Waiting for the pot to boil

We're still waiting around over here for our little one to decide to make his grand entrance into the world. In the meantime, our new deck furniture arrived yesterday....yay! Perhaps this is what the lil' guy has been waiting for...a decent place to have a sandwich on the deck for lunch...

The table is teak and the chairs are teak, mesh and aluminum. We purchased four chairs for now, and will get four more when the financial timing is right.

Additionally, to celebrate the first sunny, warm days of summer (since, if you hadn't heard, New England has had something around 48 straight days of rain)...we spent some time over at the neighbors' pool yesterday. Ahhhh...nothing like a pool owned by someone else to get your spirits up!!

And while this may seem like an incredibly uncomfortable position, I actually fell asleep like this for a few minutes and really, REALLY enjoyed my weighlessness for a while.

Later on in the day we decided perhaps we should pack our bag for the hospital...but no sooner had we put the bag down and the kitty decided that perhaps we shouldn't pack the bag for the hospital. No worries, crisis averted...we are bigger than her, you know.

And finally, we took (what we hope are) our last set of belly shots. It is unfathomable to me how big my stomach is!!

So there you go...hopefully we will have a baby soon and won't have to sit around coming up with activities to keep ourselves occupied!!

Ready. Set. GO!

We are rapidly closing in on our due date around here; a fact that is altogether exciting and overwhelming. It is so hard for me to grasp that in less than a month, and as early as next week, we will have a son; a real, live, crying, pooping, dozing, needy, tiny, adoring son.

(source)

I find it interesting that even though I have long been a blogger, I have found myself incapable of writing letters to our child to tell him about the pregnancy and what we hope for him.

It is almost as though I don’t want to jinx anything by assuming that he will actually be here.

I think of things throughout the day, but rarely remember to write them down, and now I am almost done with the pregnancy and I have barely anything to share with my son about this special time we have spent together.

Hopefully he will forgive me someday…my guess is since he is a boy; he most likely won’t even care.

Many...MANY...people have asked me if I am tired of being pregnant, and while I can say that there are moments when I really can't wait to experience things like sleeping-on-my-stomach and downing-a-couple-of-beers-at-a-BBQ or gulping-down-a-latte-in-the-morning again, I really am quite comfortable with my current state of pregnancy. Sure, I walk a bit slower, go to the bathroom multiple times an hour and my back aches in early morning, but I love my big, hard, round belly...and being able to tell that the movement you can see across the top of my belly under my ribs is my son's 8cm long foot!

I am going to miss this closeness. The fact that I can rub his back through my belly button and he'll respond by squirming for me. The lack of crying and pooping is nice too :) But I am also really, REALLY excited to get to meet the little guy; to have my husband get to hold him too; to introduce him to our families; to be a family with him.

So I wait...patiently...trying not to wish away the last of this very special time of my very first pregnancy; appreciating the anticipation and excitement in the air and knowing that in just a very short time, all of our lives are going to dramatically change.

Nursery...CHECK!

My husband's parents came to visit this weekend and helped us with some of the remaining nursery projects; so I am pleased to be able to check the nursery off our lengthy to-do list.

First they installed a screen door at the entrance to the room. We got this great idea from my sister who had one installed in her house for her nursery. Basically, the reason we did this is because we have a cat. And our cat LOVES to snuggle and I really just didn't want her in the nursery at all...which as any of you cat people may know, can be a next-to-impossible task. Unless you have a lovely screen door; with which you can still see in the room, the munchin can see out, the air flow remains the same, but the kitty is unable to enter.


For fun, we purchased these fun knobs to use as the door handles from Anthropologie:


Below is the view of the nursery from the hallway. The book case on the left was actually in my husband's father's room when he was growing up. We painted the inside to match the walls and then screwed it into the wall so no one can hurt themselves by climbing on it.

The bookshelf on the wall on the right was a gift from my husband's parents...his mom is an avid book and library supporter and saved every children's book that the hubs ever received as a kid...add to that the children's books that she gives us all for Christmas every year and you will understand me when I say that the bookshelf is currently only holding about 1/16 of the amount of books we have. So our kid will hopefully like books too and if nothing else, he may find himself at least interested in the constant switchout from old books to new books.


Above the crib, I hung three framed pictures. They are actually travel posters that I saved from these super-fun calendars that I have collected for the past four years. I knew I wanted to use them eventually, I just never knew what for. Then I realized how cool they would be in the nursery and I picked my three favorite and went from there.

The frames are attached to the wall with an ingenious device called 3M Command adhesive picture hangers. You probably have heard of the hooks they have where you can put them on the wall, and when you want to remove them, you pull the tab down and it releases them without marking up the wall. These work very similarly; there are two sticky sides, one for the frame and one for the wall. Once you line them up, they snap into place. One set of tabs is for 3lbs and we have four on each frame, so I feel very confident that they will stay in place...especially since I myself tried to pry them off and found it very difficult. Which is a good thing; again, we don't want any little fingers prying the picture frames off the wall and onto any cute little bumpkin heads.

You can see in the picture below that we have installed a cover for the radiator that was custom made. We were going to try and make one ourselves, but then found out that the custom ones have special insides to allow the heat to go through without warping the wood or blocking the heat. Figured we would leave that to the professionals! It too is bolted to the wall to cut down on anyone hurting themselves.

