Thursday, April 28, 2011

Even MORE hope!

I haven't been away from Little G for more than a few hours for well over a year and it is starting to do its damage. Thankfully, the end of April brought a wonderfully girly excuse to get out of town on my own.

I'm heading to Central PA to be with my mom and my sister and our friend. We will get up early and eat scones and breakfast casserole on Friday and watch the Royal Wedding. And then we will go to Hershey Spa and have manicures and pedicures and massages and tea and lunch and take advantage of the pools and the tubs and the steam rooms and the reading room.

And then we will relax some more and hang out with friends.

And then I will come home; definitely refreshed and hopefully still filled with hope.

Peace, friends!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


My son, Little G, is - to borrow a word from the hippy-esque, more-patient-than-God teacher of one of his development classes - spirited. That's a nice way of saying he isn't an easy baby. It isn't just me. His dad, his Gram, his aunt, any teacher of any class we've ever attended, his doctors, his day care providers will all tell you that he is spirited - even more so for his mommy. Because that's what kids do...they save their worst for their mommies.

No matter how spirited he is, no matter how difficult he can be, no matter how many tantrums he can throw, nothing will ever take away from the amount that I love him and the joy he has brought to my life. That said, there are moments, days in a row even, that I don't like him very much.

Parenting a spirited toddler is extraordinarily challenging in its mundaneness and its lack of the same. It is exhausting and frustrating and thankless and sometimes demeaning. As with every stage of parenthood, when you are in the middle of it, it is hard to see the end - especially when people tend to either think you must be exaggerating or that you really have no idea how bad it will get at whatever stage is next.

We've been in this rut for a long time and I would by lying if I didn't say that sometimes I have felt like I was lying in a hole just waiting for the earth to envelop me. Getting through just the three days I have him on my own has become a skin-crawling endeavor that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. At the lowest point of my low during this phase, I realized that I needed to get away. Even if I could just dream of getting away, by myself, I could potentially have hope. I needed hope.

Finally, after waiting for so long to experience something, anything, that could give me hope, hope arrived in the form of two little eyes looking into mine, while two little ears heard what I said and one little head gave me a little nod.

It was a week ago and Little G was on the changing table. He had pooped and it was super messy and he wanted nothing to do with being on the changing table and was wriggling all over the place so I handed him my iPhone and asked if he wanted to play Peekaboo Barn; his favorite game ever - usually reserved for Dr. appointments and long flights across the country. He was so excited to play Peekaboo that I knew it was going to be a huge battle to get the iPhone back and we were supposed to leave to go to the Treehouse; a play space at our gym that he loves and where he can really get out his energy.

I finished dressing him and put him on the floor and asked for the iPhone back before we could leave the room and the tantrum started immediately. And just like every tantrum he throws, I got on his level and calmly repeated over and over and again the following:

Little G is upset
Little G wants Peekaboo
But Little G is going to the tree house
Peekaboo can not go to the tree house
Peekaboo stays here

I must have repeated myself at least ten times while he screamed. And then a small miracle happened. He stopped. He looked at the iPhone, he looked at me and nodded his little head and said, 'ok', and handed me the iPhone.

People, if you aren't a parent or if you haven't gotten to the end of your rope in the toddler stage, than I am not sure you can understand the amount of peace this small kernel of hope has granted me. I don't feel like I am in a hole anymore. I mean, let's be realistic, sometimes I do...but now I have hope.

And that hope is growing. Little G has had at least two other incidents this week, including this evening, where mommy was able to talk him off the ledge.

I am good mom. In fact, I am a really good mom. I may have spent a large part of the last six months in a hole, but I never stopped loving my son. And even if I never received this kernel of hope, I never would have stopped loving him. But today, I am lifting up my voice in praise and thanksgiving for hope. It is amazing how far out of the hole it can lift you.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Here we go again!!

Yup. That's our baby down there. In full fight-with-his/her-big-brother stance - arms up and ready to defend!

So here are the deets.
  • We're due 11/7/11 and have no intention of 'holding' anything out to try to make it to 11/11/11.

  • It took about 8 cycles, but really only 4 cycles of really, REALLY trying to get this result and I pretty much fell to the ground and wept with gratitude when the stick had two lines.

  • It took two days after that result for my glee to turn to total and undeniable fear that still has its grips on me.

  • I've been experiencing the same symptoms that I had with Little G, except that I am much, MUCH more exhausted. People keep trying to tell me that's because I have a toddler in the mix now, but it isn't like we're doing jumping jacks all day...I'm just pooped.

  • We'll find out it its a boy or a girl in about five weeks, but I have a feeling it is a girl.

