Other Pieces of Me

A Conversation: So why do YOU blog?

2012-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

I recently got into a rather heated discussion in the comments of a friend's blog about her thoughts on the Carpe Diem post that has not only made its way around the internet, but that has been printed out and handed to me by both my church leaders and by the leaders of a local parenting resource center I am involved with. But back to the heated discussion...I have always considered it a mark of a good friendship if you can disagree but remain friends even if you find it hard to respect the other person's point of view. At the point of writing this, I'm still not sure if my online friendship has endured this latest trial - I'm hoping 'yes', but I have a pit in my stomach that is trying to convince me it is 'no'.

Blogging is strange; it is very hard to truly know someone through writing, alone. I will be perfectly honest in stating that my entire life is not available on my blog - nor would it be if you added up my other internet presences - Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, etc. When specifically considering what I blog about, my life is more nuanced than my writing is able to capture. Thus, if I am writing specifically about my life, I tend to write for my own need to clarify situations. However, since it is a blog, and since there is a readership, I value the discourse that is afforded to my thoughts and ruminations whether the comments agree with my writings or not (though who are we kidding, I much prefer the former...don't we all?).

Here's one thing I am sure of. There are many people, myself included, who find value in online communities. Whether we join in on the conversations or watch from the sidelines, we are automatically entered into the discourse of each blog or message board we read just by our presence. For many of us, especially those of us in the season of parenting, online communities are an additional resource for support in a world that can seem alienating and isolating. So while I want to continue to blog about the benign things in my life that make me smile, the joys and challenges of mothering two children under the age of 3 or even about the existential mini-crises of my days, I also want this blog to become more conversational. I want to know your experiences and your opinions. Even if we as a group or as individuals disagree or potentially go so far as to offend each other with our opinions, even if it is so bad that we just can't come to terms with each other in the comments, I have to hope that were we all to meet in person some day, that we would find we are all civil, caring individuals and we would let bygones be bygones.

So, tell me, why do YOU blog? What do you hope to get out of it? Are your readers and commenters part of your consideration when blogging? If not, do they become part of your consideration once the conversation has started? Do you have personal rules of engagement on your blog? And lastly, if you care to share, where is the blogging space you call home?

Teachable Moments

2012-01-26T14:46:00.001-05:00

Imagine a scenario where you are walking out of your mom group at your church with your sweet, three month old daughter in her stroller and you see ahead of you a group of young adolescents calling out to one another. You realize that the group is teasing another adolescent who seems to be a friend but has chosen to go running the other direction. They chide him and one girl calls out, "Fuck you, you fucking whore... Why don't you just lick it...fucking lick it, lick it, lick it."

As you come closer to the group, since they are directly between you and the destination of your car, you look at your daughter's lovely, innocent face and your heart breaks for the young girl who can't be more than 12 years old and you remember your own early adolescence and the importance of proving yourself to your friends. You catch the girl's eyes and say calmly to her, "You are worth so much more than that language. You are beautiful. Don't ever forget your worth."

If this were a Hallmark movie-of-the-week or a Church of Latter Day Saints commercial, the music would swell, the girl would hold back as her friends continued forward and there might be a moment of reflection in her eyes as she considers your remarks while you continue along thinking maybe you made a difference.

If you were Tina Fey as Liz Lemon on 30 Rock, the girl would cuss you out and then laugh with her friends while running along saying, "why don't you stay out of my fucking business".

One guess on which one happened to me this morning.

But it doesn't matter.

All I can do is pray that we succeed in raising our daughter in a way that someday when she is with her friends and making choices on her own without the benefit of having her mother there to guide her, some day when she is tempted by her freedom to show off for her friends, that that she will know her worth, that she will remember the worth of others and that she will make the right choices to honor her parents, her God, her friends and herself.

Nursery Transition

2012-01-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

Well this is exciting...my post on FLOR's design blog, Musings, about transitioning our nursery was featured on Baby Lifestyles the other day. You can see the original post here and the feature here.

On mommy olympics and a revisit to past glamour

2012-01-18T16:19:00.000-05:00

I posted this on a mommy board I belong to earlier today, but since it is almost a year to the day of THIS GLAMOROUS OUTING AT THE CHILDREN'S MUSEUM, I figured I would post it here too...

If mothering were a judged Olympic sport I think I'd deserve a bronze medal. Here's my case for today: I scored well for getting both kids out of the house, into the car and into the children's museum from our parking spot four blocks and one parking garage away. The judges loved how I brought my Moby wrap so Ladybug didn't need the stroller once we got in. My piece de resistance was tearing Little G away from the trains in the toddler room to go potty on the only little kid potty at the museum. This required waiting in line and then summoning him away from the trains from across the room - then going to retrieve him w/o losing my space in line. Once inside the bathroom, I scored well on the technicalities of changing Ladybug while helping Little G on the potty and then I tried my big 'jump' and tried to go potty myself. Unfortunately, after an awe inspiring performance so far, I forgot that the 'tail' of my Moby wrap was in the back (since I'm too bulky for it to wrap around front) and I dipped it in the toilet when sitting down. The toddler judge noticed immediately and docked my score. Fortunately I ended well with Little G making a showing on the potty, me getting everyone dressed again, getting everyone's hands washed and getting out the door and back to the trains just in time for our ending pose with me feeding a screaming Ladybug while Little G played.

So there you go. My bronze medal in mothering. If only there wasn't another tournament in 20 minutes and I hadn't been disqualified from the going-to-bed event last night.

Ladybug's official announcement

2012-01-09T08:01:00.000-05:00

I just posted about this over at my LimoncelloSTYLE blog - but wanted to post it here so you all could see how the announcements for the Ladybug came out

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Ladybug was born on October 27, nine days ahead of schedule. She'll go by her middle name which was quite a challenge to announce. I finally decided to create a piece with her photo on the front and a small explanation on the inside of the meaning of her first and middle names. But I also didn't want to outright say she'd go by her middle name. Click on the photo's below to see how we managed to convey the information.

I used the most delicious paper from Envelopments for this announcement. The paper is two sided in cream and gray. I matched the typefaces to the gray of the cardstock and then used a tart-y pink layering piece for the photo on the front paired with a peach shimmer envelope.

So far we haven't heard anyone call her by her first name who has received the announcement, so we must have conveyed this successfully!

A letter to Little G

2012-01-04T15:37:00.001-05:00

To my dear, sweet Little G on the occasion of turning 2 and a half -

It has been a while since I have written to you so bear with me if I seem a little rusty. You are about to turn two and a half in just a few days and as per usual, I am in awe that we have come so far. You are the most bright little boy I have ever encountered. Beyond knowing words and phrases and being able to make sentences, you know your world. You know our family and the people in it and how important you are to all of us. You love your new baby sister in a way that I have never witnessed before and in a way that I certainly wouldn't have expected from someone so young.

I am forever proud of you and your abilities and your strengths. And I can see your weaknesses and how you struggle to work through them. You are so spirited and full of life and love. Your hugs can cure any ailment. Your kisses are sticky and lovely.

I can remember back into the summer when you turned two. We had such an amazing summer filled with special trips and daily outings. You took care of mommy and were gentle with her mind and her heart this summer and then as we transitioned into the fall and into the unknown of having a fourth family member, you blossomed right in front of us; transforming from a toddler to a preschooler - from an observer to an active participant in the everyday workings of our family.

You sing beautiful songs to me in the car when we travel. You add phrases to the standards to make them more fun. Who knew that we were row, row, rowing our boat into the mouth of a crocodile(!) or that the itsy-bitsy spider and the twinkly twinkly stars shared the same sun.

Every morning, when you wake, you ask for daddy and mommy and your new baby sister. You want to share everything with her - toys, songs, hugs, kisses, love, music, trains. You make sure she is covered with a blanket and warm whenever she is lying near. And when she cries, you let us know she is sad.

Little G, you will always be my first born. You were the one who introduced me to incomprehensible amount of love a person can feel for their child and I will treasure that forever.

I love you infinitively and always,

Mommy

Living Intentionally

2012-01-02T15:07:00.001-05:00

You might have noticed that I fell of the WEverb11 bandwagon pretty soon into it. I believe I made it a week.

It isn't that I didn't want to write and it isn't that I wasn't inspired by the prompts. I just ran out of time.

We are dealing with a very stressful situation with Little G at his daycare which was the overwhelming theme of our month but in and around all of that stress was the whole holiday insanity of getting presents and wrapping them and sending out Christmas cards and stocking stuffers and holiday baking and tree decorating and parties and visits from friends and trying to ensure that our 2.5 year old learns for the first time what Christmas actually is and, oh right, A NEWBORN!! Throw into that mix the head cold that Little G brought home from daycare that manifested itself in me as bronchitis and you can see how the month just totally got away from me.

Interestingly enough, though I provided a WEverb prompt, it was not chosen as one of the 31 and yet was the one that I was most interested in reflecting upon. Specifically, it was about living intentionally. Did I feel that I lived intentionally in the past year and what was my plan to succeed in that regard for 2012.

It is hard when you have a baby to think back to what life was like before they showed up. They are all consuming from moment one and by the time you get a chance to reflect on what your life was like before they joined it, the memory has slipped far enough away that it is too demanding to bring it up again.

I do know that I waste a lot of time on the internet. Some of that has to do with my writing for FLOR. When looking for inspiration it isn't uncommon for me to find myself lost after having followed an idea down a rabbit hole and all of the sudden it has been over an hour and I haven't done anything productive. I also have an unhealthy obsession with keeping my blog reader clear of new entries. That goes for Facebook and Twitter as well - I HAVE to read everything. With an iPhone and an iPad and now my iMac, it is easier than ever to space out from real life for a minute or two and quickly 'check' something or look something up.

And it is so easy to get caught up in thinking that I HAVE to be as creative as all the impossibly-perfect mommy-designer bloggers and everything in my life from my everything drawer to my drinking straws to the pillows on my couch HAS to be just as lovely as those I see on Pinterest. But my couch will live if it doesn't have navy and gray chevron-striped throw pillows. And I will be just as loved by my family and friends if I don't have place cards at my next impromptu pizza night.

I am so competitive that it is extraordinarily easy for me to get caught up in the race to be the trendiest, the cutest, the most thoughtfully detailed, etc. And in doing so, I no longer am living my life with my family intentionally. I become a shell of myself, determined to make things better, brighter, cuter, more design-y when they would love me best if I would show up to dinner. FULLY show up...not only without my iPhone but without my mind wandering TO my iPhone.

Some of this is hyperbole. I am exaggerating a bit to make a point. But still, if I want to live more intentionally in 2012 than the first thing I need to do is be more aware of those things that eat away at my time and my focus and the internet is the number one thing that does this.

So how do I plan to rectify this? I'm not exactly sure. I do know that with two kids in the house, I don't have the time I used to have. It just doesn't exist anymore. So what I need to do is focus on what my plan is for the time I DO have. And I think the best thing for me is to blog intentionally. How is that going to help my family? What that means to me is that I am going to blog what I want to blog and not what I think I should blog. I am going to pledge to write what I want to write, not because I care what an audience might think, but because it is what I need to put down on 'paper'. If I sign up for a series of prompts, I will allow myself to deviate and to fit the prompts into my life rather than vice a versa.

This is a promise to myself to live more intentionally both for my own personal benefit and for the benefit of my family. So that I am relieved of the pressure to be more and/or different than who I am and I can return my focus to the wonderful life and beautiful family I already have.

So tell me, do you hope to live more intentionally this year and how does that look for you?

--

I tried to participate in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house) and ended up needing to reflect and renew on more than it could prompt me to.

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

The Ladybug is 2 months old

2012-01-01T16:10:00.002-05:00

Dear sweet Ladybug. You are two months old already. When your brother was born, we missed his one month update as well. It seems that between being born and having your two month birthday, so much goes on that it is impossible to sit down and write it all for month one. So here I am, trying to remember back over the past two months.

Well, here's something I remember clearly. You were born. We didn't get a whole bunch of pictures of you being born like we did with your brother because you came so fast! These were all taken on mommy's iPhone because we didn't even have the camera out yet!

Because you were born so late on a Thursday night, we stayed in the hospital until Sunday. We were all ready to go home by that time. Your brother came to visit you in the hospital but you were just starting to breastfeed and he wanted to be up on the bed and once he was up there, he was squirming and kicking and wanted to get close to mommy. So your dad had to take him out of the room. We tried to do it again once they came back, but Little G had a major tantrum in the hospital room, so Daddy took him home. That's why we don't have a single picture of the two of you together when you were first born. I'm so sorry about that...but trust me, you are better off for it :)

Soon after you were born, Gram came to meet you. You were a touch jaundiced, so the instructions were to keep you in the sun. Gram was really good at doing that.

While Gram was here, we took your picture for your birth announcement and we were able to capture the beautiful gray eyes you had when you were born. They are already changing to brownish green, so I am glad we have record of your gray eyes.

We eventually tried again to get a picture of you and Little G together, but this time you were the uncooperative one.

Finally, we succeeded one day in your first month while you were both on the couch.

Even thoughI am in my pajamas and even though the background of this picture belies the state of chaos our living room seems to have been in since you were born, this is one of my favorite pictures taken since you were born. You are so snuggly and lovely and gentile. For the first few weeks of your life, your daddy and I joked that you slept 23 hours of the day, but it seemed to be true. You were definitely difficult to rouse to eat those first few weeks!

When you first came home, Little G insisted on participating in all of your activities with you. Whether it be bouncy chair, gymini or in mommy's arms, Little G insisted you do it together. Your brother is so gentle with you and loves you so much. For the first few weeks you were home, he called you Clarin-in-in-n-n-na, but now he seems to have a better handle on it correcting us to call you Clarinnna (he's not so great at pronouncing "d's".

Grammy and Grampy came to meet you for your firstThanksgiving and you turned one month old. You outgrew all of your newborn and 0-3 month outfits from Carters...but who are we kidding, they size them too small.

Aunt K and Martha came to visit soon after Grammy and Grampy left and you charmed them with your sweet disposition.

We tried to get a family photo, but mommy had to rely on propping the camera up on the recycling bin in order to get it (one of the pitfalls of not living near family that you can just call up and ask to take your picture). Little G was too interested in the pile of leaves anyway...but this was our first picture taken as a family.

Often times you fall asleep during tummy time which is definitely not what we were used to with your brother who screamed 15 seconds into tummy time every. single. time. We are trying so hard not to continuously compare you to your brother and vice a versa, but it is so striking how different your personalities are. As daddy says, Little G came out with his hair on fire...you we can barely wake up to eat. And on the eating front it is hilarious to me that Little G would suck down his bottle in one fall swoop...like a piranha. You, however, take your time...we joke that you swirl it around in your mouth and sip it like fine wine.

Everynight when Little G goes to bed, you come with us to read his bed time story. Then, as of the past few weeks, we have put you to bed too...usually around 8:00pm...and you have gotten up anywhere between 2 and 4 in the morning for a snack and then gone back to bed until time to take Little G to daycare. This is pretty much the same schedule that he had at your age, so we are glad to be on the same track.

We've been getting baby smiles from you in the past few weeks. I think the first one was around week 5 or 6. One thing I have noticed is that it doesn't seem as though you have any dimples. But you have hair. Lots and lots of beautiful, thick, fuzzy hair. It is without-a-doubt, the first thing anyone comments on when they see you. I had this hair when I was your age - my dad used to tell me how people commented all the time about how beautiful my hair was. Usually this was during a total meltdown and hairbrush-throwing session since I also had this hair up until 6th grade. So I promise to let you venture into the world of hair products as soon as you want to. But here's a secret. As much as I hated my hair growing up, I can't not begin to describe how much I love yours and thus actually forgive my head of hair for being so horrid all of those years.

A couple of weeks ago, I started flipping you over to your tummy after diaper changes since you would be really awake and alert and you started lifting your head up at a 45 degree angle. You've also been giving us beautiful smiles and small coo's.

Just before Christmas, you and your brother visited with Santa. You were none to impressed, but he was totally smitten.

Ladybug, you are without a doubt, the most delicious baby. We are so filled with joy to have you in our lives and we are so proud of all of your achievements. These past two months have flown by in a way that is positively scary. Part of it is because you were born so close to Halloween and then very quickly it was Thanksgiving and then Christmas...a time of year that goes quickly for those WITHOUT kids...so you can only imagine how fast it has seemed for us.

One thing I have learned from mothering your brother is that we really have to hold on to these days because they do go so very, very fast. We all love you more than we ever thought was possible. The moment you were born, my heart and my capacity to love grew. It was so strange to be in the hospital with you and think to myself that we had a whole other child at home waiting to meet you. I can barely remember our lives without you in it.

Until next month my love...

Mommy

The Coolest Thing I Ever Upcycled is also My Proudest Creation...

2011-12-31T08:35:00.000-05:00

...which is great because those are TWO of the five official blogging topics for the PartSelect.com $5,000 GE Appliance Giveaway! So in the interest of winning us a cool $5,000 smacker-ooos which would be so very, very appreciated in this the-dishwasher-sometimes-gets-stuck-in-heat-up-mode and the washer-sometimes-doesn't-empty-the-water household, I'm reposting this amazing, awesome-sauce reverse stencil dresser project that I completed this Summer for my son's big-boy bedroom. Seriously, this project is without a shadow of a doubt the coolest DIY project I have ever accomplished...if you search for 'reverse stencil dresser' on Pinterest you get hundreds of hits of this dresser. It is my greatest brush with fame thusfar in my life.

So, without further ado...the full Reverse Stencil Dresser post:

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I did it!!

Remember that craaaaaZZy pants idea I had about reverse stenciling a ship onto a Craigslist-dresser-find? Well...I did it...so I have now gone from this:

to THIS!!

Now...you can stop reading here and just admire the pretty reverse stenciling (pardon my complete lack of modesty...I'm ridiculously proud of this dresser) OR you can read on for the step-by-step process...

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Step one - take out the drawers and tape out the inside of the dresser

Step 2 - remove hardware and tape out the edges of the drawers themselves

Step 3 - Insert drawers back into dresser without drawer pulls and pray you will be able to get them back out again (if you weren't painting the area between drawers, than you could easily just take the drawers out, stack them together, apply the stencil and paint them...but since I wanted the 'gap' area included in the painting, I had to paint everything while fully assembled)

Step 4 - apply decal according to directions (in this case it was to tape half of the decal down, separate the two layers, remove the backing and then press the decal into place.)