This picture is a little misrepresentative. Just above the stripe on the wall are white wooden letters spelling out the name we have chosen for the Kernel. But it is a secret for now, so I can't show you the whole wall.

The sailboats hanging in the window are also not in their final resting place. I wanted to hang them over the crib in lieu of a mobile, but it seems like they compete too much with the bookrack and the frames. So the next thought was to hange them in the corner near the bookshelf and dresser. I am also considering breaking them up and maybe hanging two over the crib and the rest over the changing table. What do you think?

On the opposite side of the room is a beautiful rocking chair that we received as a wedding gift from the hubs' brother and his wife. I love the rocking chair, it is stunningly gorgeous, but it isn't the most comfortable for me (I'm kind-of a tall gal) so we may have to switch it out with one of our swivel chairs from downstairs for a while.

So there you go...not too baby-ish, not too boy-centric...but still a nursery. What do you think?

PS - I KNOW you aren't supposed to have a pillow in the crib, so don't even mention it...it's just there for now.

"Professional" Belly Shots

In lieu of paying a bazillion dollars for professional photographs of my belly...we did just buy a car you know...I decided to set up the tripod and give it a go myself.

I actually don't think they turned out that bad. I mean, clearly there is a blatant over use of Photoshopping here...but considering the cost...I'm pretty satisfied.

Belly pics at 34 weeks - 5/21/2009

A little magic for a gray Monday

As you may or may not know, I worked for Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL for four years right after I graduated from college, in the entertainment department.

A friend of mine, David, was a performer at the Beauty and the Beast show and had met a beautiful girl named Heidi, who was a dancer at the show, and had been dating her for quite some time when he decided to propose.

David worked for weeks to pull off an amazing proposal to Heidi. He was not a trained dancer, but he was able to arrange with the stage manager of the show to learn the Equity level choreography for the grand finale and surprise Heidi as she was dancing on stage. In the finale number, her dance partner danced off the stage and was replaced by David much to Heidi's complete surprise.

It has been ten years since they were married, and for their anniversary, David has posted, for the first time for all to see, the video taken that day. I was there in the audience, having sprinted across the park to see it in time, and I can assure you, it was the most magical proposal I have ever seen or heard of since.

Hope you enjoy the video on this gray Monday.

Belly pic

Since so many people have asked...and since my sister won't get to see me this weekend and witness the belly in person...

...my belly at 32 weeks, and 2 days as of this past Sunday...along with my not-yet-done-hair, glasses and sassy glow-in-the-dark PJs :)

Enjoy.

PS - in other news, today marks the five year anniversary of my first date with the hubs...we had decided to forgoe the dating anniversary once we had the wedding anniversary, but I thought 5 years was notable enough to bring up. I still remember that day like it was yesterday and fondly remember the magic it was to brush hands together across the table from eachother and the sparks I felt when he put his hand on my side on our walk to the subway and pulled me closer to him to kiss me.

Thank you, D, for five years of butterflies :)

Collective rudeness

Every Monday and Tuesday morning, I walk to the closest commuter rail station in my town and wait for the train that will take me into the city.

Every Monday and Tuesday morning, the train is packed...the reality is that it just looks packed. One side of the train is three passenger seats while the other side is two passenger seats. The two passenger side is usually filled and the three passenger side is actually two passengers sitting on the ends with their stuff in the empty space between them.

The view as you get on the train is pretty funny and I only wish I had the nerve to take a picture someday. Basically it is the view of the top of every one of those seated passengers' heads as they keep their heads down and hope that someone else will offer up their seat. Most times, the people getting on the train at my stop just stand rather than ask anyone to move over. It should also be noted that should you ask someone to let you sit down in the empty space, they will sigh, usually glare at you, and then get all the way out of their seat so you can climb in, rather than just sliding over the 14 inches into the next space.

It has been this way for as long as I have traveled on the commuter rail. The thing is, if you were to meet each of those people on the train individually, you might come to the conclusion that most, if not all, of them are relatively polite people...not at all the collectively rude crowd that they come off as a group. And I will admit; I have been one of them. I travel to work with my headphones on and am usually checking my iPhone or reading a paper and though I am aware of the stops the train makes, I rarely look up to see who is looking for a seat. So I am guilty as well.

So, with all of that in mind, it really shouldn’t annoy me so much that when I got onto the train this morning with my very, obviously large pregnant belly, not one person who looked up at me even made an attempt to offer me a place to sit down. I am trying very hard not to feel entitled to a seat…but I just can’t help myself. It makes me LIVID that I had to stand up in front of everyone and basically announce that I was very apologetic, but that I needed a place to sit, so could someone please move for me. Even with the announcement, I was met by blank stares (while they all hoped that someone else would step forward) until finally, after a multi-second pause, a woman gave up her seat for me. An older woman…surrounded by young and older professional men and women who continued to ignore me.

It isn’t just pregnant women who get the shaft…I’ve been on the train with a 3 year old and gotten the same averted-eyes syndrome until finally a spot was found for him to sit…right next to a person who reacted as though the 3 year old must have been covered in scabs under his clothes based on the passenger’s attempts to get as far away from the 3 year old as possible.

