good OLD-friends: you can be apart long periods of time, yet reconnect really well no matter how long you've been separated - a bit like lost puzzle pieces.


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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 5 was:

Befriend

Did you meet any new friends this year? How did they impact your 2011?







Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Haiku

Cascais, U2, Beach
Her presence felt everywhere
And then she arrived
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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 4 is:

Write a Haiku

Sum up your year, via haiku.








Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Learn

The day was sticky and we were both tired.  Our plans to meet a friend had fallen through, but we still needed to get some lunch before the long trek home on the train and bus with our vegetable share.  Little G and I sat at a lunch counter and looked out at the passing traffic.  Our conversation was a combination of him requesting various forbidden things - chips, cookies, to get down and run among the customers waiting in line, to be all done with his hot dog, to go visit the fire truck that just passed by - and him pointing out as many things as he could recognize and insisting that I repeat his words.  By the end of lunch we were both tired of each other.

As I packed up our lunch things and tidied our crumbs, a woman about my own mother's age caught my eye and said, "you have so much patience".  My dreary eyes welled with tears.  Patience is not my gift; I've had to learn it.

It is a lesson learned every day as I mother a spirited child.  Sometimes I think I've got it down; many times I fail miserably.  Always, it is one of the most important things I can give my child.

--
I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 3 was:

Learn

What lesson did you learn in 2011 from “The School of Life” rather than a classroom?






Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Listen

The other day I watched an episode of Glee on the DVR.  The Glee club was doing its best to honor a member who needed some help accepting who she was and they sang Pink's anthem, Less Than Perfect.

I wrote about this song earlier in the year as it truly spoke to me every time I heard it and it encouraged me no matter what mood I was in to stop and think and believe in myself as a good mother to my son.

As I look back at 2011, Less Than Perfect is the one song that truly comes to mind as one that could completely change my mood.

Looking forward to 2012, I can only imagine that there will be much more music in my life.  Children's laughter will most certainly permeate the air of our home and that is the best music of all.

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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 2 was:

Listen

What song did you listen to in 2011 to completely change your mood? Think about ways you can you add more music to your life in 2012.





Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Some final thoughts on my birthing experience

I had a few other things I wanted to take note of before closing the book on my birthing experience.  Bear with me as I plow through these:

• When I was about to leave for the hospital I had a moment where I got very, very emotional about the support team we had in place to take care of Little G.  The logistics surrounding the birth event were going to be potentially complex and without knowing what day or time I was going to go in labor just made it even more confusing.  We don't have any family that lives closer than a 7.5 hour drive, so having a support system in place was key to my being able to relax when I eventually DID go into labor.
  
  In those moments before we left for the hospital, as I was thinking about our support team, I became overwhelmed with gratitude and thanksgiving.  Some of the friends involved we've known for years, some we know more closely than others, some we only just met a year ago...but they are all such important parts of our lives and I am eternally grateful not only for their willingness to be heavily involved with the plans and logistics of getting Little G taken care of but for their friendship and support.  See...I'm gonna cry again.
  
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• I am so glad I downloaded a contractions timer app for my iPhone.  I had downloaded it a few weeks prior when I had been having contractions about every 10 minutes.  They were Braxton Hicks, but it was still interesting to see the patterns.  Even now, looking back, it has been invaluable as a resource to see exactly what was going on at what point during the day.  The app I downloaded was called Full Term and it was so simple to use.  Just a button saying stop and start, plus the ability to erase the last contraction (if you got button happy) or erase the whole history (if you weren't sure if you were in labor and started the timer a week early or something foolish like that :).  I also liked that it allowed me to see the intervals since the last contraction and the average over the hour. Tracking my contractions like that all day long was actually a great way to keep my mind focused. Lastly, I was able to download the whole thing into a spreadsheet to keep for my records.  I highly recommend it.
  
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• Working with our doula again was one of the best decisions we made.  My husband likes to joke that he wished he had her job because she just shows up for a few minutes until someone has a baby and then she's done.  But her job is so much more than that!  First off, for most people, birth takes waaaaaaay longer than it did both times for us :).  Secondly, even though my births were both fast, the level of support she offered along the way was invaluable.
  
  Probably the biggest value to me, and the number one reason why I am so glad we hired her again, was the fact that while I was convulsing on the table after giving birth, she was there with me holding my hand, explaining what was going on and keeping me calm while my husband was with our new baby.  Additionally, being able to call her during the day and get her opinion on things and listen to her advice was so helpful.  She also was a huge support while we were in the car driving to the hospital...I was in transition through some of that drive and I just don't think I could have done it without her.  Lastly, it was so great to be able to talk to her about my birth experience afterwards.  Both births, she has made an appointment to visit with us a couple of weeks after we got home and her perspective has been amazingly helpful.  I wouldn't have been able to pull together my birth stories without her additional information.
  
  When I first got pregnant with Ladybug, my husband asked if I wanted to call our doula again and work with her.  To be honest, I wasn't sure it was necessary but I told him if it made him more comfortable, than we should do it.  Now that I have experienced birth as a newbie and as a veteran, both times with a doula at my side, I can say that it was totally worth it to have her there, I would work with her for any other pregnancies we may/may not have and I highly recommend to all expecting mothers to work hiring a doula into any birth plan and/or budget.
  