(smoothing out the decal)

(apply the bottom of the decal in the same way as the top)

Step 5 - use a knife to cut where the drawers edges are

Step 6 - remove top layer of decal, leaving decal in place

Step 7 - repeat process for second side of decal - note: since this decal was applied on a non-even surface, it was especially difficult to line up the decal and there may or may not have been some tears and cussing during this stage)

Step 8 - lightly sand dresser, try to avoid sanding over the decal

Step 9 - apply coat of primer to dresser, I used Kilz with the hope that it would truly keep the dresser from bleeding through the paint in the future

(after one coat of primer)

Step 10 - Apply two coats of white paint allowing to dry between coats

(after one coat of white paint)

Step 11 - IMMEDIATELY after last coat of paint, while paint is still tacky, start removing the decal

Step 12 - step back to enjoy handiwork :)

Step 13 - because of ridged, non-flat surface inbetween drawers, I ended up with some bleeding. To remedy this, I got a stain pen from Minwax and used it like a magic marker to clean up the bleeding a bit - below you can see where the bleeding occurred; I unfortunately do not have any pictures of the 'fix'

Step 14 - AFTER stain marker has fully dried, apply Polycrylic topcoat. Polycrylic is the way to go for a top coat that will go over both paint and stained surfaces, polyurethane will yellow any white paint you go over it with

Step 15 - remove painters tape and re-install hardware - project FINISHED!!

Custom decal was purchased from Dali Decals based on a design created using images purchased from Veer.com (ship artwork by Seamartini and Cloud images by Sunrise). All images by Miriam Bradford.

I miss him.

2011-12-15T20:20:00.002-05:00

Apologies for anyone who has already seen this on my Facebook...it has been a loooong, sad, frustrating day and I got thrown under the bus several times plus I'm pretty sure I have the flu. Or Mono. Or maybe just a head cold paired with incalculable amounts of lost sleep.

In addition to everything else that's going on, today I am thinking about Rhode Island Luaus, Cereal, the Aflac duck, a big orange kitty and this essay I wrote earlier in the year: For My Dad on His Day.

Travel

2011-12-07T12:43:00.001-05:00

At the end of February, Little G and I visited my mom in Pennsylvania. While there, we discovered I was pregnant!

In March, we visited my brother and sister-in-law in Rochester, NY to meet our new nephew. Here we are at the butterfly exhibit in the Children's Museum.

In April, we headed out to the Frozen Four Hockey Tournament in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Then I traveled back to PA for a girl's weekend to watch the Royal Wedding and hit up the Spa at the Hershey Hotel!

In May, my husband and I took an amazing trip to Cascais, Portugal.

While in Cascais, we spent a day wandering around Lisbon.

In July, we celebrated the 4th in the Adirondacks.

Then I got to take a quick mommy-only overnight trip to Philadelphia to see U2 with my sister.

The month rounded out with our yearly trip to the Jersey Shore.

Finally, in late September, we headed to the Vinyards of the North Fork of Long Island for a family wedding.

The year was filled with so many amazing and fun travel opportunities. I am so incredibly thankful to be able to do these fun things with my family throughout the year.

--
I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 7 was:

Favor

Where did you travel this year? What was your favorite part? If you didn’t get to travel, where do you want to go next year?

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Favor

2011-12-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

July is the beginning of the summer when there is still promise of what is to come. July is when we celebrate our nation's and my son's birthdays. This year, July meant my in-laws coming to visit, a trip to Philly (without a toddler) to see U2, an extended time of vacation at my mom and sister's house and of course, our yearly trip to the beach.

I grew up a mile from the ocean. I'm a Jersey Girl. Not of the MTV variety...but of the Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Down-the-Shore variety. My family has all transplanted elsewhere around the country, but we still yearn for summer at the beach. A couple of years ago, my sister and I decided to stop talking about getting back to the beach and go for it. We wanted to introduce our kids to the roar of the waves and the joy of skidding along them on a boogie board. To the beauty of the ocean first thing in the morning and the chaos of the beach in the middle of the afternoon. And to how much sweeter ice cream tastes when there is salt on your lips.

We go in July and thus my year is neatly divided into two parts...I spend August through December remembering how great the beach was and January through June looking forward to our next trip.

July was my favorite month of 2011 and I am already looking forward to it being my favorite month of 2012.

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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 6 was:

Favor

What was your favorite month of 2011? Why did it beat out all 11 other months?

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Befriend

2011-12-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

Little G and I had stepped quickly into a store in our neighborhood - one of several in a small enclave of boutiques and restaurants in our little corner of the bigger city. The resident doggie came over to the stroller for some sniffs and a woman commented that her children would love to see the doggie too. With that, a new friend was made.

She has twins, a few months younger than Little G. She lives two blocks away from me. She's witty and smart and fun and awesome and her children and Little G get along well. But I rarely get to see her. Our schedules are different and Little G is in daycare now, full time.

We catch up via blogs and Facebook - we know the comings and goings of our lives. But we haven't connected in person in many months. Too many. Thankfully the good thing about good new-friends is that the REALLY good ones are like really good OLD-friends: you can be apart long periods of time, yet reconnect really well no matter how long you've been separated - a bit like lost puzzle pieces.

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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 5 was:

Befriend

Did you meet any new friends this year? How did they impact your 2011?

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Haiku

2011-12-04T09:01:00.001-05:00

Cascais, U2, Beach
Her presence felt everywhere
And then she arrived
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I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 4 is:

Write a Haiku

Sum up your year, via haiku.

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Learn

2011-12-03T14:53:00.001-05:00

The day was sticky and we were both tired. Our plans to meet a friend had fallen through, but we still needed to get some lunch before the long trek home on the train and bus with our vegetable share. Little G and I sat at a lunch counter and looked out at the passing traffic. Our conversation was a combination of him requesting various forbidden things - chips, cookies, to get down and run among the customers waiting in line, to be all done with his hot dog, to go visit the fire truck that just passed by - and him pointing out as many things as he could recognize and insisting that I repeat his words. By the end of lunch we were both tired of each other.

As I packed up our lunch things and tidied our crumbs, a woman about my own mother's age caught my eye and said, "you have so much patience". My dreary eyes welled with tears. Patience is not my gift; I've had to learn it.

It is a lesson learned every day as I mother a spirited child. Sometimes I think I've got it down; many times I fail miserably. Always, it is one of the most important things I can give my child.

--
I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 3 was:

Learn

What lesson did you learn in 2011 from “The School of Life” rather than a classroom?

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Listen

2011-12-02T14:36:00.000-05:00

The other day I watched an episode of Glee on the DVR. The Glee club was doing its best to honor a member who needed some help accepting who she was and they sang Pink's anthem, Less Than Perfect.

I wrote about this song earlier in the year as it truly spoke to me every time I heard it and it encouraged me no matter what mood I was in to stop and think and believe in myself as a good mother to my son.

As I look back at 2011, Less Than Perfect is the one song that truly comes to mind as one that could completely change my mood.

Looking forward to 2012, I can only imagine that there will be much more music in my life. Children's laughter will most certainly permeate the air of our home and that is the best music of all.

--
I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 2 was:

Listen

What song did you listen to in 2011 to completely change your mood? Think about ways you can you add more music to your life in 2012.

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Some final thoughts on my birthing experience

2011-12-02T10:15:00.000-05:00

I had a few other things I wanted to take note of before closing the book on my birthing experience. Bear with me as I plow through these:

When I was about to leave for the hospital I had a moment where I got very, very emotional about the support team we had in place to take care of Little G. The logistics surrounding the birth event were going to be potentially complex and without knowing what day or time I was going to go in labor just made it even more confusing. We don't have any family that lives closer than a 7.5 hour drive, so having a support system in place was key to my being able to relax when I eventually DID go into labor.

In those moments before we left for the hospital, as I was thinking about our support team, I became overwhelmed with gratitude and thanksgiving. Some of the friends involved we've known for years, some we know more closely than others, some we only just met a year ago...but they are all such important parts of our lives and I am eternally grateful not only for their willingness to be heavily involved with the plans and logistics of getting Little G taken care of but for their friendship and support. See...I'm gonna cry again.

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I am so glad I downloaded a contractions timer app for my iPhone. I had downloaded it a few weeks prior when I had been having contractions about every 10 minutes. They were Braxton Hicks, but it was still interesting to see the patterns. Even now, looking back, it has been invaluable as a resource to see exactly what was going on at what point during the day. The app I downloaded was called Full Term and it was so simple to use. Just a button saying stop and start, plus the ability to erase the last contraction (if you got button happy) or erase the whole history (if you weren't sure if you were in labor and started the timer a week early or something foolish like that :). I also liked that it allowed me to see the intervals since the last contraction and the average over the hour. Tracking my contractions like that all day long was actually a great way to keep my mind focused. Lastly, I was able to download the whole thing into a spreadsheet to keep for my records. I highly recommend it.

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Working with our doula again was one of the best decisions we made. My husband likes to joke that he wished he had her job because she just shows up for a few minutes until someone has a baby and then she's done. But her job is so much more than that! First off, for most people, birth takes waaaaaaay longer than it did both times for us :). Secondly, even though my births were both fast, the level of support she offered along the way was invaluable.

Probably the biggest value to me, and the number one reason why I am so glad we hired her again, was the fact that while I was convulsing on the table after giving birth, she was there with me holding my hand, explaining what was going on and keeping me calm while my husband was with our new baby. Additionally, being able to call her during the day and get her opinion on things and listen to her advice was so helpful. She also was a huge support while we were in the car driving to the hospital...I was in transition through some of that drive and I just don't think I could have done it without her. Lastly, it was so great to be able to talk to her about my birth experience afterwards. Both births, she has made an appointment to visit with us a couple of weeks after we got home and her perspective has been amazingly helpful. I wouldn't have been able to pull together my birth stories without her additional information.

When I first got pregnant with Ladybug, my husband asked if I wanted to call our doula again and work with her. To be honest, I wasn't sure it was necessary but I told him if it made him more comfortable, than we should do it. Now that I have experienced birth as a newbie and as a veteran, both times with a doula at my side, I can say that it was totally worth it to have her there, I would work with her for any other pregnancies we may/may not have and I highly recommend to all expecting mothers to work hiring a doula into any birth plan and/or budget.

Choose One Word

2011-12-01T14:03:00.000-05:00

Everything from my business to my belly grew this year. My family grew last month. My heart grew the instant my daughter was born. My patience for my son grew over the long summer. My love for my husband grew daily as he helped support our family. It has been a year filled with so many things and events and happenings as our calendars grew over over the course of the year. Challenged to encapsulate the year with one word, I choose growth.

A year from now, as I look back over the year, I hope to be able to answer this challenge with the word present. My world is ever evolving and changing and, yes, growing - and it is incredibly hard to stay in the moment. Especially when mothering within the confines of the lonely stay-at-home existence makes it so luring to be continuously plugged in. This year, I hope to be present in my life, my husband's life and my children's lives - to allow myself the freedom to release myself from the online world enough to be present in my own world.

--

I am participating in WEverb11 this year (to the best of my abilities, what with a newborn in the house). The prompt for December 1 was:

Choose One Word

Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why. Imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you.

In the spirit of where this all started… this is the same first prompt from 2010.

Learn more about WEverb11 and sign up to receive the prompts

Some more thoughts on my birthing experience

2011-12-01T08:52:00.000-05:00

Our doula came over a couple of weeks ago to follow up with us, as she did in the weeks after Little G was born too. Along with getting to meet Ladybug again, we talked about the birth experience and compared our various stories. It was really great to see her again. If you think about it, this is someone that has been with us for both of the most momentous occasions of our lives...and then when all is said and done, she walks away from the hospital and on to her next family. Setting time to get together when things calm down a bit is a great way to get some closure - especially this time, since the birth was SO fast.

Talking with her also gave me a chance to discuss some of the feelings I had immediately after giving birth with someone who has a bit more experience than my husband...who has just as much insight as I have, having only done this once before. Here are a few things we discussed beyond the basic birth story that I found interesting.

When we got to the hospital, we both had a fear that the nurses wouldn't LET me give birth there!

My OB had given me instructions to call his answering service before heading to the hospital. He was out of town at a conference and had practically begged me not to go into labor before he got back since he missed Little G's birth too! Just prior to leaving for the hospital, we called the answering service and let them know I was on the way. I wasn't privy to the conversation because I was in deep labor somewhere away from the phone, so I don't know how the conversation went.

The hospital where I delivered has two registration areas, one for ER and one for Maternity. The Maternity registration desk is on the total opposite side of the hospital from the ER, but since we didn't know how late the Maternity registration desk was open, we headed to the ER. When we got there, an orderly whisked me up to Labor and Delivery and my doula was practically running along his side he was going so fast. We got to L&D and the nurses were all standing around a desk and they all looked up at me and said "Who are you?"

I was pretty discouraged at that moment so I went into logistical-coordinator-in-an-emergency mode and very calmly said "My name is -----, My doctor is Dr. -----, I am in labor and going to have a baby soon and I would like to take my boots off and get some warm socks". The nurses moved verrrrrry slowly to get me into a room and into a gown. Looking back, both my doula and I both had a momentary thought that they weren't going to let me have a baby there! My doula explained to me that in the nurses' defense, they had no idea I was coming and then I just showed up and said I was having a baby. Since I was so calm, they had absolutely no idea I was at 8 cm! Apparently most women at 8 cm can't even talk or function well, so by just looking at me, they thought I was in early labor!

To the nurses credit, once things got moving just a few moments after that, they were on. the. ball. Like amazingly so. They all worked together like a very well oiled machine and by the time the whole experience was over you could feel a dynamic shift in their attitude.

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With a fast birth, it took more time to bond with my daughter

This is something that I was afraid to admit to anyone until I had discussed it with my doula and she assured me how normal it is. While she was visiting us, we were discussing how when my daughter was born, she had a double, almost triple chin. I sheepishly admitted to my doula that I didn't really like Ladybug when she was born and they handed her to me. I thought she looked like Jabba the Hut and I was not impressed. (It scares me to know that someday my daughter WILL find this and read it and all I can say is keep reading, it gets better, keep reading.) My doula explained to me that my feelings were completely normal especially considering how fast her birth was. She said, when you have a chance to push your baby out, you bond with them over the course of pushing. But since Ladybug just showed up in one fell swoop, I didn't have that opportunity to bond with her.

This certainly meshes with my memory of Little G's birth. I remember it being a beautiful, memorable moment - pushing him out into the world, feeling like we accomplished his birth together. But with Ladybug, it was chaotic and anything but divinely beautiful. Don't get me wrong, it was still an incredible experience...but I couldn't think of it as such DURING the experience because there wasn't time to think lovely thoughts!

It was so helpful and empowering to have my doula validate how I had felt and I am really glad the subject came up as I would have internalized that for a long time had I not been able to process it with her.

STILL too sexy fo' my car

2011-11-30T11:00:00.000-05:00

So... remember how I had been driving a muscle car in the weeks prior to giving birth? And remember how I was joking about how H-A-W-T I must have looked trying to back my ass up to get into that car?

(source)

Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh....

Well, when I had my maternity photos taken a mere 5 days before Ladybug showed up, I coerced the photographer into taking some pin-up shots with me and my sexy car.

Behold the hotness!!!

I know you are mad jealous of my America's Next Top Model Skillzzzz!
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Maternity photos by: Emily Wilson - she's amazing!!

A Room of Ladybug's Own

2011-11-29T09:30:00.000-05:00

When we were getting ready for Little G to join our family, we turned our (then) guest room into his nursery. I was very excited to have created a space for Little G that was whimsical and not too theme-y and not too gender specific.

Once we found out our second child was a girl, I started thinking of ways I could transition his nursery into a space all our daughter's own without breaking the bank.

I'm pleased as punch with how it turned out!

All of the details along with some fun comparison shots are over at the FLOR blog...go check it out!!

Please don't hate...

2011-11-28T09:59:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to go ahead and say it.

As of 10 days post-partum, I weighed less than when I got pregnant and was able to legitimately put on my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Ok...go ahead and hate. I mean, I totally would if it were someone else.

But let me just get through this because I don't normally brag about my body and for once, I'm totally excited about it.

Waaaaaay back before I was pregnant with Little G, I weighed 206lbs. Here's a picture of me the month before I got pregnant:

While pregnant with Little G, I gained over 40 lbs. He weighed 10 lbs, 5oz. Here's a picture of me the day before I gave birth:

I only ever lost around 30 lbs of my pregnancy weight with Little G...meaning that I started this pregnancy with Ladybug at 216lbs. Here is a picture of me exactly one day before I found out I was pregnant with Ladybug.

With Ladybug, I only gained 13 lbs. She weighed 10lbs, 4.8oz. Here's a picture of me 5 days before I gave birth:

So here we are. This is a picture of me taken last Sunday. (Ignore the mahem in the background, I seriously grabbed the iPhone and asked hubs to take a picture just so I could post it). I'm in my pre-pregnancy jeans that fit better than before I got pregnant, even though I still have a small bit of my pregnancy pooch left. My weight on that day was 212.

I wish I could take credit for having done something right, but I didn't really make any major lifestyle changes this pregnancy. The best I can attribute it to is that I was mostly pregnant over the summer which meant that

I was eating better since most of what we eat during the summer comes from our CSA

and
I was running around with Little G all summer, walking all over the place. Everywhere from the Children's Museum to various parks to chasing him around the beach, etc.

Anyway, even though I know it is totally obnoxious to post this (especially so close to after Thanksgiving), I really just wanted to share this small triumph in my life.

So, yay. Go me!

Ok...now back to our regularly scheduled snark and self-deprecation.

Maternity photos!!

2011-11-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine is friends with a fantastic photographer from Philadelphia, Emily B. Wilson. Emily was planning on being up in the Boston area just before Ladybug's due date and offered to take maternity pictures for us. If you'll recall, I went the DIY route for my maternity pictures with Little G, but that was before we had a toddler in the mix.

I'm so pleased with these pictures and so glad we got to take them before it was too late!