Now, I know that in lieu of making an announcement of my seating needs, I could have easily asked one specific person to let me sit, but that puts me in an incredibly awkward situation as I peruse the crowd for the person who is looking down at their shoelaces the least in hopes that they will be the least offended by my request. In the future I will most likely go that route because as I have already stated, it seems that people are much more polite one on one than as a mass crowd**.

Of course, the other alternative would be to take the bus to the subway where interestingly enough, to date, I have been offered a seat every time. Which BEGS the question; what makes the people on the commuter rail so much less inclined to offer up their seats than the people on the bus or the subway? Is it THEIR sense of entitlement? They paid more so they expect more?

Who knows…all I know is that no matter how wrong it may be for me to feel like people should at least acknowledge my current condition, that’s how I feel. It bugs me that I feel that way, but I do. So I guess the next thing to do is embrace it and know that I’m just as wrong as those people on the train and maybe that knowledge can help me to forgive them for their rudeness.

--

** Ironically, this theory was just argued in our lunchtime discussion today on the paper: ‘Quantum Probability Explanation for Violations of ‘Rational’ Decision Theory’ (yeah…I work with math nerds)

Motherlover...or reason #786 why I love JT

My baby shower was this weekend and it was so amazingly wonderful. I have lots to write about it, but in the meantime, I NEED to know that you have seen the following clip from this weekend's SNL.



I seriously don't think I have laughed that hard in a very, VERY long time. And how much more do I love Susan Sarandon now???

Classic.

I'm trying not to complain too much, really...I am

So all you ladies out there...did you parents ever make you wear tights when you were a little kid?

And if they did...did they ever make you get into a pair that you were growing out of and so you ended up with the crotch of your tights around your knees and whenever you would walk, the waistband would start pulling off your panties so you ended up incredibly uncomfortable and in a tug of war to keep the tights from completely shredding you of any dignity at all? Think...this guy, here:

Well, THAT is what it is like wearing maternity pants as a tall person. I have YET to find a pair of maternity pants that will stay up and I erroneously thought that once my belly got bigger the pants would want to stay up because there would be more body to stick to. Instead, I spend my days furtively trying to keep my pants up...the the extent that I will pull them is so high that I look like I am waiting for the flood to start at any minute like these people:

But no matter what I do, in mere moments the pants have started creeping down my legs, taking my underwear and any dignity I have with them.

I've. had. it.

Oh yes, I have three lovely maternity dresses that are quite comfortable...but I live in Massachusetts...where it is currently only 48 degrees and very. windy. So on I go...living in this craptastic land of pants that will never fit and I am basically ready to tear my hair out.

Ok...rant over.

Discuss.

Weee hoooooo!!!!

So to updated you on this post about getting gDiapers from Craigslist, the people from the ad contacted me and last Friday I traveled up to Swampscott, MA to pick them up!

They are so cute! And in great condition. They had a plethora of small gPants and liners and only 4 mediums...however there are two packages of medium/large refills, so I am good to go on those since we are hopefully not having a medium/large baby...at least not as gPant sizing goes.

A friend of mine is sending some extra small inserts that she had left over and someone else on a mom list-serv I am on is giving me her additional small inserts, so I really feel comfortable about our diaper situation for the first couple of weeks we have this child...

...although we did attend our Newborn Essentials class yesterday where we learned that the first day you change one diaper, the second day you change two diapers, the third day you change 3-4 diapers, and after that you change about 8-10 diapers a day!!! 8 - 10!!! That's CRAZY!! Still, we should have enough gPants at this point to hold us over.

I'll be sure to post some pics once I get home.

Now, if only selling our car was as easy as finding gDiapers on Craigslist!!

FOR SALE: 2003 Saturn L200 4 door sedan – 38,750 miles – BRAND NEW MICHELIN TIRES - $6,500

***38,750 miles!!!***

Features:

• 2.2L 135 hp 4 Cylinder automatic – very fuel efficient with good horsepower and torque
• 4 BRAND NEW MICHELIN -X-Radial All Weather TIRES with 80K mile limited warranty (purchased at 38,450 mi)
• Silver Exterior Paint
• Gray Leather Interior
• Power Driver Seat
• Heated Driver and Passenger Seat
• Premium Sound System
• AM/FM/CD/Cassette
• Automatic Headlights
• Power Windows/Door locks
• Dual front and side curtain airbags
• Cruise Control
• Automatic climate control
• Air Conditioning (originally a Florida car…the AC practically throws icicles at you)
• Power Mirrors
• Power Steering
• Rear and Side Mirror Defroster
• LATCH Child Restraint System
• Rear passenger seats split 6/40 for trunk access
• Two key-fobs and an emergency lock-out key
  
• EPA Mileage 24/32 mpg
• 15.70 gallon fuel tank

This car is a dream to drive. It has had only one owner (yours truly). The car has received all of its routine service requirements at the appropriate time intervals (i.e. 3,000 miles check-ups, etc) and all service has been performed by a Saturn dealer. We have records of service performed on the car. There has been no need to perform non-standard or non-routine service. My husband always comments on how much trunk space it has.

In the interest of full disclosure, there is a small blemish on the passenger side dash board (from moving a lamp three days after purchasing the car). Additionally, the car is a city car, so there are slight nicks and scratches on both bumpers. Without these small blemishes, the car would be in absolute pristine condition and would sell for $7,500+…with the blemishes; we are offering it for $6,500.