Choose One Word

Everything from my business to my belly grew this year.  My family grew last month.  My heart grew the instant my daughter was born.  My patience for my son grew over the long summer.  My love for my husband grew daily as he helped support our family.  It has been a year filled with so many things and events and happenings as our calendars grew over over the course of the year.  Challenged to encapsulate the year with one word, I choose growth.

A year from now, as I look back over the year, I hope to be able to answer this challenge with the word present.  My world is ever evolving and changing and, yes, growing - and it is incredibly hard to stay in the moment.  Especially when mothering within the confines of the lonely stay-at-home existence makes it so luring to be continuously plugged in.  This year, I hope to be present in my life, my husband's life and my children's lives - to allow myself the freedom to release myself from the online world enough to be present in my own world.

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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house).  The prompt for December 1 was:


Choose One Word

Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why. Imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you.

In the spirit of where this all started… this is the same first prompt from 2010.

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Some more thoughts on my birthing experience

Our doula came over a couple of weeks ago to follow up with us, as she did in the weeks after Little G was born too.  Along with getting to meet Ladybug again, we talked about the birth experience and compared our various stories.  It was really great to see her again.  If you think about it, this is someone that has been with us for both of the most momentous occasions of our lives...and then when all is said and done, she walks away from the hospital and on to her next family.  Setting time to get together when things calm down a bit is a great way to get some closure - especially this time, since the birth was SO fast.

Talking with her also gave me a chance to discuss some of the feelings I had immediately after giving birth with someone who has a bit more experience than my husband...who has just as much insight as I have, having only done this once before.  Here are a few things we discussed beyond the basic birth story that I found interesting.

• When we got to the hospital, we both had a fear that the nurses wouldn't LET me give birth there!
  
  My OB had given me instructions to call his answering service before heading to the hospital.  He was out of town at a conference and had practically begged me not to go into labor before he got back since he missed Little G's birth too!  Just prior to leaving for the hospital, we called the answering service and let them know I was on the way.  I wasn't privy to the conversation because I was in deep labor somewhere away from the phone, so I don't know how the conversation went.
  
  The hospital where I delivered has two registration areas, one for ER and one for Maternity.  The Maternity registration desk is on the total opposite side of the hospital from the ER, but since we didn't know how late the Maternity registration desk was open, we headed to the ER.  When we got there, an orderly whisked me up to Labor and Delivery and my doula was practically running along his side he was going so fast.  We got to L&D and the nurses were all standing around a desk and they all looked up at me and said "Who are you?"
  
  I was pretty discouraged at that moment so I went into logistical-coordinator-in-an-emergency mode and very calmly said "My name is -----, My doctor is Dr. -----, I am in labor and going to have a baby soon and I would like to take my boots off and get some warm socks".  The nurses moved verrrrrry slowly to get me into a room and into a gown.  Looking back, both my doula and I both had a momentary thought that they weren't going to let me have a baby there!  My doula explained to me that in the nurses' defense, they had no idea I was coming and then I just showed up and said I was having a baby.  Since I was so calm, they had absolutely no idea I was at 8 cm!  Apparently most women at 8 cm can't even talk or function well, so by just looking at me, they thought I was in early labor!
  
  To the nurses credit, once things got moving just a few moments after that, they were on. the. ball.  Like amazingly so.  They all worked together like a very well oiled machine and by the time the whole experience was over you could feel a dynamic shift in their attitude.
  
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• With a fast birth, it took more time to bond with my daughter
  
  This is something that I was afraid to admit to anyone until I had discussed it with my doula and she assured me how normal it is.  While she was visiting us, we were discussing how when my daughter was born, she had a double, almost triple chin.  I sheepishly admitted to my doula that I didn't really like Ladybug when she was born and they handed her to me.  I thought she looked like Jabba the Hut and I was not impressed. (It scares me to know that someday my daughter WILL find this and read it and all I can say is keep reading, it gets better, keep reading.)  My doula explained to me that my feelings were completely normal especially considering how fast her birth was.  She said, when you have a chance to push your baby out, you bond with them over the course of pushing.  But since Ladybug just showed up in one fell swoop, I didn't have that opportunity to bond with her.
  
  This certainly meshes with my memory of Little G's birth.  I remember it being a beautiful, memorable moment - pushing him out into the world, feeling like we accomplished his birth together.  But with Ladybug, it was chaotic and anything but divinely beautiful.  Don't get me wrong, it was still an incredible experience...but I couldn't think of it as such DURING the experience because there wasn't time to think lovely thoughts!
  
  It was so helpful and empowering to have my doula validate how I had felt and I am really glad the subject came up as I would have internalized that for a long time had I not been able to process it with her.

STILL too sexy fo' my car

So... remember how I had been driving a muscle car in the weeks prior to giving birth?  And remember how I was joking about how H-A-W-T I must have looked trying to back my ass up to get into that car?

(source)

Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh....

Well, when I had my maternity photos taken a mere 5 days before Ladybug showed up, I coerced the photographer into taking some pin-up shots with me and my sexy car.  

Behold the hotness!!!

I know you are mad jealous of my America's Next Top Model Skillzzzz!
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Maternity photos by: Emily Wilson - she's amazing!!