Little G was acting his age through most of the photo shoot...which meant running around and not wanting to be held back by mommy and daddy. But as you can see, he's a total camera ham! He just didn't want to be tied down to us. But she got some great shots of the three of us too, which is a total testament to how great she is to work with.

In these photos, I am 38 weeks, 5 days pregnant...but Ladybug decided to show up a mere 5 days after these were taken!

I have to mention, I was DREADING going to this photo shoot because I was uncomfortable and I no longer felt good about my body. While I have always said I never feel more comfortable with my body than when I am very pregnant, there has always been a point in my pregnancies that I have passed that level of bliss and moved on to the oh-my-gosh-I'm-gigantic phase. I was so close to cancelling this photo shoot on numerous occasions and I am so glad I didn't. Not only did Emily do an amazing job capturing my family, but she made me feel so incredibly comfortable. She truly is a professional and I can only hope that her business takes her far!

Go check her out!!

Emily B. Wilson Photography

Breaking news!!

2011-11-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

Ok...not really, but I'm excited about it.

After much thoughtful consideration, I have decided to officially nickname our daughter (for the purposes of this blog and general terms-of-endearment-usage)...

Ladybug!

Some thoughts on my birthing experiences

2011-11-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

On Braxton Hicks vs. Real Contractions

I had very strong Braxton Hicks contractions in the weeks before Ladybug was born. Some were strong enough to take my breath away and I definitely had to stop what I was doing and wait for them to pass. I didn't remember what the difference had been for me between the Braxton Hicks and the real contractions for Little G's birth, so when I finally had some real contractions I was quick to notice that they were very different.

The Braxton Hicks would wash either over or across my whole body like a wave (with Little G) or deeply below that near my pelvis (with Ladybug). But my real contractions felt like they were centered from within like a very deep, very intense period cramp. They also set in quickly and dissipated slowly. For instance, if the pain scale for each individual contraction went to 10 it would look like this with the spacing:

45-6--7--8--9---10------------9---8---7---6---5---4---3----2----1

On Symphosis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD

I find it slightly interesting that although I was aware that my pelvis was already in place and ready to have a baby, it never even dawned on me that the end of my labor would go QUITE that fast! Which in hindsight deserves a big-fat-DUH! Seriously. I was walking around in excruciating pain for weeks solely because my pelvis had already moved into position to birth a child which meant that it had no support and was basically just dangling along. I even joked to people that my body was just going to spit out a baby because it was already ready...and yet I was so shocked that she came so quickly. Yeah. Duh.

Sane is best!

2011-11-18T10:40:00.001-05:00

See this woman?

I hate her.

I have the same, exact breast pump and there is no way in hell that I could ever A) get that much milk and B) sit there calmly at my desk with my suit top open and write a memo...or do basic math...or doodle...or whatever it is she's doing.

So, Ladybug turned three weeks old yesterday and that is exactly how old her big brother was when I made the difficult, but right for me, decision to stop breastfeeding. You can read all about that emotional roller coaster HERE.

Before Ladybug was born I promised myself that I wasn't going to let myself get as emotionally invested in breastfeeding as I did last time. The last thing any of us needs is a weepy momma who can't function because she's gone bat-sh*t crazy over breastfeeding. I thought that if I was ultra aware of the risks of getting too attached to breastfeeding than maybe I wouldn't fall so hard if/when it didn't work again. My goal was to make it three weeks; as long as I made it with Little G.

And yet, bat-sh*t crazy-land is exactly where I found myself heading emotionally just a couple of weeks ago. Ladybug was losing weight at a rapid pace and our pediatrician suggested that we start supplementing. I was ok with that, but I was so sad that I once again wasn't able to breastfeed exclusively. I had pumped in the hospital when she wouldn't latch onto a side in an attempt to keep my breasts stimulated (and I was ecstatic when I got 7cc's of colostrum one night) but now we had to do the exact thing that had drove me over the edge with Little G: I was supposed to breastfeed, then supplement, then pump to try to up my supply. Although Ladybug wasn't crying after breastfeeding like Little G did, thus making it impossible to find time to pump, I was only getting 1-2 oz a session which was starting to feel pointless and unproductive.

And then it happened.

Ladybug started latching on improperly just like her brother did when he annihilated my nipple in the course of a few hours. I recognized that this was a bad thing...a very, VERY bad thing, so I stopped breastfeeding Ladybug immediately and went to exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula to protect my nipples from the infection that devastated my supply last time.

Since then, I contacted a nutraceutical pharmacologist at a local compounding center and started on a course of Mallunggay leaves and Eye of Newt...kidding on that last one...it's really Goat's Rue. These are to hopefully up my supply. I've been taking them since Monday afternoon and so far I don't see an increase in production, but it can take some women up to two weeks to notice a difference.

As I said, as of yesterday, I have provided as much breast milk as I can for my daughter for three weeks which is exactly what my goal was. I am hoping that in the next few days some more milk will start to come in and I can potentially give her more than I am currently giving her. But if that doesn't happen, I am trying to get myself ready to let it go.

But even with all of my emotional precautions, even with a two year old IN THE HOUSE who thrived on formula, it is so hard not to beat myself up about this. No matter how many times I tell myself that a sane mommy is best, the message that breast is best is the loudest one I hear.

What was your breastfeeding journey?

The birth story of Baby C - 10/27/11

2011-11-17T15:06:00.001-05:00

Baby C’s due date was November 5, 2011. But as early as mid-October, I had a feelingthat she wasn't going to wait until her due date to show up. My pregnancy had been fairly easy but it wasdefinitely different than Little G's. Ihad very intense Braxton Hicks contractions with Baby C that centered wellbelow my belly. Little G's were mostlythe kind that washed over my belly in comparison. Probably the biggest difference in my secondpregnancy was that I had some very severe pain in my groin which ended up beingSPD, or Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. Basicallyit means that your body is releasing hormones that are causing your pelvis tostart to separate in preparation for having a baby. While it was nice to know my body was readyto give birth, it was excruciatingly painful.

The Braxton Hicks contractions were very intense the weekprior to having Baby C and I was as positive as I could be that she wascoming within the week…of course, I couldn’t really know…but I couldn’t imagine her NOT coming early. On the Friday before she was born, I had anOB appointment and I wasn’t surprised to hear that I was already 2cm dilated. My OB suggested I take it easy over the nextfew days since he was going out of town and wanted to make sure that I didn’tgive birth while he was away! Sadly,that wasn’t to be as the very next day we had our maternity picture sessionscheduled to shoot.

We gathered with our friends and the photographer at the Arboretumon Saturday morning to take pictures and then afterwards we all headed to theFranklin Park Zoo…so instead of sitting and resting I was on my feet from 9until 2pm that day…oops. Not much happenedafter the zoo, though, so who knows if it had anything to do with my laborstarting early.

The next Thursday morning, October 27, I woke up around 3:30in the morning and realized I had been having pretty steady contractions thatwere coming every ten minutes. I startedtracking them on my iPhone at 4:50am and texted my doula an hourlater:

10/27/2011 5:47am

Me:
Hi there...pretty sure labor has started. Contractions every 10 min for past 90min. Hubs will take G to daycare at 7 and then swing by work to pick up somestuff. Should be back by 9. Any ideas on when you should come over? Feel freeto call. We're up.

The Doula:
How intense are things feeling? And how long are they lasting? As long asthey mild and manageable and spaced to 10 minutes we will call it on the earlyside. When they get closer, longer and a bit stronger I could make my way.

Me:
They're pretty intense and just short of a minute each (thanks to my handyiPhone tracker app). Haven't gotten out of bed though...cause I'm warm and comfy.Should I do that to see if they change? Also, may have potentially broken waterbut really not sure. Barely a trickle if that

The Doula:
No problem to stay in bed! They may be more managable if you are not lying downbut if you are comfy let's go with it! Get up when you feel so inclined and weshall see how/if they change.

Me:
Hubs would like me to ask if you think this is the beginning of labor :)

The Doula:
Yes! I would say you are in early labor

The Doula:
Let's see what the next few hours bring and touch base again

Me:
ok

My contractions kept consistently coming faster with a fewrandom ones thrown in that were a bit longer in frequency. By 8:00 in the morning, I was getting down toevery 6-8 minutes and by 8:30 I had had several at a frequency of only every 4-6minutes. We had alreadycalled/emailed/texted the support team we had put in place for Little G logistics. They figured out amongstthemselves who would bring Little G home from daycare, who would meet him atthe house, who would get him dinner and who would stay overnight with him basedon their various work schedules. So westarted to gather our things to go to the hospital and I continued to track mycontractions. But over the next hourthey spaced out again to every 6-8 minutes. From 9:30 – 10:30 they were every 9-11 minutes. By noon time, they were only every halfhour. I called our doula pretty muchdevastated because I was convinced I had broken my labor. Since I didn’t go into labor naturally withLittle G, I had no idea if what I had been experiencing was real or not and Iwas so disappointed and discouraged. Ialso felt ashamed (and I admit that it was silly to feel this way) that I hadposted on Facebook that we were going to have a baby that day and I had gottenour Little G-back-up-team all in a tizzy and it seemed like things were reallyslowing down. Could I have been in falselabor? Did I have days, possibly weeksleft to go?

Our doula assured me that it was very ‘normal’ for labor toslow down sometimes in the middle. Ihadn’t broken anything. She explainedthat sometimes our bodies quiet things down in preparation for all of the workthat we’re going to have to do later. She suggested that we sit tight, watch a movie and relax a little bit. She also suggested that if we wanted to seeif we could move labor along, we could try nipple stimulation and/or tryintercourse. The most important thingshe mentioned doing was trying to get my mind off of my stalled labor. So I did what anycrazy-pants-lady-in-stalled-labor would do…I made a pork belly roast! To be fair, my labor was really stalled and Ihad taken out two pork bellies earlier in the week with the intent of braisingthem and they HAD to be made that day or we would lose them…so I figured Iwould start cooking them since we’d either get to enjoy them, or have to throwthem out because they either went bad in the refrigerator or because I had toabort cooking them halfway through to go to the hospital and have a baby.

After throwing the roast in the oven, my husband and I sat downto watch a movie, “Horrible Bosses”…which was a pretty horrible movie. Pretty soon it was time to pick up Little G from daycare. I didn’t have anythingelse to do, so I went along for the ride, having called off the troops for thetime being. On our way to pick upLittle G, my husband asked me what I wanted to do for dinner and I looked at him andsaid that I wanted to share the roast pork belly with our friends. So my husband sent out an email to our supportteam letting them know we had a HUGE amount of braised pork belly ready to eatin our house and that I wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by goodfriends while my labor was stalled.

We got back from picking up Little G and pretty soon ourneighbors showed up with their two little ones. Little G's Godmother showed up next. I finished off the pork belly bybroiling it to get it extra crispy and added some chopped cabbage to round outthe dish and eventually served it up to everyone. From 6:00 – 7:00, while everyone was overhaving dinner, my contractions finally ramped up again and averaged every 8-11minutes. We said goodbye to our neighborssince it was bed time for their kids and Little G's Godmother stayed, insisting that she wasgoing to stay overnight to be with Little G if we headed to the hospital. We put Little G to sleep and over the nexthour my contractions went down again to every 10-12 minutes.

It was now 8:00pm and we called our doula again to let herknow that things were ramping up again. I decided that I wanted to try getting in our tub to labor but I quicklyrealized that was NOT a position for me. I am sure it would work great if we had a super big tub and I was asmaller person…but as it was, I was wedged into a cold, iron tub and barelyable to lay down even with my legs fully bent. It was the opposite of comfortable even if I hadn’t been in labor. I had one contraction while in the tub anddecided that was enough of that so instead I had my husband unwedge me from myuncomfortable position and help me stand up so I could take a shower. Now THAT felt good. It was super hot and very comforting, buteventually, I started to prune so I decided it was time to get out.

It was now close to 9:00pm and my contractions had beenevery 5-7 minutes apart so we called our doula again and asked her to come overto our home. In the meantime, my husband started getting things in the car and ready for when she arrived. I settled down into a chair in our livingroom and sat there listening to the music on my iPod that I had made into asoothing playlist way back when Little G was born. My contractions were getting VERY intense,but were still not consistently 5 minutes apart. My husband asked my permission to go upstairs andtake a quick shower before our doula got there and I told him to go, but goquickly. While he was gone, I ended uphaving two major contractions that could only have been 5 minutes apart. I know this because I exclaimed during thesecond one that my husband was taking the “World’ Most F*cking Long Shower”, but Iwas told afterwards by Little G's Godmother (who was quietlyknitting on our couch through the whole process) that my husband was literally onlygone for 5 minutes AND he had shaved…making it quite possibly the world’s shortest shower.

A few minutes after my husband came back downstairs, our doula arrived at our house. I had a fewcontractions while she was at the house and it was so great to have her thereto help me release the tension I was holding in my shoulders and remind me tobreathe through the contractions. Westarted discussing going to the hospital and I decided that I wanted to gosooner than later because I knew there were a lot of things that would need toget done before I could settle in and focus on having a baby. I kept saying, “We’ll need to park the car,get out of the car, walk in, explain who we are, fill out the paper work, talkto the anesthesiologist even though I don’t want an epidural, get an IV, etc.” My husband pointed out that the only thing Ineeded to do in all of that list of things was get-out-of-the-car and he wouldtake care of the rest. But still, we decidedit was a good time to go. As instructedby my OB, we called his answering service to let them know we were on the wayto the hospital. At that point it wasaround 10:00pm and things were now in the 4-5 minute range. It was also snowing outside, so I thought we shouldtake our Volvo because it is a safer car…but then I started to feel a bit nauseous,so I quickly suggested we take my husband’s rickety old VW Jetta instead.

We headed out the door and to the car. I was wearing my pajamas, a hugesweatshirt-material robe and rubber boots (because it was snowing). Our doula sat in the back and coached methrough the contractions while we drove the 25 minutes to the hospital. I have to give my husband major credit herebecause there was SO much fog on the windows from my heavy breathing that hecould barely see and he managed to miss most of the potholes on the way to thehospital. While in the car, I had twocontractions that were double contractions; meaning that they ramped up andstarted to come down and then stalled and went up again before comingdown. In hindsight, we now know that Iwent through transition in the car in those two contractions. We got to the hospital and headed to the ERbecause we didn’t realize that the maternity check-in area was open untilmidnight. I had another awfulcontraction while getting out of the car and I remember crying to my husband andtelling him that I didn’t want a baby anymore. He reminded me that I just had to get through the contraction I washaving and to just focus on that. Our doula and I headed into the hospital and my husband went back outside to get all of ourstuff out of the car before the Valet could take it away. At that moment, I had another contraction anddecided that since I was at the hospital I was no longer going to track them onmy iPhone like I had been doing all day, so I slammed my iPhone on the counter in protest.

An orderly helped me get into a wheel chair and then rolledme all the way to Labor and Delivery. Itwas a least a five minute walk and he was BOOKING it! Our doula was practically running next to himas he raced through the hallways. Whenwe got to Labor and Delivery, it was very quiet and there were three nurses atthe station and they all looked up at me and one said, “Who are you?” Apparently the answering service had nevercalled the hospital to let them know I was on the way!! I looked at the nurses and very calmly said, “My name is --- ------. My OB is Dr. ------. I am in labor and I would like to take off myboots and I would like some warm slippers. I would also like my husband.”

The nurses were all pretty slow in my mind, but inhindsight, they had no idea how far along in my labor I was and I was actingpretty rational…not at all like a person who is about to actually givebirth. One nurse took me into a deliveryroom and handed me a gown and told me to change into it. I went into the bathroom and changed into thegown but for some reason didn’t remove my underwear. As I came out of the bathroom, my husband finallyshowed up. The nurse wanted me to get onthe bed so she could put the fetal monitor on me and I hesitated because I didn’twant to be tethered to the monitor for my whole labor. Our doula and my husband pointed out that theyneeded to monitor the baby for just a little bit so they could know what mystatus was.

I sat down on the bed and the nurse asked me where my baby’sheartbeat usually was found and I pointed it out to her and she found it rightaway. It was about 11:00ish and someonecasually asked if I was going to have a baby today or tomorrow. I said I had no idea. I mention this because I feel like thatmoment right there was the only moment of relative calm in the entire time Iwas in Labor and Delivery! Not longafter that moment, I felt another contraction coming on and I sat up on theside of the bed. Mid-contraction, I felt a pop, almost what seemed to be a baby kick but it was way lower than any kicking baby hadever kicked me before. Immediately afterthat, my water broke and literally gushed all over the side of the bed. A few moments later the Resident on call cameinto the room and checked my cervix while I was sitting at the side of thebed. I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced butat 0 station. To have a baby, you haveto be at 10 cm dilated and +3 station. The latter of which is a measurement of where the baby is in relation tothe birth canal and your pelvis. Toquote the doctor, “the baby’s still pretty high up there”.

The Doctor left and not long after that I had anothercontraction while sitting on the side of the bed. Toward the end of the contraction I felt themost intense need to push and I said, “I have to push”. But then the contraction ended. Our doula looked at one of the nurses andsaid, “She’s talking about pushing, can you get the Doctor?” Since the contraction was over, the nurseswere trying to get me into a new gown but I only got it halfway on when Istarted to have another massive contraction. This time, I HAD to push…I couldn’t stop. The nurses were all saying, “DON’T PUSH” andin my head I was thinking I was only at 8cm, and you can’t have a baby until 10cm, so clearly I was going to completely rupture my body in some way if Ipushed…but I couldn’t stop it from happening. I pushed and the baby’s head was crowning. our doula called my husband over to where she wasstanding because you could see the baby (he had been standing in front of me helping to hold me up). I felt the ring of fire and knew that ourbaby was coming. I tried to crouch downinstinctively and someone said, “Don’t Sit!! You’ll sit on her head!!” but I was just trying to crouch. With one massive push, I pushed our baby girlout of my body just as the Doctor was running into the room to catch her beforehitting the floor! There was a massivegush of body fluids all over the place. It was 11:12pm; only 35 minutes after arriving at the hospital andwithin 20 minutes of getting into my hospital gown.