We have the title as well as a purchased AutoCheck Vehicle History Report showing no incidents; you bring your certified check and plates.

You will not find a better car with such low mileage for less!!

More from Anne Lamott

So I mentioned in my last letter to the Kernel that I wanted him to make it to the water, like the baby turtles. I decided I wanted to share with you the actual part in the book Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year that Anne Lamott writes about this.

December 6

...So often I just sit by him and watch him sleep. I tell him while he sleeps that it's a jungle out there, and you have to be really, really careful or else the eagles will get you, like they got Johnny G. My friend Mary had six cats at one point, until her cat Johnny G. disappeared, and eagles had been seen in the sky that very same day, so of course you could only draw one conclusion. After that she used to warn the other cats to be really careful so that the eagles didn't get them, too. The odds seemed so stacked. Have you ever seen that awful PBS nature movie on baby turtles, where they show you the beach where twenty million turtle eggs are laid and then hatch? Then they show you those twenty million baby turtles trying to race across the sand before the seagulls swoop down and gobble them up. About forty-five baby turtles make it to the water. It makes you shake your head. You double over and have to hold onto your stomach. I say, Please, please, please, God, let Sam make it to the water.

That really is my exact prayer. I have worked my way past being frightened that our little boy won't make it to birth...and now I find myself concerned (although not consumed) by the thought that he might be born with some awful condition that was impossible to determine prior to that point. I guess I have just been too close to too many children who have not made it to the water. And I know that I need to remain hopeful and faithful that our son will be as healthy as a clam...but I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little bit nervous. So I pray...as often as I can...to please let our son make it to the water.

Fingers crossed...

I found someone selling their gDiapers on Craigslist in the Boston area this morning. They are selling:

• 11 small and medium gPants (the smalls are new the mediums are in 'good used condition')
• one full and one almost full M/L refill package
• over a dozen nylon liners

for the bargain price of $110.

I have been doing some research and was able to confirm the seller's claim that new, this cost them over $250.

Oh I hope, I hope, I hope I contacted the woman in time!

Will you help me cross my fingers on this?

I'll keep you all posted...

Feeling the heat

It is 50 degrees outside and raining sideways...the air conditioning system is on at work and one would think that I would be cold...but I am not. I, in fact, am sweating bullets.

I was prepared for pregnancy to make me hot. My husband calls me the radiator these days because I just emanate heat. I am finding myself ill prepared for the sweat.

My deodorant just doesn't seem to be working any more...I mean, I smell powder fresh, but I am sweating right through my clothes. That same deodorant is the deodorant that kept me pit-stain free while working at Disney in 90+ degree heat wearing all black clothing under a glorified fur rug AND during my wedding when I danced my ass off in a huge honkin' dress. So what the HECK is going on that all I am doing is just sitting at my desk wiggling my fingers over a keyboard and I am sweating buckets?

Oh, right...I'm preggers.

Word on the street is that this is what menopause is like too. Yay.

An answer to the great debate?

Well, I think we have finally made our diapering decision. The good news is that these decisions don't have to be permanent...once the Kernel gets here, my guess is our lives will be thrown into chaos and anything that isn't working for us is going to go by the wayside pretty quickly.

But in the meantime, I have decided that I am not going to be cloth diapering our child (unlike my rock-star sister-in-law who has yet to allow the inconvenience of cloth diapers and the amount of washing to sway her eco-consious decision) and I will not be using disposable diapers either.

Instead, I am planning on using gDiapers.

They are a cross between a disposable diaper and a cloth diaper in that they have a non-disposable cloth shell (or g-pant) that you use with a disposable insert. What makes the disposable insert so much better than a regular disposable diaper is that they are non-plastic, bio-degradable and flushable. Now, I am not so sure the plumbing in our 100 year old house is going to agree that the inserts are flushable, but if that doesn't work out, the inserts (the wet ones) are garden compostable too!!

Cost wise, they are a pretty significant expense up front. However, I have heard that you can find some great deals on the g-pants on Craigslist and/or eBay and apparently the inserts are available from Amazon.com with a 15% discount if you sign up for auto delivery. I think if we are cautious about it, we can keep our costs similar to what disposable diapering would be.

So to break it down: 1) there is no plastic 2) I reuse the outer shell 3) the inserts either flush down the toilet and go where other flushable waste goes; or I can compost the wet ones; or if I do send them to the trash, they will eventually break down much faster than regular disposable diapers and lastly, 4) with some work, we can hopefully do this in a cost effective way.




I am really hoping that this will be a good experience for us and I plan to blog about it so that other people can perhaps stop by and use our experiences as a resource. Again, who knows what will happen once the lil' guy gets here...but for now, it is nice to have made a decision on this.

Conspiracy theory

Well, we have ordered our new car and are waiting for it to arrive sometime in May...YAY!! It is a Volvo XC60, their new cross over.

Volvo has a pretty big ad campaign going for the car now since it has a new safety feature called City Safety that will stop your car if you are going less than 9 miles an hour and are about to hit the car in front of you. But we actually could care less about that. We decided on this car way back in November when we attended a car show in Boston. It was the only vehicle that wasn't a full SUV that we could fit a car seat (not to mention a full sized adult) into the back seat and still have me drive with the seat all the way back. This may not seem like much to many of you, but to us long-legged people, it means the world!!