So that's really the news that fit to print around here. Clearly this means I'll have more to write about - good for me, boring for you, I'm sure.

Alright...I'm out!


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Growing up?

My husband and I had the fortune of attending a Red Sox game the other evening. We hired the teenager down the street to come and watch Little G and then we headed into town. It was a cold, cold night to watch a baseball game but we had a great time getting out of the house together.

Behind us was a man sitting with his son who must have been 8 or 9 years old. He was as enthusiastic as a kid can be about baseball. I don't think there was even a moment during the game when he wasn't commentating on the rules or the players or the line up or the play action or the hot dogs or his new mitt - purchased for the occasion. His dad sat with him and commented every once in a while if the boy asked a question, but mostly focused on enjoying the game with his giddy companion.

It reminded me that someday, when he is older, we will have the fortune of attending a baseball game with our son. He will not always be 21 months. He will not always throw himself on the floor in protest of our doing anything he disagrees with. He will not always take our care and love for granted...though it might take longer than 8 or 9 years to get there.

Little G will not always be little.

I spend quite a lot of time on this blog writing about my struggles with my son. I know that things will get better while some things get worse. But I need to make a promise to myself to remember every day that he will never be this age again. It is so incredibly hard to remember that when I am faced with my thirtieth tantrum of the afternoon...and so easy to revel in the fact that some day he will grow out of all of this.

But some day, he will grow out of all of this.

So I am going to try to make a more concentrated effort to enjoy this life with my beautiful, challenging, kind hearted, spirited, dare devilish, trusting, loving, little companion.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Summer baby

Little G was born on 07-08-09. The summer seemed so short that year as we blazed into fall before he was even two months old. Pretty soon after that I spent the month of December in PA with my mom and sister as we prepared for, experienced, and mourned the death of my father.

The coldest months of the year, January through March, went by very quickly. Little G went from being a floor baby to sitting up and entertaining himself for what now seems like hours on end. Add in three naps a day, and I can't imagine what I ever thought was difficult about raising a child that age.

This year, the coldest months have been very different. Little G figured out how to walk in December and has been itching to get outside ever since. But we live in New England and it is cold here. And not just cold, but cold and wet and miserable. Never before in my entire life have I ever truly been exhausted by winter. But with a spirited, into-everything, bored toddler, who doesn't express himself well in any other way than tantrums, being house bound for even just a few hours a day has been miserable.

I am starting to think, and I know that this is silly and a grand over-generalization, but I am starting to think that perhaps raising children in warmer states is somehow easier. Fussy toddler? Go for a walk outside...not here in New England. Perhaps the key is having a winter baby. Then, when you hit 18 months (did you know that it is fairly common for kids to be at their worst in the 1/2 years...18 months, 2.5, 3.5, etc.?) it would be summer and the options for entertainment for both kid and parent would be better.

I know quite a few people who are pregnant with their first babies right now, and many of them are dreading that first winter. Concerns range from 'being stuck inside' to keeping their kids warm. But I can tell you that the first year isn't going to be the problem. But what I would say to them is that they're worried over nothing. The first year is cake compared to the next year. Of course, that just scares me into thinking about what the parents of the three year olds would have to say to me right about now.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Been a while, huh?

The last thing you need from me is a list of reasons why and apologies for my not keeping up with the ol' bloggity blog of late...but a list is what you're gonna get. Actually, not a list...just an excuse.

Namely, I'm busy. Which is great! It's great to be busy...especially since a LOT of that busy has to do with my business. Not sure how many of you know this since I keep this blog separate from my business blog...but I own a very small, but successful invitation design company, LimoncelloSTYLE. This is prime invitation season what with all of the Summer and Fall weddings, so I've been a bit buried. Add on top of that that some pre-pubescent boy (or girl) who has no idea how miserable they've made my life decided to hack my website and I'm downright swamped.

One of the very biggest downsides to owning a business is wearing all of the hats. I am no computer genius but I needed a website, so I made one using a Wordpress theme. It worked great but I lived in fear that if I updated my Wordpress, than I would somehow erase all of my hard work on my website. So I rarely updated. And then I got hacked. Lesson learned.

Sadly, though the site is back up, I actually still can't access anything because I did something to my php editor yadda yadda do daddy. Yeah...It's all foreign, mumbo-jumbo-jargon to me.

So that's a couple things on my plate and thus my number one reason for being absentee.

And now that I've truly bored you to tears I'm going to leave you again...because apparently I'm doing all I can to lose my 10 followers.

I do promise more exciting things to come...but really...who are we kidding here? I'm a mom living the day to day tedium of just trying to make it to the weekend. Not much exciting there for anyone, really.