They helped me lay down on the bed so I could deliver theplacenta at that point and they put my feet in the stirrups. Because my body had delivered so quickly, itwas still in transition and all of the hormones and adrenaline were stillrushing through my body. As I lay there,my body was convulsing out of control and it was one of the freakiest things Ihave ever seen. I cannot express enoughhow glad I was to have our doula there with me to explain all of the thingsthat were going on with my body. Whilethis was going on, my husband was with Baby C as she got cleaned up and got herVitamin K drops. They weighed andmeasured her at 10 pounds, 4.8oz (only .2 oz less than Little G) and 21.25inches long (only .25 inches shorter than Little G).

Because I gave birth standing up, I had less of a tear thanI had with Little G and generally was in better condition. This time, I got a local while the Doctorstitched me up but it was difficult to focus on what she was doing anywaybecause my body was shaking uncontrollably. Eventually, things calmed down and the doctor finished stitching meup. We spent the next hour or so in thelabor and delivery room answering all of the questions and filling out all ofthe forms that we should have filled out prior to having the baby including finally getting my hospital bracelet!

The birth of our daughter was the most intense and chaoticmoment of my life. When our son wasborn, I was enamored with him and the process. We had worked together to birth him and I felt like we were a teamtogether. But with my daughter, therewas no time to bond like that. It wasfast and furious and anything but deeply meaningful. But it was still a beautiful birth and I amso incredibly proud of my body for birthing our daughter in such a spectacularway.

-----

If you haven't already read it and are interested in doing so... you can find the birth story of our son, Little G, here: http://www.otherpiecesofme.com/2009/08/birth-story-of-our-son-07-08-09.html.

An open letter to Bono - and then I'll stop...promise.

2011-11-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Bono,

I'm not sure how I found out about your latest project, From the Sky Down, but I did. And even though I was in the hospital having just had my second child, I knew it was important enough for me to look into it further, so I did (all hail the power of the smart phone) and I was able to set up our DVR to record it on Showtime.

I knew that the piece was a documentary that was made reflecting on the 20th anniversary of Achtung Baby...my third most-favorite of all of your albums. But until I saw the film this past weekend (what can I say..we've been busy) I was unaware of how much I would respect you even more after seeing it.

You see, a long time ago, I was a musician too. But before that ever happened, I was just a nerdy kid trying to get through junior high. My older sister was a freshman in college and I was visiting her during Parent's Weekend. There was no end to my level of admiration for my sister and her totally-cool, super-awesome college friends so when they all mentioned going to see a movie that night and the possibility of me going along with them I was totally excited.

We all piled into someone's very small hatchback with me crouched in the leg space of the front passenger seat. I felt important and risky and cool. At the theater, we got tickets to see "Rattle and Hum", a movie about a band called U2. I rarely listened to the radio and when I did it was to bubble gum, eighty's pop like Tiffany and Wham!. Sometimes I branched out toward Duran Duran, but only when at my best friend, Stephanie's, house.

I can remember sitting in the dark theater watching the movie and falling deeply and madly in love with you. I had never seen anything so sexy in my life as you running your hands through your sweaty hair and passionately belting out the most amazing music into the microphone. "Rattle and Hum" changed my life. I came home and immediately purchased the album...as in the actual record...and then purchased an album of "Joshua Tree". I listened to them daily enraptured by the incredible instrumentation and melodies and words and your voice.

It was about this time in my life where I discovered the pure and utter joy of singing. I was pretty good at it and went on to take voice lessons and go to a performing arts high school and eventually major in vocal performance in college. One thing I could never truly describe to people was that when I was singing, I was never really singing the words, although you could always understand what I was saying, rather I was always singing the music. I was emoting the feeling that the music gave to me. To this day, I know that is why I was a great singer...because I felt the music.

Last weekend, I got the chance to sit down and watch your latest project, From the Sky Down. It is a documentary made reflecting on the 20th anniversary of Achtung baby. Much of the film focuses on the struggle you as a band were having coming together after the blinding success of "Joshua Tree" followed by the critically panned "Rattle and Hum" and trying to figure out who you were and where you wanted to go next. The film gives an incredible view into the band's and your creative process where the songs and the melodies and the riffs all come together on their own and the words come later. I watched the piece in awe seeing for the first time that my creative process was not unlike yours.

The movie touches upon your distaste for the film and album project, "Rattle and Hum". But I felt it necessary to write this letter to you to let you know that those things were not for naught. "Rattle and Hum" was an awakening for a lost seventh grader who would blossom into a confident, poised singer. It was the beginning of a revolution for me and the discovery of who I was meant to be.

So, thank you. I know I'm only one person among billions...but I can only hope that my story could potentially transform the film and album experience of "Rattle and Hum" for U2...even if just for a moment.

I love you too, U2

2011-11-15T10:43:00.001-05:00

While breastfeeding in the middle of the night last week, I was listening to a mix of slow, relaxing songs that I had curated into a playlist before I had Garrison. That playlist accompanied my first labor and was instrumental in my being able to focus as I went through each contraction. This time around, labor was too fast to even set up the sound dock for my iPod, but we did listen to it after I had her while we were still in the delivery room answering all of the registration questions that we skipped earlier in the evening since I was having a baby right.here.right.now.thank.you.very.much.ma'am!

Anyway, the playlist is soothing and I liked to listen to it when breastfeeding because it helped calm me down and relax me. Soon, a song by U2 came on and I started to listen to the beautiful melodies and sway to the beat and I looked at Ladybug and started to tell her about Bono and how U2 is mommy and daddy's favorite band when it hit me.

She's already heard them in concert!

My husband and I got to see the U2 360 tour when they came to Boston a couple of months after Little G was born. My husband promised me back when we were dating that he would take me to a U2 concert since I had never been...and then three tours later, I finally made him get tickets. It was absolutely amazing.

So...when my sister called me up and offered to take me AGAIN for my birthday I was ecstatic! It isn't often you get to see the same tour...almost two years after you've already seen it for the first time! But since it was the second-to-last show on the tour and the whole shebang had been put off a year thanks to Bono's accident and subsequent back surgery, that's just how it worked out. The concert was in Philadelphia so I just had to get myself there. It didn't matter that I was 6 months pregnant - I was totally gung ho about getting to see them again.

Funny story, when we got to the stadium, I was famished, so we tried to find a place to sit down and eat but there was no place to sit down on the concourse. We ended up getting a hot dog and fries and wandering around trying to locate our seats. I was walking pretty slowly even back then, so it took a while to get to our level where we still didn't see any place to sit down. Eventually, I just plopped myself down on a stairwell so I could scarf down my cold fries. I finished them quickly and we continued toward where our seats theoretically should have been, but there were big glass doors and security in the way so my sister kept trying to go around that area. Finally I asked her where the tickets said we were supposed to be and she said "C---". I looked at her and exclaimed..."C means, CLUB! We go through those glass doors!" She totally didn't believe me, but it was true. And let me tell you, walking through those doors into the gloriously air conditioned club area was hilarious. There were cushy lounge-type seats EVERYWHERE. There were carving stations and bars and people just walking up to you handing out menus so you could use your smartphone to order and have them deliver it to your seat. We could not stop laughing at the fact that I had just been scarfing down cold fries in a stairwell moments prior!

Anyway, we eventually headed out to our seats and were greeted with the iconic U2 360 set.

The evening was absolutely gorgeous and the concert was ah-maze-ing. A MAZE ING!!! Ladybug didn't make a move during the entire concert, so I'm hoping it is because she was listening intently :) My one and only issue with the concert was that the people around us all sat down...like...through most of the concert! I did not. And I didn't care who was behind me. If my preggo ass could stand up through the concert than it was going to stand up.

I even got to record a bit on my iPhone to take with me as a memento of the awesome night.

I can only hope that my daughter will grow up to like them as well...but if we're being totally honest...it would be like me growing up to adore fill-in-the-blank-of-whatever-lame-o-band-my-parents-liked-around-the-time-I-was-born. Yeah...that's gonna hurt.

A Blessingway

2011-11-14T08:40:00.001-05:00

Last Saturday the 5th (Ladybug's original due date) she and I headed out of the house to attend a blessingway* for a good friend of mine whom I have always referred to on this blog as, Roberta. I've known Roberta and her husband for a long time, you may recall my sharing a certain one of my it-could-only-happen-to-me type stories involving her and her husband a while back. Roberta and Chris have a son who is a year older than Little G and the four of us hang out together on Tuesdays during the summer on CSA pickup day.

Anyway, she is due with their second baby in early December so she held a blessingway to celebrate the upcoming birth and we were invited. Since it was Ladybug's original due date, we didn't think I would be able to attend, but since she showed up early, we were excited to be able to participate.

When we got to Roberta's house, she was at the end of the process of getting a large henna tattoo on her belly. She had the artist draw a cross near where they think the baby's heart is and then she gave the artist carte blanche to do whatever she wanted. The picture is below and you can see it was gloriously beautiful!

After the artist was finished with Roberta's belly she offered to draw on our hands. Below are the many beautiful designs we ended up with. (Mine is on the far left)

The henna itself dries and then you flake it off and it leaves a dark yellow tattoo on your skin. The next day, it darkens. You can see what mine looked like the next day, below.

There were many mommies there, a couple of us with new 'second' babies who are still nursing, so they were invited as well. At one point Ladybug napped alongside another baby friend and we all joked that they looked like they were passed out at a frat party. There may have been mention of getting a couple of empty beer cans to use as a prop for the photo below, but they seem to emulate the drunken-passed-out look just fine without props.

After most of the guests had left, Roberta's husband and son came back from their outing and Ladybug and I spent some time with them.

I remember getting the invitation for the blessingway and being disappointed because I figured I wouldn't be able to attend and I wanted so badly to go and support Roberta. Thankfully, Ladybug apparently can't miss a good party so we were both able to attend.

--

* so, what is a blessingway? My husband asked the same question and I tried to explain that it was an event to celebrate the new baby and mother that was different than a shower. I explained that a shower had games, and balloons and themes and cake whereas the blessingway was a place to share stories and give blessings to the mom-to-be. Of course my husband immediately said, "will there be food and cake?". To which I answered, "yes". Which then prompted him to snark, "than it's a shower."

Whatever, blessingway or shower, it was an awesome afternoon filled with friends and love.

Have you ever attended a blessingway?

Oh Lordy - where do I even start!?

2011-11-09T13:19:00.003-05:00

So much to blog about already and sooooo leeeetle time.

As I write this my husband is downstairs waiting for me to be done in the shower so we can go for a walk in the almost-70-degree weather with the baby before having to be back to feed again.

Hence the announcement and then the lack of posting. Our schedule should be getting back to some-semblance-of-normal in the next few weeks and then I promise not to vanish into bloggy-thin air.

Until then...a few thoughts:

1 - Not sure what name to assign our daughter here. I call our son 'Little G' and would like to have an equally nondescript moniker for our daughter but other than Little Miss or Little C (which looks too much like 'G' in my opinion) or Miss C. Any votes/ideas?

2 - Having a baby the second time around is soooooo much easier than the first time...at least for me physically. That could have something to do with having her within 34 minutes of stepping inside the hospital while standing at the side of my bed. The ONE THING that hurts more with the second...and apparantly more and more with each child (so holy HECK Mrs Duggar this must KILL you every time) are the uterine cramps after giving birth. They were excruciating and every nurse that came in said the same thing...they're worse with your second and even more so with each kid.

3 - Oh we're doing the breastfeeding dance again and I go back and forth between just wanting to make it three weeks like I did with Little G and wanting to SUCCEEDREALLYBADLY!! The latter of which is not as much of a crapshoot as last time around since this little girl has a much better latch and is definitely not the spitfire her brother was at this point in his life.

4 - there's so much more...like how I finally finished her room and the maternity pictures we took and that damn rental car I got to return the day before I had her and the henna tattoo I got on my hand at a blessing way for another friend's soon-to-arrive baby and her BIRTH STORY...oh God, her birth story is magnificent and I am already forgetting parts of it...and how amazing it was having our doula to work with the second time around even though I doubted needing her and and...and...

I'm headed downstairs to go on that walk.

Be back soon.

She's Here!!

2011-11-04T15:54:00.001-04:00

Here we go!!

2011-10-27T08:08:00.000-04:00

I'm in labor. Contractions started at 3:30 this morning. Pretty sure my water broke...although it seems to be just a trickle.

Waaaaay back in February, I peed on a stick six days before my period was due and for the 8th time in as many moths, it was negative.

Thankfully, a few days later when I actually missed my period, I realized that there was a slight chance that I was off on my ovulation date, so I tried again and it was blatantly, obviously, two-pink-lines positive.

I fell to my knees in the middle of my mom's living room floor and cried out with utter joy and thanksgiving and happiness, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, thank you thank you thank you thank you!"

I can't believe that the time is finally here to meet our little girl. I have loved you since before you ever were conceived.

The next day or so is going to be so different than anything you have ever known; but don't worry. We will take care of you.

I hope you know how much your mom and dad and big brother love you and how excited we are to meet you.

We'll see you soon.

Love,

mom

Will she know him?

2011-10-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

When Little G was 10 weeks old, I took a trip to Pennsylvania so he could meet my dad who was in the hospital. As you can see from the video - they were smitten with each other.

It was easy to convince myself that they somehow were souls that were bound to each other. It seemed like my dad could look into Little G's eyes and see where he had come from...and it felt like Little G was trying to tell something to my dad about where he was going.

I know it sounds silly, but in the early days of Little G's life, when I would look at him and wonder about how I was possibly going to teach him about the most important thing in our lives, God, I would be overcome with a sense of peace that he must know more than I could ever tell him because he was just there.

So, with the second anniversary of my father's death looming ahead and with the impending birth of my daughter, I am finding myself hoping that my baby girl somehow knows my dad. I know she'll never be able to speak those words to me, and I know that a lot of this is just me projecting what I wish could be true onto my unborn child.

But what if.

(picture of my sister and my father from the summer of 1970)

Update

2011-10-25T09:56:00.000-04:00

I have been having contractions since last week to only minor avail. If you were a reader back when I had Little G, than you know that I had some Braxton-hicks contractions but nothing crazy and finally had to be induced 4 days after his due date due to low fluids. The night before I was induced, I did have a few contractions and I ended up 2cm dilated by the time I went in.

Last Thursday, I had about an hour of contractions 10-12 minutes apart and the next day when I had my OB appointment, I was 1-2cm dilated. So in my head, I've been waiting for this baby to show up. I would love to go into labor naturally instead of being pushed like I was with Little G...but since I have never gone into labor naturally, I have no idea what is normal and what isn't.

Over the weekend, I could have sworn I was going to have a baby on Sunday...which clearly didn't happen. I was having contractions all day in 30 minute intervals and at night they ramped up to every 10 minutes, and then I went to bed and they stopped.

Yesterday, I barely had any.

This morning, I've had them every 30 minutes or so.

I decided to stop thinking about it...except that I can't. I mean, Little G is at daycare, I'm home and have minimal projects left on my to-do list that I continue to procrastinate over. And instead I'm just biding my time until baby decides to show up. Which is killing me. Ok...not killing me...but totally driving me nuts.

Anyway, figured I would write this up to keep you all posted if you were so inclined to care and to have it for my reference for when I eventually get to write down a birth story!! Hope that's soon!

We've been swindled.

2011-10-23T15:58:00.000-04:00

This is Swindler the Snail.

He is a toddler toy.

Currently, Little G is holding on tightly to him while napping in his big-boy bed. BIG BOY. Not toddler.

Meet Ollie the Owl.

This is the toy that we went to the store to pick out. It will be a gift from Little G to his sister when she is born.

Meet Adam the Airplane.

This is the less expensive and more developmentally appropriate toy my husband TRIED to convince Little G to get for himself since there was no way we were leaving with a toy for the new baby and not Little G.

Instead, Little G refused to give up Swindler the Snail, so I thought...why don't we get Adam the Airplane as well and then Adam can be the baby's gift to Little G when she finally shows up.

If you're paying attention, you'll realize that this means we left the store with three toys. An owl for Little G to give to his sister. An airplane for Little G's sister to give to him. And an orange wooden snail that was not on the list of items to purchase but is now being snuggled with so tightly Little G may never even care about Adam the Airplane. Or his little sister for that matter.

Damn Swindler!

I'm too sexy for my car

2011-10-21T11:33:00.002-04:00

Did you know I drive a muscle car?

(source)

Ok...not really. I mean...I AM currently driving one...but it is a rental.

You see, about a month ago, I was leaving the parking lot from my pre-natal massage appointment all relaxed and mellow and zen and ran right into another car. The damage wasn't too bad...I was going to a total of 2.5 MPH and the other car was parked, but still. Ouch.

Oh yeah...I am sooooo cool.

Since we had a little bit of time before the baby's due date, we decided it was a good idea to get the car fixed. So now, I have been the proud driver of a 2010 Silver Dodge Charger for the past two weeks. I have a few things to say.

I hate this car.

It was the biggest one available in my insurance company's this-is-what-we'll-cover-daily-rental-allotment, so I chose it over a dinky looking Chevy. But yeah...I hate this car.

The car is annoying for a bazillion reasons; it guzzles gas; the transmission is whacked; getting my 33 lb two year old into the carseat in the back through the 4" of space left between the seat and the car and NOT pulling a major muscle or going into labor is next to impossible.

But, my biggest grievance is that the windshield is ridiculously small. As in, I ride with the seat all the way back because I have crazy-long legs and the roof of the car comes so far forward that in order to see a traffic light while stopped in front of it I need to lean all the way forward and look up. Which would would be annoying if I wasn't pregnant, but is downright impossible at the moment.

The car is so oppressively confining that even Little G got in it for the first time and said excitedly, "We're in a tunnel!!"

My friend pointed out to me that I probably wouldn't have as much of an issue seeing the traffic lights if I drove the car in the proper muscle-car seat alignment...i.e. if I had the back of the seat reclined and drove with one hand like a low rider.

And I actually see her point as I have witnessed a few people driving their Dodge Chargers in such a manner. The problem is, and I hate to be a stickler on this, I would never. get. out. Like...never. As in, I would birth my child in the car just so I could get up.

However, it is sexy. And really, what could be better for my self esteem than crawling out of a muscle car 38 weeks pregnant with my hands on my back and my ass in the air.