The lovely Volvo XC60...ours will be in Black

Of course, this means that I need to sell my trusty 2003 Saturn L200 which I still had at least 8 months of payments to make on it.

2003 Saturn L200 in Silver, just like mine

We sent in a payoff check to the financing bank over two weeks ago and magically, it hasn't arrived yet. I find that complete bull shit. You can't tell me that in 33 years of never having anything get lost in the mail, that NOW is the time a check would disappear off the face of the earth? I just find that a little too convenient...especially when the bank won't let you make a payment in any other way than sending a check (at least not without a huge service fee) and every day the check doesn't get there they add more and more interest to the payment...which means we will eventually have to send another check for $1.87 and go through the entire annoying process again. AND they won't send the title until it is completely paid for, which means I can sell it until this is all resolved!!

I. CALL. BULL. SHIT!!!

I don't believe for one second that they process the check the moment it arrives as I have been told by two snotty customer service representatives. I think it sits in a holding cell somewhere while they try to nickle and dime me as long as they possibly can!

So there you go...my conspiracy theory.

Note to self...next time, pay to send it overnight with a tracking number. That'll show 'em!

The belly...

Apparently I am supposed to be sharing pictures of my belly with people. Not sure who made that rule up, but I really have no issues with it so here you go...

...hope it was worth it.

I'm screwed

So far I haven't really gotten too excited about dressing this baby because I figure most people will buy him clothes as gifts rather than the stuff on our registry (that's just how buying for baby tends to go) and because I am most likely going to be on the receiving end of some super fun hand-me-downs from my nephew.

Until now.

Boden, which is a wonderful catalogue that I get that has such wonderfully yummy bright confections as these...

...just sent me a "mini Boden" catalogue. I had no idea they sold things as delicious as this...for BABY!!

Seriously, the only thing keeping me from getting out the plastic is that most of the clothes currently on the website are a bit silly for a newborn and by time our muchkin is big enough to warrant such delightful designs as these, it will be fall and we will be looking for warmer items...at least that's what I am telling myself...

buttons and notions

A button has disappeared from my favorite spring coat so I have spent the morning looking for a replacement. Time was, I used to save those things in their cute little paper envelopes...the theory being that someday (like today) I might need one...but of course I can't seem to find where I put all those buttons.

Sigh.

While looking, however, I did come across a box I have kept over the years with various cards and buttons (of the Disney pin exchange program variety) and wedding invitations and other mementos of my life. Most of the things I saved are from when I worked at Walt Disney World in Orlando...old name tags, four calendar years of schedules (which would greatly increase my ability to figure out just how many Voyage of the Little Mermaid [VOLM] shows I have done in my life), commemorative watches and invitations to show openings.

While waxing poetic about my Disney years, the Ursula/Ariel track for Poor Unfortunate Souls started playing on my iPod...and I actually couldn't stop myself from doing the choreography.

The first track I learned at VOLM was the Flounder track. That track consisted of the Flounder puppet during the black-light number, the scroll Ariel signs her voice away with and the 'hands' that grab Ariel's voice as she sings with Ursula.

Later on, I learned the Dolphin track, which starts out in the black light number with the dolphin, then moves on to the bubble with the fish on the plate...then I think there is some action with the Sturgeon and the Ray and then finally ending up with the dolphin again. During the Ursula scene, the Dolphin track is the left hand and arm movements of Ursula as well as her head movements and eye blinks (School of Fish track is in charge of her right hand and puppeteering her mouth and there were also two techs inside her to get her to move around the stage).

Anyway, it was rather nostalgic to be looking through all those old things and realizing that almost 9 years after leaving Disney, I still remember the choreography.

Now I'll NEVER be a teen model!

"I am beyond excited for Cycle 13; for the first time ever, young women 5′7″ and under have a shot at becoming America’s Next Top Model! I encourage each girl to come out ready to rock the runway and show off their fiercest pose. I’m rooting for all of you!” -Tyra Banks

Not that my age (almost 34) and looks (anything but modelesque) wouldn't have kept me out of the competition anyway...but now it looks like my height (5'11") isn't even an asset.

Le sigh.

Take a lil' tour of our crib

The crib came today from Pottery Barn Kids. It is the Skylar Crib. I searched and searched 'teh internets' for information on the crib when we were deciding whether to purchase it and found slim to no information...so bare with me while I write some boring spec type information for anyone who may have stumbled upon this site wanting information on the crib. But for all you others out there...isn't it preeeeeety?

The crib was delivered and set up by the delivery crew of four people. It took them a bit of a time to set it up because one of the bolts didn't want to cooperate. The delivery crew was very nice and clean and courteous. The crib itself is very sturdy. The drawers came put together with the two toned wood, which we prefer, on the outside...the information in the store says the drawer fronts are reversible, but since we like them this way we won't be reversing them.

Additionally, the inlaid portion of the drawers is set in a bit with a small lip which is how you open the drawer...up until seeing it, we weren't sure if they were a latch type door or if there was a pull that we just weren't seeing. The drawers are within a section of the crib that is its own separate entity from the crib itself. What I mean by that is that the crib can be adjusted up and down and it does not have any affect on the top of the drawers. Which means that the drawers have a solid top and therefore won't be getting anything inside dusty anytime soon.

Lastly, the drawers do not pull out all the way, I noticed this on our Pottery Barn Kids dresser...my guess is they don't want little ones pulling the drawers all the way out on themselves.

So there you go...everything you ever wanted (or didn't want) to know about our crib.

Dear baby,

I am supposed to be writing you letters, but I feel a little silly doing so. Mostly because it keys right into the whole ‘everything about having a child is magical’ mindset that I think Hallmark and conservatives would like us all to believe. The truth of the matter is I don’t really have much to say to you. We were excited the other day when you started kicking. That has helped my anxiety a lot. For a while, I was convinced that I was making the whole pregnancy thing up. Aside from a very prominently missing feminine monthly situation, there wasn’t much to substantiate your existence. But now you are kicking away, so I guess you are real. Of course, you could convince me that I left the oven on in the apartment I lived in before I moved in with your dad and I haven’t been there in three years, so go figure…guess I’m a bit neurotic. Hope you don’t get that trait.

And while we are on ‘hopes’ I really hope you get your dad’s hair…and my dimples. Obviously, most importantly I hope you ‘make it to the water’. Anne Lamott talks about how when she looked at her son when he was born she was reminded of those turtles that are all born on the beaches of California. Hundreds and hundreds of baby turtles that all have to climb through the sand to get to the water before their lives even begin. And on the way to the water, they have to survive and hope not to get plucked up by a seagull or squashed by an over-zealous pre-schooler. She says she hopes her son makes it to the water…so that’s what I say. I hope you make it to the water. But after the water, I hope you have your dad’s hair and my dimples and that you are patient like your dad and no where near as neurotic and self-defacing as your mom.

Alright, that’s all I got for now.

Love you…see you soon.

Mom

Weekly reading

As I have mentioned before, I am deeply indebted to the writer Anne Lamott for writing about her son’s first year in a memoir aptly titled: “Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year”. I had read the book prior to ever even dating my husband; mostly because it was the only thing on my sister’s bookshelf that looked even remotely interesting and that I hadn’t already read, and I loved it immediately. Since being pregnant, I am now on my fifth reading of the book and will probably keep reading and reading it for many years to come.

I love the book not only because of its very realistic account of what having a newborn is like, but because she also explores her faith and many other things within the book. I think Anne Lamott and I are cut from very similar cloth when it comes to our type of faith, our worship, our self doubts, our honesty and our humor.

There are many parts of the book that I have earmarked and underlined and called out with exclamation points, but there are two specifically that I would like to share here since they are very meaningful to me right now.

December 5

Pammy showed me a picture that someone took at the baptism of her holding Sam out toward the camera. He definitely looks like he was blown away by the proceedings, too, somehow sort of blank and surprised at the same time, like he had just that moment been plucked from a huge pie.

All these people keep waxing sentimental about how fabulously well I am doing as a mother, how competent I am, but I feel inside like when you’re first learning to put nail polish on your right hand with your left. You can do it, but it doesn’t look all that great around the cuticles. And I think that because I’m so tired all the time, people feel like I’m sort of saintly. But the shadow knows. The other night I was nursing the baby outside, underneath the redwoods, and you could see the full moon in the clearing of the treetops. Everything smelled so clean and green, and the night birds were singing, and then I started feeling a little edgy about money or the lack thereof. I started feeling sorry for myself because I’m tired and broke, kept thinking that what this family needs is a breadwinner. And pretty soon my self-esteem wasn’t very good, and I felt that maybe secretly I’m sort of a loser. So when my friend John called a few minutes later from L.A. and mentioned that a mutual friend of ours, whose first book was out (for which he had been grossly overpaid, if you ask me), had gotten a not-very-good review in Newsweek recently, all of the sudden, talking on the cordless phone and nursing my baby in the moonlights, I had a wicked, dazzling bout of schadenfreude. Schadenfreude is that wicked and shameful tickle of pleasure one feels at someone else’s misfortune. It felt like I’d gotten a little hit of something. It made me feel better about myself. “Do you have it?” I asked innocently, and he said that he didn’t think so because it was a week or so old. I then found myself clearing my throat and saying in a flat, innocently curious voice, “Why don’t you go look?” So he did, and returned to the phone with it, and I said, nice as pie, “Now read it.” And when he was done, I said, “Man, that was like Christmas for me.” Then we laughed and it was ok for a minute.

God, it was painful though, too, and the hangover was debilitating. I was deeply aware of the worm inside of me and the grim bits that I feed it. The secret envy inside me is maybe the worst thing about my life. I am the Saddam Hussein of jealousy. But the grace is that there are a couple of people I can tell it to without them staring at me as if I have fruit bats flying out of my nose, who just nod, and maybe laugh, and say, Yep, yep, I get it, I’m the same. Still, I feel like it must drive Jesus just out of his mind sometimes, that instead of loving everyone like he or she is my sibling, with a heart full of goodwill and tenderness and forgiveness, I’m secretly scheming and thinking my dark greedy thoughts. I say to him, Bear with me, dude. He does give me every single thing I need, but then I still want more, and I picture him stamping around like Danny DeVito, holding up these gnarled beseeching hands of frustration, saying, “Oy fucking veh.”