Meeeee-ow!

Aaaaaand...I'm done.

2011-10-19T12:43:00.002-04:00

I know the last thing any of you want to read about it me complaining about this pregnancy...but oh. my. GOD. I'm dying.

Seriously.

I don't remember being THIS uncomfortable with Little G for this long. And I seem to be much more anxious about having another baby than I was about having the first...which makes sense...I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I'm actually pretty nonchalant about the whole birthing process. I went over my birth plan from Little G and pretty much laughed at how specific I was. (I guess now I can understand a LITTLE bit more why the doctors and nurses at my SIL's hospital roll their eyes whenever a 1st time mom comes in with a birth plan. Rumor is they have a pool on if mom's with birth plans will go C-section...but you didn't hear that here.) But yeah, while it would be nice to wear my own clothes and have a dimly lit room and have people talk in hushed voices and not have anyone yelling numbers at me...I'm pretty much ok with whatever may or may not go down.

Bringing baby home...now that's another story. I am totally freaked out. But...trying to remain calm. I mean, my biggest issue will be getting Little G out the door and to daycare with a newborn in the mix...on the weekends, my husband will be home and we'll be able to tag team.

But for now, I am trying very, very hard to live in the moment. It's just hard to live in the moment when the moment includes constipation, painful Braxton-hicks contractions, exhaustion, hunger, lack-of appetite, an excruciatingly painful pelvic issue whereby my pelvis is apparently ready to give birth and has completely let go of any control that might have allowed it to NOT feel like I was continually being kicked in the groin and the sense that a 5,000 lb baby is trying to exit out my very, VERY stretched belly button.

I have confidence...

2011-10-13T09:02:00.000-04:00

It is not a surprise to anyone who has read my blog in the past that my confidence level in myself as a mother can wax and wane like the tides of the ocean. Sometimes I feel really on top of things, and sometimes I feel like a complete and total failure.

A couple of months ago, I posted about a failure moment I had with my son on a private forum made up of various blog acquaintances I have who are all in the midst of the parenting game; whether it be already parenting or hoping to parent someday. Specifically, my post was about my reaction to Little G biting me, HARD, on the thigh. Enough to leave a pretty significant bruise. I got ragingly angry and I hit him on the belly to get him to release his teeth from my leg and proceeded to yell obscenities at him while dragging him up our stairs. It was, without a doubt, my worst parenting moment to date. I am not proud of my actions. I can not change what happened. I posted about the incident while still very angry and upset and looking for some sort of validation although, not validation that I was 'normal' (even though that's what I requested) but rather that I was truly the worst parent on the planet.

And then I got it. Someone responded to my post with admonition for my actions and recommendations for child abuse hot lines. For the first time, I got the validation I was seeking. Up until this commenter, I had only received supportive feedback that I wasn't alone; that while it wasn't my best parenting moment, it wasn't the end of the world; that there was a whole world of parents out there who really were doing a much worse job than me. I had been incapable of allowing myself to believe the supportive comments, even though they came from other mothers, my own mother and my sister. And then this one person agreed with me and managed to make me feel even worse than I could make myself feel.

Except something really strange happened. I have always said that I am my own worst critic and that I would NEVER judge anyone as harshly as I judge myself. So when someone else finally came along and judged me more harshly than I was judging myself, I realized something: I would never, ever allow someone to judge and/or treat me as harshly as I treat myself. Finally, I allowed myself to believe that the supporters were right. Finally, I gave myself permission to give myself a break.

It is funny to me that it took someone else judging me as harshly as I judge myself to find the confidence to say that no one can treat me that way. And if I won't allow someone else to treat me that way than I most certainly should not allow myself to treat me that way.

I am a good mother, I'm not just saying it this time, I believe it.

Yet another pre-school post

2011-10-11T20:20:00.001-04:00

Phew...my husband and I have just concluded our 6th of 8 pre-school visits and are thoroughly confused. While we know that Little G will thrive at any of the schools that we choose for him for next year, we are finding ourselves stuck as we consider his future. On the one hand, he's just over two, so we don't want to over-think it. On the other hand, we both see how important a good education is to advance in life and we want to provide the best that we can and that means starting early.

Here is what we DO know: We are definitely leaning towards NOT sending our kids through Boston Public Schools (BPS) for high school, if not starting as early as 7th grade.

With that in mind, here are the variables that we are facing as we consider pre-schools:

1) Montessori vs. traditional preschool - we visited our first Montessori school today and left with a few impressions. Mine was that I totally believe and can see that the kids who start with a Montessori background come out of it ahead of the curve...but what do they do when they get to 'regular school'...not necessarily how do they integrate, but how do they continue to stay motivated to STAY ahead of the curve? Also, what about the home environment? I am admittedly not as willing to do child-led activities in my own home because quite frankly, I'm a control freak. For example, we have a rice bucket, and I rarely let Little G use it because I don't feel like cleaning up the mess and he's not that great at cleaning it himself - as in he tries to clean it but really makes it worse and then gets mad if I try to help...yeah...so I'm sort of the anti-child-led learning at home parent and yet, I can totally see the benefits of child-led learning as long as someone else is doing it. Would this type of disconnect be detrimental to his thriving in a Montessori school environment?

2) An independent, 2 yr preschool feeding into BPS vs. a school that takes him through 6th grade and beyond - Like I said, we don't expect Little G to continue in BPS through High School for a variety of reasons. We haven't ruled out sending him to BPS for K-6th which means that a traditional preschool that lasts 2 years seems like it would work well for him to transition into kindergarten...conversely, there are some preschool options where the school extends to 6th grade that aren't Montessori (like the school we visited first or a local Christian school). If we're hoping to send him to private school after 6th grade, will he have a leg up from having attended a private school already up until that point? Will he be at a disadvantage coming from BPS up until that point?

Anyone have some any insight or advice since at this point we are just feeling completely overwhelmed!

Thanks in advance for your wisdom.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Coming soon

2011-10-08T14:21:00.003-04:00

As I round the corner on the last few weeks of my second pregnancy, I am getting increasingly more uncomfortable. Much more uncomfortable than I was with Little G. This is for a couple of reasons, one of which is that when I was pregnant with Little G I sat at a desk all day and had time to nap. These days, I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off!

This past week was Little G's first full week in daycare and he had a blast. One would think that would mean that I would have some time off for some R&R in these waning days...but instead, I have scheduled every last appointment on the planet between now and her due date. You name it: the retinal specialist to check out my detached retina and confirm I am ok to push; the dentist; hair cut; waxing; pre-natal massages; meetings with my doula; oil change for my car; another quick run to the dealer to get something on my car fixed; a week without my car to get the damage along the side fixed; seven different pre-school visits!! All in addition to the weekly OB appointments (this week I ended up having two so he could do a cervical check). Plus I have a few more items for some clients that I am trying to wrap up and I haven't even begun to start the changes in the nursery to transition it to 'her' room so she doesn't have her big brother's stuff all over her space! At this point, I'm seriously looking forward to our baby girl arriving if for no other reason than I will HAVE to stop!

I am moving much more slowly these days, so while I have only gained 10 lbs during this pregnancy up until this point (keep in mind, I gained 40 total with my first pregnancy), my lethargy means that I can no longer gorge on ice cream without seeing the results the next time I step on the scale at the Dr's office. But gorge is what I want to do...it is my comfort when I am stressed and I'm feeling a little bit stressed! I'm also surprisingly anxious. I'm not necessarily an anxious person, and I certainly didn't allow myself to get caught up in anxiety when I was getting ready to birth Little G...but for some reason, this time around, even though I've already done it once very successfully, I'm totally freaked out. I'm guessing it is because I know too much!

She's almost here, and I am trying so hard to hold on to this time in our lives when we are a family of three. I can barely remember just being a family of two, so I can imagine, that when we jump to four, I will quickly lose sight of what our lives were like as just the three of us. And I know that being a family of four will be totally awesome; but I also want to be careful not to wish this time away.

So I wait...and fill my time with a bazillion things to do.

But soon...soon.

She'll be here soon.

Playdoh Philosophy

2011-09-29T08:48:00.000-04:00

The other morning, my husband and I had our very first meeting with a preschool. Actually, it wasn't a preschool. It was an elementary school with a preschool. What that means is that you start your kid there as a preschooler and they matriculate through until they are in 6th grade when they prepare both you the parent and you the student to move into a private junior high setting and then onward to prep school and beyond.

(source)

Holy Lord, just writing that out is overwhelming.

We have an excellent situation with Little G. His current family daycare is curriculum based and he is thriving there. Starting on Monday, he will be attending full time. But, he will be three next summer, and we feel that it is important for him to start his education in a preschool environment which means, believe it or not, that we are in the full throes of preschool searching rightnowthissecondevenaswepreparetohavebabynumbertwo. You see, applications for most preschools are due in January, and visits are in October/November and uhh...yeah...did you realize that Monday is October already? EEP!!

Anyway, this first school that we looked at was beautiful. And we knew it would be. But it was hard to have this one be the first one we visited because the bar is set so high...kind of like trying on the Vera Wang dress first - hey, once a wedding blogger, always a wedding blogger, right? We have a list of about 6 schools we are interested in and they range across the board not only in curriculum philosophy, but in type. For instance, we haven't ruled out Little G attending Boston Public Schools until at least 7th grade, so some of the preschools we are looking into are just that...preschools, after-which he would matriculate into the Boston Public School system. But, there are also a couple of preschools that are part of a larger school process, like the one we visited today. And then there are also a couple of Montessori schools thrown in there as well.

It is so daunting to look at our son and be faced with the task of setting up the best educational system for him for the rest of his schooled years...when he's only 2!! I absolutely believe that from an educational standpoint, he will thrive in any of the preschool options that we have chosen to explore further...so after that, what sets each school apart? As far as I can tell, it is the hope of what Little G will continue to do in school with his preschool education as the foundation.

I look at myself and wonder if I had been given a better chance in school, would I have been more successful in life? This stems from a background of me having some focus issues that were never handled properly like they would be in today's school environments and my struggling with those issues all the way through college and into my professional life. Conversely, would my husband be as successful as he is now if he hadn't had his mom champion for him to be in a private school. The public school in their town tried to tell his mom that he was stupid, but she recognized that he had learning disabilities and fought until she found a private school that would work with him and his path in life was changed forever because of the education and support he received. Side note: how awesome is my husband's mom?!

We still have a long way to go in this process but I have faith that we will make a good decision for our son and for our family. However, in the meantime, if anyone knows of a post-school curriculum that focuses on sending your kid to preschool some day, let me know, because I'll sign right up for that..as long as I can paint on the easels and play with clay.

Home Stretch

2011-09-27T09:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my husband and Little G and I headed down to the bar at the end of our street to grab some wings and dinner. Yup. I had my baby in a bar. It was after the Pats had already lost and the Red Sox had lost game one against the Yankees, so the place was pretty quiet. They weren't even watching the second Red Sox game...that's how much faith they seemed to have in them. Instead, they had on a random game between the Packers and someone else.

During a commercial break, the commercial below started to play. It caught my attention right away when I saw the person suggest dear.sophie.lee as a new address for a Gmail account. I kept watching because I thought, 'well, Google is usually pretty clever, maybe this will be funny'. Fast forward a minute and a half and I was a sobbing, sniveling mess. Seriously. As in, they had to bring us more napkins because I couldn't stop crying.

Go ahead, watch at your own risk. For those at work, you can play this on mute and not miss anything but the seriously perfect instrumental music...you'll get the same point.

Ok...now go get a tissue and come back.

Yeah...so anyway, there I was in the middle of a bar with my husband and my toddler sobbing like a moron. My husband had missed it altogether, but isn't too surprised when I cry at something on TV. Little G kept looking at me like he was going to cry and saying in a pathetic little voice, "mommy crrrryyyying..." which just made me cry more.

When we got home, I downloaded the video and showed it to my husband and I cried all. over. again.

Ugh.

I think it is a combination of a bazillion things. Not the least of which is that I feel completely inadequate when it comes to recording things that have happened in my son's life. Sure, I have some blog posts and some pictures, but he doesn't even have a baby book. I don't even know what his first word was or when he spoke it. -- although, to my credit, I DO remember his first sentence which was, "I throw the fork mommy!", to which I remember thinking, "great sentence...please stop throwing forks". -- So I felt a bit guilty about that.

Of course, then there's the fact that even when I'm NOT pregnant, I'm prone to crying at dog food commercials. So with only 5-6 weeks to go, I'm even more hormonal and operating on less sleep than I'm used to so of COURSE I would cry at the notion of a father carefully sending all of the memorabilia of a child's life to that child via the many avenues that Google gives us to record our lives.

But in the end, I think what really struck me was this moment we are in right now. These last weeks we have as a family of three plus the kitty. Sure life is going to change and get harder and better and more awesome and more stressful all at once...and I am finding myself more and more prepared for that reality every day. But for these moments in the next few weeks, I want so badly to hold on to this family that I have now. This threesome. This team. I love my husband and my son and, yeah, the kitty, more than I can even bear to try to describe and the fact that we are in the home stretch of this pregnancy just waiting for the onslaught of change to wash over us is overwhelmingly exciting and frightening.

So yeah, I cried at a Google commercial in the middle of a bar. You know what? My husband and my son love me for it. And my daughter will too.

Makin' Me Ovah

2011-09-26T12:58:00.000-04:00

Back when I had time to watch TV, I was mildly addicted to What Not to Wear on TLC. I never really sought the show out, but since it was on all the time on the weekends, it was never difficult to surf to whenever I was looking for some sh*t TV to watch -- side note: my sister and I both refer to the TV programing you watch mindlessly on the weekends as sh*t TV which isn't really a reflection of the quality of the programming, but rather the state of your mind after watching hours upon hours of stuff that really doesn't add to your life but that once you start watching you can't stop. Other examples of sh*t TV include, but are not limited to, Real Housewives of Anywhere, any top 100 countdown from sexiest movies to craziest celebrity stunts and the last 15 minutes of every romantic comedy ever made -- thus I tended to watch a lot of it.

(source)

In a more weak moment in my life, I actually self nominated myself for the show recognizing that my closet was perfect for tearing apart and that I pretty much never step out of the house in anything other than jersey knit basics and maybe a pair of jeans (ill fitting ones, though).

Oddly enough, they never responded to my application.

So now we fast forward to the year 2011. My poor husband has heard me moan and complain so much about my lackluster wardrobe and my inability to find things that fit me well and my hesitation to ever pull the trigger on wardrobe items that cost more than $20, thus continuing the cycle of misshapen shirts and poorly fitting mom jeans, that he apparently decided to do something about it.

For mother's day and my birthday and now our anniversary, he has slowly been depositing money into a gift card for Stilista, a personal consulting and shopping boutique concept here in Boston. Basically, it can be anything from a short consultation to a full-on What Not to Wear experience complete with hair, makeup and the donation of everything in your closet deemed frumpy to a place where someone else can appreciate it.

Obviously, I can't actually participate in this experiment at the moment, what with my being 8 months pregnant and all...BUT, it certainly is something super-awesome to look forward to once I am removed from my yoga pants and maternity shirt restrictions. And since last time I had a baby, I didn't exit from yoga pant land until many months after giving birth, I'm also counting on this gift as some sweet motivation to get me back to pre-pre-baby weight: as in, the shape I was in before having even that first one! So really, even though I have yet to spend a dime of my cache, it already is the gift that keeps on giving!

So many thanks to my incredibly generous and thoughtful husband who took a risk that could have ended up with me in tears wondering if I would be able to hold on to a man who clearly thinks my style sucks as much as I think it does but instead has made me the happiest What Not to Wear contestant ever.

Project September - a new direction

2011-09-21T09:22:00.000-04:00

Well, I fell off my picture project bandwagon and now I'm feeling rather disappointed with myself. The problem is, I usually have an idea of what I want to take a picture of, but by the time I get around to taking a picture of it, I either don't have my camera or a phone nearby or I just don't feel like doing it because I know I won't have the time to upload it. That and I put WAY too much pressure on myself to take an artistic, beautiful picture when I that really isn't my skillset.

So...

Instead, I thought I would catch up on the few that I missed recently by using the photo prompts as blog prompts. Because, in the end, the purpose is to help me be a bit more creative in my thinking so who cares if its words vs. pictures, right?

Ok...here goes nothing...

9/10 - Today's Mood -- That Saturday was our annual block party and while I had visions of getting an amazing picture of my son bouncing around like a lunatic in the bouncy house to capture the joy of the day, the reality of the day was that I was having a bad day and was really in a bad mood. I didn't know any other way of taking a picture of my bad mood, so I ignored it and instead worked on trying to better my mood

9/11 - What inspires me -- Ah yes...herein lies my age old problem. I hate answering questions like this because I always get stuck thinking that my answer will be recorded until the end of time and I will never be able to say, 'shoot, that wasn't what inspires me...THIS inspires me...'. So I was frozen with indecision. Truly, what I should have done was take a screen shot of my Pinterest page, because that never fails to inspire me.

9/12 - Daily routine -- the 12th was a Monday and Monday's aren't a routine day at all. But one thing I DO do every morning, is check my email on my iPhone while still in bed.

9/13 - Today's news -- hmmm...not sure what the news was that Tuesday. In fact, I'm pretty sure I probably never even got a chance to see the news because Tuesdays are our busiest days and I'm usually out of the house with Little G all day

9/14 - The weather -- yeah...I don't remember that.

9/15 - Today's small pleasure -- Thursday's small pleasure is always going to bed knowing that the next day is a daycare day and I'll hopefully be able to get some work done

9/16 - In the bathroom -- A fun picture of Little G's bathtub frog would have been a great choice...especially against the pink tiled background.

9/17 - In the mirror -- We went to the Big E this day...my guess is I could have found a fun house mirror somewhere!

9/18 - What I wore today -- yoga pants...maternity shirt...sweater... it's what I wear every day these days

9/19 - Where I feel good -- pretty much the only thing that doesn't ache at this point in my pregnancy are my elbows...which leads to the question...can you take a picture of your own elbow?