January 30

It’s great to have so many friends who had babies right around the time I did – even if it did make me bitter and resentful that they also got to have husbands and nurseries – because they all have extremely bad attitudes and sick senses of humor like me. It would be intolerable to call a friend, a new mother, when you were really feeling down and for her to say some weird aggressive shit like “Little Phil slept through the night yesterday, isn’t that marvelous since he’s only eight weeks old, and guess what, I’m already fitting back into my prepregnancy clothes.” You’d really have no choice but to hope for disaster to rain down on such a person.

Obviously there are many other points Anne makes between the December 5 and January 30 posts…about 27 pages worth, actually. But these two really speak to me these days because I am dealing with a certain person in my life that projects a certain amount of perfection and I just cannot help but let it get to me; in fact, I can barely keep it from consuming me. So it is nice to read that someone else not only feels this way too, but expresses it the way I would. It is refreshing to hear someone admit they aren’t perfect. It is validating to read that someone else struggles with the same issues that I do and it is hopeful that someone else considers it grace to have friends who “I can tell it to without them staring at me as if I have fruit bats flying out of my nose, who just nod, and maybe laugh, and say, Yep, yep, I get it, I’m the same”. Which isn’t to say that the feelings are good or moral or right; but to know that I am not the only one who believes in a God who saved me not just for the big sins but for just the sin of being human is comforting and fills those dark voids where the demons hang out with joy and peace and love.

Have you read anything lately that you really identified with?

We're floored

As previously noted, I invested in carpet tiles from FLOR to use as an area rug in the nursery.

The carpet tiles are environmentally friendly and touted as very easy to use. I watched a segment on Martha Stewart where they showed people scoring the tiles on the back and then snapping them in half and I was hooked. I even created a design that I was really excited about using that would require a lot of cutting, but would be worth it in the end because of the whimsical nature of the design.


However, when the tiles came, I determined very quickly that cutting the tiles was in no way, shape or form as easy as they made it look on TV. The problem is that you have to have a perfectly straight line and it is difficult to get the carpet knife to score flat against the measuring device. If you don't cut in an exact straight line, than they won't line up well and your carpet will have gaps in it...which wouldn't be that big of a deal if you were putting different colors next to each other, but I was planning on putting white next to white in order to make the design above. (PLUS the tiles are all 19.something" square...so you don't even get a nice even measurement to work with.)

So, it was time to rethink my options. I was fortunate that the green tiles came already pre-cut in half, so I at least had some variety to work with.

The first design I tried was based off of the design on the website with wide and thin stripes:

I liked how the stripes worked well with the stripe on the wall, but my husband wasn't a huge fan of it not being symmetrical so I decided to mix up the colors in the middle:

That combination was ok, but was neither pizazzy nor simple/classic. So we decided to change up the outer stripes as well and came up with our final and permanent design:

I like how the longer, thin stripes that set off the sections still evoke the stripe on the wall, yet the carpet seems much more kid-appropriate now. The squares are all replaceable and I have extra squares in case we ever need to do that. Also, they attach to each other and not to the floor, which means when I decide in a week to flip the whole thing around so that the white squares aren't in such a high traffic area, I won't have to undo any of my work.

So, we're getting there...I still don't have a theme and I think that is the way I want to keep it. I figure the room will be filled with toys eventually and the colors won't really matter anymore, but for now, it seems to be working out to be a fairly peaceful place to hang out and be a baby.

Crib notes

We ordered our crib over the weekend from Pottery Barn Kids. We were attracted to the two tone wood and the fact that the drawers under the crib are actual drawers and not just a place for stuff to get dusty in something that seems like a drawer but is actually a dust magnet under the mattress.

I was hesitant to get a crib where the side didn't lower, but we are both tall, so once I tried out putting something in a crib and easily not using the side gate, I figured we would be ok. We did not go for the toddler bed conversion kit because for all intents and purposes, once the kid is able to climb out of the crib, we'll just move him to a big-boy bed and reserve the crib for baby #2.

It was definitely more than we wanted to spend, but we decided we wanted to be sure that the crib would last through two (or more*) kids, and that it was well manufactured and an actual piece of furniture...rather than some particle board with slats.

All in all, I think it will be a great addition to the nursery and I am super glad that we found something that we both like and will last for a long time.

*The plan really is for two...but you never know.

Now what?

For the past year I have been involved with my own personal iPod project. I have 6525 songs on my iPod some of which I had never heard. I blame my BMG and Columbia House addictions from the early '90's for that.

So, in order to assure that I had listened to every song I had, I started listening to every song in alphabetical order sometime last Spring.

And yesterday, I finally finished.

I guess I'll go hit shuffle now.

The sweetest gift

So one of the crazy things about being pregnant is that I can actually convince myself that I am totally faking it and not really pregnant.

I know.

In fact, the only thing that keeps me from completely convincing myself most days is that I haven't had a period since early October and I figure no matter how mentally unstable I clearly must be, I can't really fake that.

Of course, when I mentioned this to my husband a couple of months ago he looked at me like he was about to call the authorities. That was before he had been to any of my appointments, so for all he knew I really WAS making the whole thing up.

Once my first trimester was over and I started to feel better, this ridiculous fear really started taking over because I wasn't showing and I really was convinced that I had been lying about feeling awful for three months.

Last Friday we both went to the Drs office for my second trimester ultrasound and we found out a few wonderful things.

First, our baby is healthy.

No holes in the head for the brains to escape, no holes in the diaphram for the organs to shift around (lest you think I am completely neurotic, those two things happened to dear friends of ours and they discovered it at the second trimester ultrasound so I was particularly nervous). They were even able to see that the baby doesn't have a cleft lip, it has all ten toes and fingers and it has a healthy, four chambered heart. Also, all the screening tests came back reading that we were at low risk. And lastly, we found out it was a boy.

When we got home, there was a package waiting for us and my husband insisted that even though it was my Valentines present, he thought I should open it right away. That, of course, made me think it was perishable, but instead it was the sweetest gift I have ever gotten.

He got me an at-home doppler kit** so that I can listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever I get convinced that I'm not pregnant.

Of course, in the past couple of weeks I have actually started showing and that combined with all the information we received at the ultrasound has kept me on this side of sane, but still...it was such a sweet gesture.

What did you get for Valentines Day?

**Now, before you get all clinical on me, we are both aware the the at-home systems aren't foolproof and that they can lead to anxiety if you don't get a reading, so we have promised ourselves not to freak out if we don't hear what we want to hear.

Line!?

Originally I had wanted to paint a mural on the wall of the nursery in the corner of the room...perhaps a tree or a pattern of leaves and flowers...but in the end I deemed that way too ambitious of a project to go after when I wasn't even sure if I would like the outcome.

I was a little bored by everything being one color on the walls though, so instead of a mural I painted a 12" stripe around the room two shades lighter than the wall color.

The hardest part was getting the tape on the wall in a straight line. At first I tried my husband's stick-to-the-wall laser level. But it turns out that since our walls are not exactly flat, the line was warped. So I got out the 4 foot standard level and started penciling in lines and then putting down the tape.


I think the final result is pretty cool and definitely exactly what I was going for.

One tip for those attempting this at home...make sure your tape is just above or below the pencil line you have made. There are a few places on our wall where I was just at the line and the paint didn't cover the pencil and now it won't erase from the wall...but it is too close to the line to try and fix it without making a mess. (you can see an example of that below).

So have any of you attempted any paint tricks in your home? Do share!

Scandal my ass

Apparently some people are making a big to do about the fact that the Classical piece performed at the Inauguration on Tuesday was pre-recorded.

No, seriously. There is a poll and everything on MSNBC with a whole bunch of people commenting that it is a bad way to start the presidency, etc.

People. This is bunk.

I swear, if they asked only musicians, they would most likely unanimously agree that it was a good decision. HAVE YOU HEARD AN OUT OF KEY PIANO PLAYING WITH AN OUT OF KEY VIOLIN? It ain't pretty. And if frickin Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma say it won't be pretty, than let's all give them the benefit of the doubt and get over it.

In fact, can we all just take a moment to be incredibly impressed that they even were able to fake play as well as they did?

Ugh. People annoy the crap out of me.

Room and Board

I tend to get stuck when designing rooms in our house because while I LOVE all things traditional, I tend to have a touch of modern in me. However, I also tend to talk myself out of the a-touch-modern look because it seems so scary and beyond my reach; especially when trying to work with what we've already got. So I relegate myself to looking at other people's pretty, modern spaces and deem myself unworthy of ever achieving something that melds both traditional and modern together in a cool, sophisticated yet whimsical way.

But, now we have a blank slate to work with. The nursery. No previously owned furniture brought from apartments we had years ago or handed down from the family. Nope, while we may end up getting pieces that are used, because who are we kidding here, it just makes sense to do so, we have the advantage of figuring out what we want first and then trying to find pieces to fit the bill.

While this may seem incredibly exciting, I have actually found it a bit overwhelming. Until now.

One secret I like to give to my clients when I meet with them is to picture their events and come up with an inspiration board to help them define their event to anyone who lives outside their brain. I find it really helps people to focus on the overall aesthetic and feel that they want their event to achieve. This makes it much easier for me to design something that achieves the same vision and is able to evoke the right emotional response from the whoever receives the invitation.

So I figured maybe I would start my own inspiration board for the nursery and I am proud to say that it worked! Without any further ado...here is the inspiration for our nursery:

The room in the background is actually the room we are using for the nursery and it has been painted in a light espresso color. We have already purchased a dresser in dark espresso and hope to find a used crib in dark espresso as well.

I found the crib bedding set at Land of Nod but didn't like the skirt so I will switch it out with one I found on sale at Restoration Hardware Baby and Child...which is also where I found the Roman Shade and the light fixture.

The carpeting is really fun. A few months ago I saw a special on the Martha Stewart show where they were talking about FLOR, the carpet tiles that adhere to themselves and are completely customizable. I LOVED the color palate and it turns out that all the carpeting in Martha's collection is on sale. I plan on making the rug cream in the middle with a border of small squares of the other colors.

So there you go. By making an inspiration board, I was able to mix and match and edit what did and did not fit my aesthetic and in the end, I think I have come up with something that really does mix modern and traditional pretty cohesively. And the best part is that none of it looks overwhelmingly 'baby' but rather whimsical and inspiring.