9/20 - Tea time -- I don't drink tea...but I did pass a Tea-vana store in the Pru yesterday and I thought about how much I don't like tea

9/21 - Sunday morning -- My husband gets up with Little G on the weekends...so maybe I should have taken a picture of the rats nest of pillows I leave behind when I eventually DO get up for the day ;)

Alright...now that we're all caught up, maybe I WILL try to take at least one more picture over the course of this monthly challenge.

And tell me...am I the only person on the planet who can't even handle one month of daily fill-in-the-blank-ing?

Creeps

2011-09-20T14:02:00.001-04:00

Well today was a bust. Tuesdays are pick-up day from our farm share but I had to go all the way into Boston to pick up something from my printer. I had checked the weather and was expecting it to sprinkle...not pour. Little G and I walked into our village and made a deposit at the bank and then walked to the commuter rail to catch what he affectionately calls 'the Daddy Train'. We got into the city and I realized it was starting to rain but didn't think too much of it.

I had wanted to go to a local store and try out the rumble seat and the 'piggy back' which is a ride-on attachment that goes on the back of the stroller. Unfortunately, they didn't have the latter in stock and the former only goes to 35 lbs. Since Little G is already 32 lbs, that wouldn't have worked for us.

So we headed to the printers...but by that time it was raining really hard. So I tried to put the rain cover on the stroller and Little G had a MAJOR conniption fit over it. He screamed and thrashed in his stroller (another reason I'm glad to use the VISTA, which is a bigger stroller and strong enough to contain a thrashing 32lb toddler) until we got to the printers. The building the printer is in has apparently been bought and is being converted into condos so there is a lot of construction around. Today, there were picketers outside protesting one of the construction companies. And even though it was pouring out, and even though it is a tight squeeze to get the door when there ISN'T construction or picketers, and even though I am VISIBLY GINORMOUSLY PREGNANT, when I swallowed my I'll-do-it-myself pride and asked for help with the door, the picketer I asked said "No." and sheepishly gestured to his sign. Ass. Hole.

Once I finally struggled my way into the building I had to wait for the elevator for over 7 minutes, which seems like nothing unless you are right in the middle of a construction zone with a screaming, thrashing toddler. I finally was able to get the elevator into the basement and picked up my print job and made my way back up the elevator and through the tight, construction filled lobby and out the teeny door. As I was exiting, another construction worker was entering and he apparently was so adamant about getting past the picketers that he didn't realize I had a stroller behind me and tried to push his way past me but couldn't get very far because of my stroller so I ended up running him over as I was trying to exit.

But none of that even compares to what happened next. Because I had to go pick up our vegetables and it was still pouring, I decided to get on the bus that goes directly to the area in town where the stand is. It was going to be a longer trip, but it meant that we would have less to walk on the other end. I got on the bus and it wasn't air conditioned and it was hot and sticky and awful so I took my jacket off. But underneath it I was wearing the same maternity tank top I had in the last picture I took for you all of my belly. Not that risque, but form fitting. At the next stop, a man got on who was ruddy and hulking in appearance and reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. I tried not to make eye contact, but he sat down right next to me...as in there were a ton of empty seats and he sat down so he could be in close contact with me. There was no place for me to go because the stroller was blocking my way. He looked at me and said, 'when are you due'? I shortly answered, 'I have six more weeks' and continued to ignore him. And THEN he reached out his hand and looked like he was going to try to touch Little G on the leg but instead changed direction and got within inches of my stomach while mumbling, "may I?". I glared at him right in the eyes and said, "NO. YOU. MAY. NOT." He pulled his hand back, thankfully, and I continued to face the other direction while using the eyes in the back of my head to be super aware of whether he was going to try to lunge after me or Little G or something. Thankfully, he decided at the next stop to get up and move to the back of the bus and at some point he must have gotten off. But EW. EW. EW. EW. EW. What. a. creep.

The day did get marginally better. Little G whined and moaned and screamed and complained the entire 25 minute bus ride, but 1/2 way into the ride my husband texted to see if I had an umbrella and suggested he could come meet me somewhere to pick us up. I'm not sure he was expecting me to take him up on the offer, but I sooooooo did. So he met us at the veggie stand and we drove home.

Phew. I seem to be attracting the crazies lately. Gotta love city livin'!

Entitled?

2011-09-19T17:50:00.000-04:00

There have been a couple of incidents that have happened over this pregnancy that have really had my questioning the decency of human kind these days. And I have to say, it isn't because I feel entitled to any special treatment because I'm pregnant, but rather because I feel like I'm entitled to people not flat-out being rude to me. That said, both of these situations were pregnancy related, thus pregnancy driven.

The first occurred in mid-July just after the U2 concert in Philadelphia. My sister and I were headed back to our hotel on the subway and the trains weren't air conditioned and were packed tighter than the T after the Pops on 4th of July...which for the uninitiated is SCARY-packed.

A man and his fiance were sitting down already when we got on the train and I certainly have no expectations for people to get up for me, since they rarely do it anyway, so I stood in front of them with my sister while the train continued to fill up. The problem was that as it got more and more packed, I was getting more and more jostled and unable to find a place to hold onto so that I wouldn't fall over once the train started to move. The doors finally shut, and thankfully I'm tall, so I was able to put my hand on the ceiling to keep my balance. But with the overwhelming heat in the car combined with my being pregnant combined with with over crowding situation and my arm up above my head desperately trying to keep my balance, I was starting to get very dizzy. I didn't want to cause a situation and ask the man to move because I could only imagine he would wonder why I didn't need him to move earlier...and quite frankly, I was afraid he would say 'no'. But at this point, my belly was so far in the couple's face that they couldn't talk to each other. My sister, told me afterwards that I looked like I was going to faint at any moment. Eventually, a very long time later, we finally made it to our stop and out to the fresh air. And I just wish I had had the opportunity to say to the man, "next time, when you see someone who looks like they could use a seat more than you, consider giving it up to them". But instead I seethed. I seethe well.

Then, this past weekend, my friends and I went to the Big E, the state fair for the New England States held in Western Massachusetts. We had a great time and the day was lots of fun, but I would be lying if I said my body wasn't exhausted by the end of the day. Towards the end of the day, we headed into the Better Living Center to find something from a specific vendor that my friend wanted to purchase something from. There was a bit of a line, and my back was KILLING me and right across the exhibit space from where we were standing and waiting was an exhibit for Air Chairs...the kind that hang from ropes like a hammock, but are a bit more structured like a chair. My father actually used to sell these chairs himself, I know the chair well.

I lumbered over to the chairs and sat down in one of the models. A young salesman came up to me to tell me all about the chair and I told him, "I'm going to be honest, I'm not going to purchase a chair today, but it is very, VERY comfortable and I truly appreciate your letting me sit here". I sat there for a few minutes and one of our friends came up to me and chatted with me for a bit. I mentioned how comfortable the chair was and how I would TOTALLY buy one for our beach house...you know...some day...if we ever actually get to have a beach house. While I was sitting there, pretty much 70% of the people who walked by the booth saw an extremely pregnant woman lounging in a chair who was clearly comfortable because of the blissed out look on her face. 100% of those people who noticed I was there, smiled at me.

Then, another salesman, in his 40's-50's, walked up to me and said very curtly, "So are you buying a chair or not?" I started to answer him by saying, "I know, I'm in one of your chairs and I'm not buying one, but I truly appreciate the chance as a very pregnant woman to sit here...it is very comfortable". He cut me off half way, and snarled, "you need to leave now". I was pretty much in shock. I mean...I get it...they need to sell chairs and it is the fair and people probably try to sit in them all day who aren't planning on buying them. My dad used to deal with that all the time. But you know what...my dad would have recognized that I was the PERFECT MODEL for just how comfortable those chairs were. This man, instead, snarled, "I let you sit for 15 minutes" -- an out and out lie, by the way -- "you need to leave".

The funny thing is, on my way out of the fair, I told just as many people that I would have told about the comfortable chair about how rude the chair salesman was...so instead of being smart and using me for good publicity, he left a bad taste in my mouth and in the mouth of every person I have shared this story with. Again, my being pregnant has SOMETHING to do with the situation, but I'm upset because he was rude. And the thing is, I WOULD have bought an air chair some day in the future...maybe not from him, because who knows if I would ever find him again, but at some point I would have. And now, I can honestly say I will NEVER allow an air chair in my home or in the home of anyone I love.

Extreme? Sure. Pregnancy hormones? If you want to blame that, go ahead. But I don't tolerate rude vendors - pregnant or not.

So much dresser love!

2011-09-12T14:34:00.003-04:00

This is pretty much the closest I'll ever get to being famous, so please bear with me while I unashamedly brag...

As you know, I recently transformed a dresser by reverse stenciling a ship onto it. I featured all of the details over on Musings, the design blog for FLOR.

Then, because I'm a megalomaniac, I maaaaaay have sent a picture or two to John and Sherry over at Young House Love, who featured the dresser on their Momformation blog over at Babycenter.com

Which apparently caught the attention of Brooke at All Things Thrifty...

And a few other bloggers who have emailed me to ask permission to post about the dresser.

But probably the coolest thing about all of this attention was when I typed in Reverse Stencil Dresser to my source-for-all-things-inspiration, Pinterest...look what came back:

Wow. Just wow. I seriously don't think I've ever received so many compliments on something crafty that I've dreamed up, ever. Like, in my life combined.

Now, dear readers, I promise not to let it get to my head. I truly promise. Just as soon as I figure out how to collect some cash from you all.

I kid.

Have you ever had a project 'sweep' the internets?

Project September 9/9

2011-09-09T23:56:00.001-04:00

Made it in just under the wire...

Lucky Charm

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A few thoughts...

2011-09-09T09:00:00.000-04:00

I am not a mommy blogger. I neither write grotesque stories relying on shock value about the horrors of raising children - nor do I write unattainable accounts of bucolic child-rearing bliss. Mostly, I write as an outlet for my own processing. If something isn't 'right' than I usually need to 'process' it and the best way for me to do that is by saying what ever it is out loud...or in this case, writing it on a post. I generally don't need help processing the good stuff, so a lot of the good stuff never makes it to this blog. But because of that, I seem to have potentially created a misnomer about my devotion to and love for my son not to mention how I feel about parenthood in general.
I don't think people with less than 50 kids should give unequivocal advice on child rearing...myself included. I only have a sample of one. Soon I will have a sample of two...and that still won't be enough for me to be enough of an expert on anything parenting...I might have a lot of insight based on MY experience with MY child...but I am not an expert and neither is anyone else. As they say with religion, if someone tells you they have all the answers, run away from them.
I finally figured out the other day just what was so vilifying to me as a non-breastfeeding parent. I was reading a parenting magazine and it had recently been breast feeding week so there was an article on the myths of breastfeeding. One of the myths was that you can't breastfeed if you are sick. Now, although I didn't get to breastfeed, even I know that if you are sick, you can and should still breastfeed. But the article didn't just say that...it talked about how no matter how sick you are, and even if you are on most medications, breastfeeding is STILL the best option for your baby...which I know is true, but still, what that says to me is that formula is NOT almost as good as breast milk...what that says to me is even if your breast milk is tainted with most drugs and even if you're sick as a dog, your breast milk is by far a bazillion times better for your child than that icky formula crap. It is THAT messaging that starts to eat away at one's confidence in the decisions they have made regarding nutrition for their child. Oh yeah...that and the writing RIGHT ON THE CAN OF FORMULA that reminds us that 'Breast is Best'.
I love ice cream. Last night I actually went out after dinner on a special trip just to get some. My very first pregnancy-ice-cream-run in 1.75 pregnancies.

That's all.

Project September 09/08

2011-09-08T22:02:00.000-04:00

In my plate

Come one, come all...

2011-09-08T09:45:00.000-04:00

My post on turning regular old Ikea curtains into custom drapes is up on FLOR today...I hope you'll stop by :)

Four years

2011-09-08T07:22:00.000-04:00

Happy anniversary, my love.

Project September

2011-09-07T20:57:00.001-04:00

In My Garden

It has rained now for three whole days with more on the way. Our garden is saturated.

Project September 9/6

2011-09-06T21:51:00.001-04:00

At 2PM

I'm pregnant. I was in the bathroom.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Project September 9/5

2011-09-05T21:10:00.001-04:00

On the TV

The TV was on for a bit while Little G was napping today...I actually only saw this snippet while passing through the room on my way upstairs to get some work done. My husband was watching tennis and most likely flipping back and forth to some baseball game. I'm pretty sure this was a spot for ESPN. I like that the glimpse of TV I got for the day is exactly what I captured.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Project September 09/04

2011-09-04T21:11:00.003-04:00

Today I love

The joy Little G expressed today while playing with his new sand and water table and the pride my husband has in designing and building it.

Guest posting over at What the Frock today!

2011-09-04T10:25:00.000-04:00

Hi all! I'm guest posting over at What the Frock today...It's my first ever guest post, so I hope you'll stop in and say 'hello'!

Just click on the picture to get started...

Project September 9/3

2011-09-03T22:29:00.001-04:00

The Indispensable

(photo of my husband reading in bed taken with my iPad at about 10:09pm)

I sort-of hate posting a picture of my husband for 'the indispensable'. In my mind, he doesn't qualify for indispensable. Indispensable, to me, is a THING that you could give up but you can't because you can't live without it. So even though I couldn't live without my husband, I can't really give him up either, so I don't think he qualifies. He is beyond indispensable.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Project September, cont'

2011-09-02T19:43:00.002-04:00

Just in the nick of time, I have my Day 2 entry for the 30 Days in September project...

From High Up

I spent most of my afternoon on the floor tearing strips of Lotka paper for an invitation project. At one point, I decided to stand up and took this picture.

Project September

2011-09-01T16:15:00.002-04:00

The other day while I was perusing Pinterest, I saw this fun list staring back at me. Basically, it is a list of potential photographs to take for each day in September.

I apparently don't have enough on my plate already, so I thought I would participate on my blog. And by 'participate' I mean, it is 4:00pm and I am JUST remembering to do this so for today I am coping out and posting an original self-portrait that you all see every time you come here to this ole' bloggity blog. And I have absolutely no intention of seeing this through the whole month...because I'm bad with commitment like that.

How's that for a ringing endorsement for myself? For those of you interested in the origins of this little project, you can read more about it over at Inspirations Scrap. For the rest of you...I present...

Portrait

After the excitement wears off...

2011-09-01T09:00:00.004-04:00

...what does one DO with a bushel full of grape tomatoes?

So I haven't taken a lot of pictures of the veggie garden we planted this year, but the tomatoes are no less plentiful than they were last year...they're just a bit smaller. I thought I would be one of those mommy bloggers and plant a vegetable garden with Little G. We would carefully place the seeds in each compostable container and water them with love and then the plant would grow big enough to put in the ground and someday when we had beautiful, plump, red grape tomatoes, we would cheerily pluck them off the vines and gobble them whole letting the juice dribble down our chins.

Yeah. That never happened. If I recall, Little G only wanted to dump the dirt out of the pots, wanted to pull the plants out while we were watering them, and so far has yet to eat even one tomato - although he has bitten into them and then promptly spit them out at me.

Sigh.

So, since my husband doesn't eat tomatoes either, I have been in charge of eating a HUGE amount of grape tomatoes every week.

The picture above is NOTHING compared to the harvest I pulled in just before the hurricane the other day. And desperate for something to do with the hundreds of little tomatoes, I decided to improvise. And BOY did that work out great!! Of course, since I was improvising, I took no pictures, so you'll have to forgive me for yanking these pictures from other sources to help with the story of the world's-most-awesome tomato sauce!!

Basically, I washed the tomatoes, tossed the bad ones, and sliced each of them in half, lengthwise. I placed them all on a rimmed baking sheet and sliced up some onions very thinly and placed them on top of the tomatoes. Then I drizzled all of it with olive oil and sprinkled it with salt and pepper.

(source)

I roasted the tomatoes for an hour at 300 degrees and they came out all shriveled and concentrated and yummy. THEN I put all of it in the food processor with some fresh basil leaves and processed those suckers into quite possibly the most amazing tomato sauce I have ever produced. It was a bit thick...slightly less thick than hummus, but still...so intense in flavor I could have eaten it with a spoon.

Instead, I decided to continue improvising and sliced up some eggplant (since I hate eggplant and never know what to do with it, I figured it wouldn't hurt to sacrifice it for this recipe) and threw it on a baking sheet with olive oil and salt and pepper and roasted that for 2o minutes at 400 degrees.

(source)

When it was all done, I layered the sauce and the eggplant with some mozzarella cheese and some parmigiana cheese in a small baking dish and then tossed that in the oven at 400 degrees for twenty minutes.

(source)

The resulting dish was nothing less than FREAKING FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! It was a bit soft...as in, not too much bite, but the taste, OMG the taste! I can not believe for the life of me that I made something so darn yummy from all those darn tomatoes! AND...ha HA...guess who scarfed down my tomato sauce like there was no tomorrow?

Oh yeah...Little G. How ya' like THEM tomatoes, huh??

Have you ever stumbled your way into an awesome-sauce sauce?

Jersey Shore

2011-08-31T09:28:00.000-04:00

As previously noted, we headed back to the Jersey Shore this year for a week. It is a vacation that I long for even the moment I step back off the island.

I grew up a mile from the ocean on a peninsula between two rivers. Our childhood summers revolved around going to the beach and biking or walking to get ice cream. My favorite childhood memory is of my dad coming after work to join us at the beach. By that time, most of the people had gone home for the day. The sun was getting lower in the sky and it would cool off enough to warrant a long sleeved t-shirt. My dad drove a delivery van for a sausage company in those days and would bring Kielbasa with him which we would proceed to BBQ, hibachi style, right there on the beach.

The smell of the charcoal, the memory of the salt in our hair and the sand on our skin. It makes me want to be at the beach at any chance I can get. Fortunately, my sister feels the same way, so we now make it a goal to go to the beach for a week every summer so our kids can get a taste of the summers we had growing up.

This year, we headed to the beach with my mom, my sister and her son, Cousin W, and our good friend, Songbird, and her daughter, L and we stayed further North up the island. It is more residential the further North you get, and less crowded...but it isn't as easy to bike around as some of the places on the Southern end of the island. But the beach is wiiiiiiiide and beautiful and uncrowded. The other benefit, was that our beach house was 'ocean side' and only four houses away from the walkway over the dunes, so it was easy to quickly go back to the house for forgotten items or lunch or the bathroom.

When we first got there on Sunday late afternoon, we headed out to the beach to take a look. The waves were CRAZY!! Apparently there was a hurricane WAY off shore and it was making super crazy waves. The break was right on the beach and since it was high tide, they were crashing into a mini-cliff of sand and then retreating and crashing again. Little G got really scared and wanted to leave the beach immediately. That was a bit disappointing for us since we knew he liked the beach so much the year prior.

The next morning, we headed out when the tide was lower and even though Little G still wanted nothing to do with being near the waves, he did let my husband carry him along the shore line.

(A great shot of just how wide the beach was. I can only hope that after this week's hurricane that the dunes did what they are designed for and protected this amazingly beautiful place)

For most of the first two days we were there, Little G played up on the sand with a bucket of water and only rarely ventured near the water.

A couple of days into our trip, we took this great picture of Little G and his Cousin W in their super-cute matching swim suits and rash guards that my mom had gotten for them. I'm such a sucker for kids in matching clothes!

Later that afternoon there was a BIG discovery! A CRICKET!! Rather, a locust...hundreds of them! The night before, there had been a big thunderstorm and from what we have heard, the locusts were lifted up from where they usually stay in the Pine Lands, and deposited on the beach. Little G and Cousin W had the time of their lives ~~torturing~~ playing with one particular locust. (Don't worry...they never hurt the locust...he was just probably very. tired. after playing with our boys for over an hour!)

After that excitement, we had dinner and then headed out to get ice cream.

I think Cousin W has a very appropriate shirt on considering the potential mess his double chocolate chocolate chip in a waffle cone was.

Sadly, Little G ate all of my husband's ice cream. Whoops.

I really love the picture of my mom, above, because you can see the joy in her eyes. It's true...I just don't think there IS anything more joyful than ice cream with your grandkids after a day at the beach!

When we got home it was time for a story and then time to get in our jammies.

This year, my mom brought a puzzle to the beach house and we spent most of the week working on it. We allllllmost finished it at the beach!

Another day at the beach we had an indoor lobster bake! My husband's aunt and uncle have a home at the Jersey Shore only about a mile from where we were staying, so we had his aunt over to share in the spoils with us. Before dinner, Songbird took some time to read a bit to Little G and Cousin W.

And here you can sort-of see the yummy dinner. Lobsters, steamers, red potatoes, kielbasa and corn-on-the-cob...YUM!!

By halfway through our trip, Little G was no longer afraid of the waves...in fact, he would stand on the sand just where the waves would barely reach and yell at the water, "Come on water!! COME ON!!!", begging it to come closer. It was beyond cute. And just like last year, he LOVED being held by daddy and lifted up as the waves came closer. Unlike last year, he weighs 30 lbs, so this was much harder on our backs!

We headed out on our last morning at the beach to take some pics of the boys together. But for a little bit of reference...here's a pic of the two of them from last summer...

...compared with a picture from this summer. I can't believe how much they've BOTH grown!!

We even got a rare picture of the three of us together thanks to my sister's willingness to take control of the camera :)

Everyone had a great time body surfing...

...and playing in the sand...
...before it was time to pack our things and go home.

Funny story about packing up our things. The night before our last day at the beach, there had been another HUGE thunderstorm. It had, once again, deposited some locusts on the beach...except that this time there were THOUSANDS of them. Everywhere. They jump on you, and then stick to you with their little grippy legs...and then they don't go away when you flick them. I'm ok with a few locusts...but I don't like swarms of anything, not to mention swarms of things that don't go away when you swat at them. Ick.

To make matters even worse, the last day we were at the beach, the wind had shifted from the land which means one thing. Flies. Lots of them. So there were flies and locusts. AND...the water got warmer which meant jellyfish! Flies. Locusts. Jellyfish...it was finally time to acquiesce and just go. But we decided to come out and get our wind-shelter after we had dinner. Apparently it was a good thing that I let Songbird and my sister go out there, because by that time, our little shelter was cooooooooovered in locusts. Ew. It took quite a bit of shaking and running and shaking some more to get them all off tent and even then I think we must have brought a few home with us.

Of course, all of this happened on our very last afternoon of what had been an amazing week at the beach. But it was pretty funny how quickly the conditions at the beach changed. I can only imagine what we would have thought had that been our FIRST day at the beach!

Anyway...for any of you who have made yourself all the way down to the end of this post, I leave you with a short video of Little G and my husband on our last morning at the beach...clearly, Little G had gotten over his fear of the waves at this point!

Shit.

2011-08-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

So we've been a gDiaper household since Little G was about 8 days old. We have loved using gDiapers and I have long been an advocate for them. You can read my many thoughts on gDiapers by clicking on the gMum tag over on the right-hand-side of my blog.

But...things are changing around here.

Namely, Little G was accepted to his daycare in a full time slot. Starting at the beginning of October, he will be going to daycare five days a week....correction...we'll be paying for five days a week...but I most likely will only send him 3-4 days a week depending on my work load and other activities that we have planned.

His daycare is amazing. It is an in-home daycare, but it is run by an amazing woman who has years of background in child development and pre-school settings. They follow a curriculum, they make their own meals, they garden and compost and do crafts and learn letters and make great friends. Little G has thrived there from day 1, and although I will miss having him around, I 100% feel that this place is the best place for him to be in preparation for pre-school.

But.

Today they let me know that along with the new contract, they are no longer going to be working with our gDiaper system. Apparently, when Little G is at daycare, he poops multiple times...and it is just as messy every. single. time.

While the gDiaper system is created so that you flush poopy diapers down the toilet, and while I gave them a tutorial on how to do it, the building itself is owned by the owner's family, specifically her mother, and they refuse to flush the inserts down the toilet for fear of their septic system.

As an advocate for gDiapers, it breaks my heart that I am unable to show them that while our home and system are even older than theirs, we have never had a problem with flushing the inserts.

I spoke with the director of the program for a loooooong time on Friday and it turns out that since Little G was pooping multiple times a day, they were washing out his liners and putting them in the sun to dry so they could use them again. Had I ever known this was happening, I would have sent along more diapers so they wouldn't have to do that! Little G's poop schedule at home is once a day...tops. I had absolutely no idea he went so much at daycare!

So on top of cleaning out his liners everyday instead of just packing them up for us to deal with, they have also been dealing with the fact that since Little G is an older toddler, his poop stinks up the high hell. THIS I know...I have experienced it. But since we flush the poop, we never have an issue. But since they just toss the insert like a regular diaper, it apparently stinks up the place enough that another parent COMMENTED on it and then ran out of the building!! EEP!!

The good news is that Little G is on the verge of potty training and so it isn't like we are going to ruin the planet with a few months worth of plastic diapers. But I will say, it was quite a shock to go in there and have them tell me that I couldn't use the diapers anymore. I mean, this is one of the very first parenting decisions we researched and made a decision on way back before Little G was ever born...so to have gone successfully for two years and NOW have to change, it breaks my heart a little bit.

But we will most certainly do whatever the daycare needs us to do and will start providing disposable diapers for Little G. I just wish there was a way to go back and change a few things:

1) if I knew that they were washing out liners, I would have provided more

2) if I knew they were so afraid of flushing the inserts, I would have been more proactive about showing them how the system works

3) if I knew that I wasn't going to be able to use the diapers all the way through potty training, I might have gone a different direction all together

In the end, it isn't the end of the world. But I do feel a little shitty over the whole thing.

Evidence

2011-08-29T08:51:00.001-04:00

I haven't taken nearly as many belly shots with this baby as I did last time I was pregnant. The funny thing is, I'm a second child, so I always promised my unknown second child that I would make sure not to ignore them or treat them differently than the first child. And now that I'm having a second child I'm wondering if I'm ever going to have my act together enough to even bring the camera with me to the hospital, not to even mention do a photo project with pictures from every week of the baby's first year.

Of course, maternity seems more about me, the mom, than it does the kid inside me...which is why I haven't gotten too mad at myself for not recording the process as much as I did the first time...I mean, I've already been through it once, so it's all sort-of old hat.

Anyway, all that said, I did take some pics the other day of my belly (and my new hair cut) and figured I'd post them here as evidence that I am actually pregnant with baby number 2...

These were taken at 30 weeks. For your reference...here's what I looked like last time at 32 weeks: Belly Shot.

Oh...and for anyone who is wondering what the view of my stomach is in the evenings after Little G goes to bed...here's a little video for you:

Yeah...she's active, that one.

More ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-08-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

So you see that picture of me over there ----------------------------->

Yeah...here's a confession...I haven't looked like that for over two and a half years. In fact, for over a year now, I've worn my hair in a pony tail.

So...I decided to do something about it.

I now present to you my totally short hair cut as represented in an awful photo taken with my cell phone that is most likely going to be the only photo ever taken of my new hair since now that I've washed it it won't ever be as smooth and shiny as that first day:

It was quite shocking to wash my hair and feel NOTHING in the back...especially after practically fainting in the shower from how heavy my hair USED to be to wash.

And I'm well aware that a shorter haircut requires way. more. maintenance. and we're about to introduce even more crazy into our house in about two months...but I can honestly tell you that I will NOT leave the house with crazy pants hair. I. Will. Not. So it is either take-the-time-to-do-it or put it in a ponytail. The latter of which is clearly not an option.

So, here's to drastic changes and commitments to not leaving the house looking like a schlub!!

PS - you can read about the FIRST time I made this drastic decision on this old post: Changes

More Big-Boy Bedroom upgrades

2011-08-25T16:24:00.001-04:00

Things have been moving right along with Little G's big-boy bedroom. He's actually been sleeping in his big-boy bed for almost three weeks now. He was fascinated with the room from the moment we slapped the dark-blue tinted primer on top of the light green walls. Ever since then, he's been begging to hang out in the big-boy room...so once his bed and the room darkening shades arrived, we decided to try it out and he hasn't been back to the crib since.

Side note - it is moments like these that flick past you in an instant and all of the sudden your little baby is sleeping in a big-boy bed and you barely can grasp the fact that he's a walking, talking chatterbox, let alone, an independent, grown boy. Sigh.

Anyway, the room still isn't completely done...but over the past week I DID combine some cheap Ikea curtains with some expensive Zgallerie curtains to make these awesome panels for his room:

More details will be available on the FLOR blog in the coming weeks...but I wanted to share it all with you first!

Have you ever 'hacked' store bought curtains?

Soon, She Will Be Here

2011-08-25T13:57:00.003-04:00

She's already been named. She was named before we ever knew she was a girl. She is very much a real child to me. And I'm scared.

Will I love her enough?

Will I love her as much as I love her brother?

Will she be strong-willed and brave and spirited?

Will she be my 'easy one'?

Will we survive the first year?

Will I experience the debilitating depression I felt with Little G?

Will I remember what to do?

Will I take enough pictures of her?

Will she hate me because of her hair?

Will she grow up believing us when we tell her how beautiful she is?

Will she escape the teenage years without too much torment and heartbreak?

Will she know how much we love her?

She's already named. The letters hang on the wall in her nursery. Hers. Little G moved out a couple of weeks ago into his big-boy room and never looked back. We have two months to go until she arrives, hopefully, but she is very much a part of our family already. She dances in my belly at dinner time. She kicks where her big brother kisses me. She rolls around while I sleep. She reacts to the sound of my husband's voice. She's growing in leaps and bounds.

Soon, she will be here.

Reverse Stencil Dresser Details!

2011-08-18T15:15:00.002-04:00

Hey all...my post all about the details of reverse stenciling the dresser for Little G's room is up on FLOR today. You can see it here.

I hope you'll take a moment to click over and see the post since I took care to document the entire process.

Thanks again for all of your support!

Coasting anon

My beef with Mary...yeah...THAT Mary.

2011-08-17T09:09:00.002-04:00

Mary, mother of Jesus, is referenced often in one of the mommy groups I attend. The group meets at a local church and it is actually a 'mommy' group in that there is childcare for the kids and the mom's get to meet together and actually have time to talk without the distractions that a ton of kids bring into the equation. Mary comes up a lot because there is a lot we don't know about Jesus' childhood but we all figure, at some point, he HAD to be two.

Of course, another topic that comes up just as frequently is that Jesus is the only human to have never sinned. So maybe he wasn't such a difficult two year old. Maybe he just sat around with his hands in his lap looking reverent. If this is the case, than I am a bit embarrassed to say this, but I don't think I would be friends with Mary in a mommy group.

It isn't that there is anything wrong with having an easy time raising your children...it's just that I can't relate...and I don't believe it, either. Ok...so Jesus I could believe. But I still wouldn't relate.

The thing is, I should know better than to react that way. I had an amazingly quick, pretty easy, beautiful birth of my son and he was ten pounds, five ounces. He was a hoooooooorrrrrrible napper for the first seven months of his life, but he slept through the night (waking up once for a bottle in the very early morning and then going back down until seven) when he was only six weeks old. Yeah. Let's just say I kept THOSE facts to myself when I was sharing with my various mommy groups filled with tired mommies who had been up all night who were still recovering from harrowing birth experiences.

It reminds me specifically of a segment from my all-time favorite new-mom book, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year, by Anne Lamotte. I actually shared this same snippet from her book way back when I was pregnant with Little G.

January 30

It’s great to have so many friends who had babies right around the time I did – even if it did make me bitter and resentful that they also got to have husbands and nurseries – because they all have extremely bad attitudes and sick senses of humor like me. It would be intolerable to call a friend, a new mother, when you were really feeling down and for her to say some weird aggressive shit like “Little Phil slept through the night yesterday, isn’t that marvelous since he’s only eight weeks old, and guess what, I’m already fitting back into my prepregnancy clothes.” You’d really have no choice but to hope for disaster to rain down on such a person.

So...call me pessimistic. Call me rude. But if Jesus was perfect and never sinned, and Mary never had to deal with the antics of a two year old - let alone the antics MY two year old tosses in my direction - than I don't think I could be friends with Mary in that mommy group.

You?

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-08-11T11:18:00.004-04:00

As you may have noticed (or not if you read your blogs via a reader like I usually do) I've made some layout changes on my blog.

I was recently accepted to the BlogHer network and one of the stipulations is that the advertising bar on the right of my blog has to be 'above the fold'. So, in order to accommodate that, but still have my profile picture up at the top, I went with a three column layout.

I've also updated my comments section to Disqus, which should allow commenters to respond to individual comments and track when someone has responded to them.

I'm pretty non-technologically adept, so let me know if anything is showing up weird for you. Also...does anyone know how to get the text of my profile so that it is to the right of my photo, rather than underneath it?

Thanks so much!

Coasting anon

**update - I sort-of fixed the profile pic/text issue...but only by doing a work around. I would still rather have all of it in one 'widget' so that the distracting separation line doesn't go through my profile as well.

Reverse Stencil Dresser SUCCESS!!!

2011-08-09T14:14:00.003-04:00

We hoo eeeeyyyyyy!!!!

Over the past two days I've been working hard transforming this dresser...

..into THIS dresser!!
All the deets along with a step-by-step tutorial will be posted on the FLOR blog in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I'm going to go pat my back a bit and pin my own picture on Pinterest...because I have no shame.

_____

** UPDATE** All of the details on how to do this are now on Musings, the design blog for FLOR. You can access it HERE.

Home stretch

2011-08-05T14:11:00.003-04:00

It has been a long two weeks. Satisfying and fun and exhausting, but looooong. Of course, that's how I feel about the whole summer so far. It feels like we were in Portugal about 10 years ago...

Since then, we've been up to the Adirondack's for Fourth of July...

We've celebrated Little G's second birthday...

We spent a glorious week at the Jersey Shore...

And now Little G and I have been in Pennsylvania with my mom and sister for a week. In between and amidst all of that was a rush to get three large invitation orders out the door utilizing the twice daily breaks I get from Little G by way of daycare.

This evening, we will fly home and theoretically, August will be much more laid back...except for the big boy room that we're mid-way through fixing up, the small changes we'll be making to the nursery, the brunches I'm hosting at our house, the exhaustive search for a pre-school option that is going to have to happen since come October 1 we are out of a daycare option, the business trips my husband will be taking and the 'relaxing' we will (hopefully) be doing at the neighbor's pool!

I say all of this because before we know it September will be here and after that is October and then we're HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

EEP!!

I'm trying so hard to hold onto these last days I have with my family of three before we head down the treacherous, yet ultimately worth-it path of newborn/infant-hood. But summers in New England go fast anyway, and now that I'm a parental unit in charge, I'm finding the summer to be even faster.

I remember when I was pregnant with Little G and in March, when it was as cold, blustery and dreary as could be people would ask me my due date. When I would tell them, July 3, they would shrug and say 'Oh, you have LOTS of time', while inside I was thinking, 'Shit. That's only two and a half months away...I don't think these people actually realize how close July IS!'

That's sort-of how I feel about my November 5 due date. Here we are in the dog-days of summer and while I seem to be acutely aware of the fact that November 5 is very, VERY soon...most people think I'm nuts since it is hard to think of gray, cold November when your toes are embedded in the warm sand at the beach.

If you are still unclear...November 5 is three months from today. Written like that, it seems like forever...but I know that I will blink and the summer will be over and then before I know it, the days will be shorter and the nights will come before dinner time and it will be time to have a baby girl.

So hold on to your summer, peeps, because it's gonna be a fast ride into November.

Where've you been?

2011-08-01T16:38:00.003-04:00

We've been away...couldn't you tell from the lack of posting? Things got really hectic right before our vacation and then they continued to be stressful WHILE we were on vacation...which didn't really make for a great vacation...but we still had a great time and I'm looking forward to sharing some of the pictures with you plus stories that may or may not include the following topics:

giant, 300 lbs seals
plagues of locusts
lobster bakes
jelly fish torturing
fly infestations
spider bites

Jeesh...all but one of those don't make the shore sound all that great.

Anyway...for the moment, I'm holed up at my sister's/mom's house in Central PA until Friday (don't you worry all you potential home invaders out there...my husband is home this week) and I have to write some posts for FLOR while simultaneously helping my family clean out a very. full. basement. and taking care of an active toddler without the help of day care or other fun activities to keep him occupied (although he will be going to 'camp' for three hours every morning at my sister's church).

Anyway, until I get my act together, enjoy these teaser pics of the beach...

Frat House Boys

2011-07-22T08:31:00.003-04:00

I live in a residential neighborhood in the city. It actually COULD feel quite suburban, were it not for the close proximity to the center of the city, the extraordinarily diverse community, and the prevalent bus, subway and commuter rail options right outside my door.

Our street is pretty quiet, but there are certain things that go on here that are usually only experienced in the city. For instance, it is not a terribly uncommon occurrence for there to be small crimes on our street. Since living here, a handful of car windows have been smashed in, two bikes have been stolen DURING a block party and one grandmother was mugged walking back from voting in a special election. Still, I feel relatively safe here and we would never dream of leaving our home which has such great city amenities like instant access to buses, trains, Children's Museums, art exhibits, big-tall buildings, shopping, great food, airports, etc.

Phew.

All that said, there is a neighbor in particular that is a thorn in my side. I really need to let it go, ESPECIALLY since he's a renter, but he is without a doubt the most inconsiderate person in our neighborhood.

A little background for you, I live at the top of a one way street that ends at a very busy street that leads straight into our village and then into the city itself. When we first moved here, there weren't many people our age here. There were a lot of older people and a lot of families with kids already in high school. So when the house across the street from us was for sale, I was really excited about the prospect of a young family moving in. Instead, two recent college grads bought the house with help from their parents, chopped up all the rooms inside and rent it out on what seems to be a monthly basis to whomever decides they want to live there. We call it the Frat House.

One of the recent tenants went on a drug binge last summer and ended up so high and out of it that he tried to break down my other neighbor's door...with their American Flag and a remote he stole from someone else's home. He was arrested and given a retraining order, even though charges were never pressed, and from that moment on, was actually not-that-bad a neighbor.

But his friend is just flat. out. dumb.

This guy's car window was smashed last year so he pushed the glass over to our sidewalk and left it there for my son to find and my husband to clean up.

Over the winter, when we had cumulatively more snow than we've ever had before, he would clear off his car INTO our shoveled sidwalk. And leave it there. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! As in, I was in the process of shoveling the walk - and it is a corner lot, so there is A LOT of walk - and he blatantly shoveled the snow from his car into a mound in the middle of the sidewalk. And when I asked him about it, he mumbled that he would take care of it and then in the blink of an eye he was in his house and refused to answer the door when I knocked on it.

Classy.

His other trick is to rev the engine of his motorcycle at ridiculous levels at all hours of the day and then go FLYING out of the driveway and down our street. Then, oddly (and I know this because you can HEAR it) he just drives back up the street over from us and back into his driveway. He does this at least 5 times an afternoon. When I approached him very nicely about slowing down on our residential street, since now there are LOTS of families with young kids, and perhaps revving his engine once he got on the main road, he mumbled an 'ok' at me and then nothing ever changed.

But that is nothing, NOTHING, compared to the latest.

Because the frat house has so many tenants and they all seem to have more than one car as well as girlfriends with cars, parking has become strained on our street. There is a law in our city that prohibits people from parking right up on the corner of the streets so that the emergency vehicles, trash trucks, snow plows, etc. can get by. But with so many cars on our street, the frat house boys have been parking up at the corners for years.

Last week, I noticed a funny little green mark on our sidewalks and wondered what it was. Then, on Wednesday, I found out as the public works department started jack hammering the sidewalk to install 'No Parking to Corner' signs. Since we're on the corner, we got to hear the jack hammer for almost 90 minutes and Little G was none too pleased.

Later that evening, after the signs had been installed and everyone had started arriving home from work. I had just looked out the window to see our awesome neighbor carrying one of the signs down the street and TOSSING IT into another neighbor's yard!

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME???

I was livid. LIVID. My first thought was great, now I have to listen to them jackhammer this crap again. My second thought was the realization that our sidewalk was totally messed up from where they took the sign out. Lastly, I thought about how regardless of taking the sign down, you DON'T THROW IT IN A NEIGHBOR'S YARD!!!

So I did something that felt really good at the time, but quickly felt awful. I went outside and yelled bloody murder at him. I went racing out of my house shouting, "Are you a FUCKING MORON?!" He just looked at me dumbly while his blonde girlfriend stared at me smoking a cigarette.

I said, 'I saw you take the sign' and he cut me off and said, 'it was already down, what was I supposed to do, run over the shrapnel and leave it there?"

People, that's a lie. He was already parked across the street at the time.

So I turned to him and said, "I don't give a shit how it came down, you don't throw it in your neighbor's yard".

And then I turned to his girlfriend and said, "you need to leave this asshole. He's a fucking moron. Last winter, when I was pregnant, he was throwing snow off his car into my cleared sidewalks while I was shoveling it. He's an real class act. YOU could do a LOT better."

I turned to leave and she just yelled at me that clearly I wasn't very nice either.

And that was that.

Except I seethed for hours.

And then I felt bad.

And then I needed to tell my confrontation avoiding husband what his hot-headed wife had done.

And then we decided that I needed to apologize so that next time the kid doesn't throw the sign in our yard.

So that's what I ended up doing. Yesterday, I saw him come home from work and stepped outside and walked up to their front door and miraculously he answered and I apologized. I told him that I had had an incredibly bad day (which was true) and that watching him with the sign was the last straw and I just snapped and I shouldn't have handled the situation the way I did. And he condescendingly gestured to my belly and said that his sister is pregnant too so he understands my getting all worked up. (jerk)

And it pisses. me. off. Because he didn't apologize for one. darn. thing.

WHO RAISES THEIR CHILDREN THIS WAY?!?!?!

Of course, who raised me to go running out of my house screaming expletives at people?

Alright. That's enough for today. My blood pressure is up again just writing this.

I try to remind myself that it could always be worse. It could be a crack house or a whore house instead of a frat house. But still, I just don't think it is too much to ask for the RENTERS to be more considerate.

Do you a 'bad' neighbor?

More spoils

2011-07-20T14:19:00.000-04:00

I uploaded this photo from my phone and I am done trying to get it to show up in landscape mode so screw it.

Anyway....here's the take from the CSA box yesterday. Lots of yellow squash and zucchini. I think I'll make breaded zucchini coins with it and potentially shred and freeze some of it to use later.

There also green beans, blueberries, kale, a head of lettuce, some arugula, and new potatoes! I'm hoping to make the potatoes and the kale into something with some ground sausage this evening. Not sure about the lettuce. If it lasts until Sunday, I'll take it with us to the beach. If not, it may have to be a sacrifice. The arugula will be MINE for lunch tomorrow. MINE MINE MINE! (can you tell I love arugula?) And Little G and I can nosh on the green beans for snack for the rest of the week.

What's in your box this week?

Turning Two

2011-07-19T14:10:00.005-04:00

Little G turned 2 earlier this month...my how time flies! We had some friends over for a small birthday gathering...of course, once you add in everyone's kids there is no longer such thing as a small birthday gathering. Luckily it was a beautiful day, so there was plenty of space to hang out inside or out.

I had some favor bags for the kids with balloons and that was pretty much the extent of my decorating. As opposed to the craziness from last year!

Aunt M and Uncle E were excited to celebrate with us.

And Little G was excited to eat hot dogs!!

But even more excited to open presents!! Yeah...he didn't even hesitate...he knew exactly what to do.
The aftermath...
A super cool, flannel ball from C&R and M.
Aunt M and Uncle E got Little G this fun construction set with columns and arches...appropriate considering their penchant for archaeology.
The 'big' present this year was a scooter from mommy and daddy.

Gotta get that helmet on!

Weeeeeee...

Then it was time for cake! White cake with whipped cream and strawberries. YUM!!

Not long after the cake, it was time for people to go. As my husband and our friend B said goodbye in the front hallway I realized why I had been mistaking the two of them for each other all day...twins, right down the sunglasses perched on their heads and the specific shoe style!

Later that night, Grammy and Grampy read Little G a book before going to bed. It is still currently his number one favorite book.

I can't believe he's two. I certainly can't write down all the stuff he does...it is too much to even comprehend. The kid's been talking in sentences for months ever since his first one, "I threw the fork!". Which we were proud of...the sentence that is...not the fork throwing. Other milestones are jumping and walking down the stairs without holding on...which freaks me the heck out! Pretty soon he'll be moving into his big boy room. I haven't posted much about it here since most, if not all, of our home decor posts end up over at Musings but I will be sure to cover the process of moving from a crib to a bed and how we all cope with that.

Happy birthday, Little G. It's been a crazy ride! Thank you so much for all of the joy and boundless enthusiasm you have brought to our lives. We love you more and more every day.

This week's spoils

2011-07-14T08:18:00.003-04:00

This week was particularly rewarding since I didn't have to keep the cucumbers in my box. Nope! I just traded them in for more zucchini. Which can only mean one thing.

More zucchini bread for me!!

YAY!

Other items were:

Beets - I made a super yummy beet/beet green risotto as found on my Farm Share website last night and it was delish. My only issue with the dish was that I used long grain BROWN rice trying to be healthy and ended up stirring the pot for almost an hour. OUCH!
Yellow squash - I still have some from last week and hope to make a gratin and then I'll probably make these incredibly delicious coins from weelicious.com.
Kale - not sure what to do here. If it lasts until Friday night, I'll probably just blanch it and freeze it for later
Arugula - didn't make it more than an hour after getting home ::grinning sheepishly:: It's just so darn good!!! I enjoyed mine with some salt and pepper and a drizzle of olive oil topped with a bit of tuna salad.
Lettuce - used in a salad for dinner a couple of nights ago
Green beans - I been noshing on as snack
Fennel - headed for that gratin
BLUEBERRIES!!!! - OMG these are SO sweet and delicious. They didn't last more than a couple of hours in our house. Sigh.

What's in your box this week?

TWO!!

2011-07-08T08:05:00.004-04:00

Little G, you're two today.

I'm in such denial it is well beyond my capacity to grasp.

You have changed so much in one year and gone through so many phases, both challenging and rewarding.

Our love for you is unending and ever growing.

Thank you for being the light in our lives.

Mommy and Daddy

07/08/09

6/22/2010

7/3/11

7/4/11

Success!!

2011-07-07T16:21:00.003-04:00

So this is a lame-o post because I don't have any pictures to go with it and it's all about the success I had with my dinner adventure last night - which would REALLY benefit from pictures.

Instead, I was busy scarfing down my dinner.

Anyway, for my own records, I figured I would write down what I did. Especially since it totally killed two birds with one stone.

How, you say?

Well, in addition to our vegetable CSA, we also belong to a meat CSA. One of the things we get periodically is a ham steak and I never know what to do with it. At some point in the last year, I remember someone suggesting that they usually cook it and then chop it up and put it in other things - eggs, salads, bean dishes, etc. - and it is tasty and way more exciting than just eating a slab of ham.

So, last night, when faced with what-to-make-for-dinner, I decided to cook up TWO of those ham steaks. They broiled very easily for about 4 minutes on each side.

Then, I cut up and blanched my kale for four minutes.

While the kale was blanching, I thinly sliced four big shallots.

Then, I took a smidgen of the fat that had fallen from the ham steaks, poured it in my dutch oven and sauteed the shallots in it.

Lastly, I tossed in the blanched kale and the ham steaks, which I had chopped up into small pieces.

It was FANTASTIC!! My friend was totally right. Pork fat will cure anything! And now I am down two ham steaks and a bunch of kale.

Have you had any cooking successes recently?

My dirty little kale secret

2011-07-05T20:42:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make.

See this kale:

I threw it out.

See, we headed out of town last Thursday and I ran around like a crazy person that day trying to get everything in from packing to last minute groceries to getting the car filled up to a client meeting waaaaaaay over across the river in ::hush:: Davis Square to writing my posts that were due for FLOR. Needless to say, as I exhaustedly headed to the car to pick up my son from day care so we could leave immediately from there, I decided that rather than keep the kale out on the counter to disintegrate over the long weekend I would throw. it. out.

Yup. Week two and I already failed at my goal to not toss away anything from the farmshare this year.

Oh well, I'm over it...are you?

Good...because we got MORE KALE this week, so who really missed it anyway?

Other spoils include

two large zucchini's - I see zucchini bread in my future!!
two medium sized yellow squash - I'm thinking a gratin
Three cucumbers - Meh. Forgot how much they frustrate me. There isn't much you can do to dress them up, there's only so many pickles I can eat alone, and you can't put them away for later. They may be my biggest nemesis next to kale...oh...and eggplant.
Beets - YAY!!
Lettuce - already absconded with during tonight's dinner along with the...
Sugar peas
A small head of fennel - maybe I'll saute that with some onions and add it to my yellow squash gratin

Next week we apparently will be gifted with blueberries. YAY YAY YAY!!!!!

Less than perfect

2011-06-30T12:15:00.000-04:00

I'm on a lyric kick recently.

It is no secret that this past late winter and spring with Little G was very, VERY challenging for me. We were stuck inside most days and he was desperate to communicate and I was desperate to not have to entertain him constantly and I was exhausted and he was ornery and it was all a HUGE recipe for awfulness.

We have passed through that stage, finally, but for a while, I really thought I would be there for a long. long. time.

Then one day, I heard Pink's newest hit, Less Than Perfect. As I listened to the lyrics, it quickly became my warrior anthem. Bear with me, but when I listened to it, it sounded exactly like me...mistreating and doubting myself; failing at motherhood some days and picking myself up by the bootstraps and trying it again the next; second guessing myself at every turn.

And I could imagine that the chorus was what Little G would tell me if he could. He doesn't know any other mother, so to him, I AM perfect.

As Pink starts her newest chapter in her life with a new baby, I often think about how someday, no matter how many nannies she has, she is going to end up doubting herself as a mother. We all do. And I hope she can remember this song that has given me so much hope.

Pretty, Pretty Please by Pink

Made a wrong turn
once or twice.
Dug my way out,
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood!
Miss "No way,It's all good", it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated!
Look, I'm still around...

Pretty pretty please!
Don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than,
Less then Perfect
Pretty pretty please
If you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are Perfect to me!

You're so mean
When you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead
So complicated, look how happy you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred... such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Oh, pretty pretty please
Don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than
Less then Perfect
Pretty pretty please
If you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are Perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try,
But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty please!
Pretty pretty please,
Don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than
Less then perfect
Pretty pretty please
If you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are Perfect to me Yeaaahhh...!
You are Perfect, you're Perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are Perfect to me.

Cooking up the box

2011-06-29T08:48:00.002-04:00

Little G and I picked up our CSA yesterday. Here's a picture of all of our spoils.

From left to right: Snap peas, kale, beets, turnips, lettuce - and in the back, zucchini, summer squash and STRAWBERRIES!!

To be fair, the zucchini, summer squash and 1/2 of the strawberries were not in the box...I purchased them after the fact.

The first thing I thought as I was looking at all of this was "hmmm...maybe I just toss the beet greens THIS week". But I am proud to say, I didn't. Instead, I remembered my friend saying she makes all dark leafy veggies taste better by cooking them with pork so I decided to try my hand at that.

The best part of this recipe is that I was able to use my pot of boiling water twice - once to blanch the beet greens and again to cook my pasta.

So, first, I started a pot of water on the stove. Then I washed my beet greens in the sink with some salted water. The salt helps any critters to let go when the leaves are being washed so you don't miss one and end up sauteing an arachnid.

Once the water boiled, I blanched the greens for FOUR minutes. I really think the extra minute in the boiling water reeeeeeeaaallllly helped out my greens - instead of slightly rubbery, they were nice and soft. Very pleasant.

After the greens were done, I tossed them in a colander and rinsed them under cold water. Then I waited until the water came back to a boil and added my pasta.

In the meantime, I browned some sausage.

Once that was done browning, I drained it and poured the fat out of the pan. Then I used what little fat remained to saute some garlic.

I added the beet greens (that I chopped a bit to make them more bite sized) to the garlic.

Added the sausage back in.

Added in my pasta.

And Voila!! Yummy dinner!!

This dinner was super, SUPER, yummy. My friend was right...a little pork can fix any dark green. Maybe that's what I need to do with Kale Chips...hide them in a hot dog :)

Plans for the rest of the week include

- leftovers (since this dish ended up being enough for four adults) served with a salad with peas and radishes.

- copious amounts of strawberries on my morning cereal and just popped for the fun of it mid day

- some other main course with a side dish of sauteed zucchini and summer squash with onions
- And I think I will cook the beets and then blanch the kale and freeze them since we will be away for four days and it will be impractical to try to eat all of this before we leave.

How are you faring on your CSA boxes?

Birthday Weekend Fun

2011-06-27T08:44:00.004-04:00

(source)

Today's my 36th birthday.

We went out to dinner with friends on Saturday which was exactly what I wanted. Just something low-key and fun with fun people.

Afterwards, we came home and had my favorite birthday staple, Carvel Ice Cream cake. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Sadly, there aren't any Carvel's near us, so you have to settle for one from the grocery store. To me, that's like having to get your Krispy Kreme at the Mobil Gas station as opposed to being able to go into a store. But it was better than NO Carvel ice cream cake.

We had a hard time finding a babysitter since our go-to-neighborhood-babysitting-teenager is in Chile for a month. WHATEV'S!! Fortunately, one of our friends who came out to dinner with us had a friend visiting from out of town who was totally into babysitting for us, so we lucked out.

The funniest thing that happened over the weekend was that I ordered Pizza for the babysitter and Little G to have while we were out and my husband was supposed to pick it up. It was a 'Sardinia' from a local restaurant and it is covered in caramelized onions and is fan-FREAKING-tastic. But I failed to convey the order properly to my husband and he headed out to our normal pizza place to go pick it up. And strangely enough, when he said he was there to pick up a pizza for fill-in-last-name-here, the girl behind the counter said, 'ok' and handed him a pizza with onions on it so he left and brought it home. Of course the onions were raw, so I was annoyed at the restaurant for getting it wrong and was none the wiser until HOURS later when it came up that my husband had gone to the local pizza joint and not the local Italian restaurant to pick up the pizza.

Oops.

I did call the restaurant and apologize just to make sure we weren't going to be blacklisted or anything for stranding a pizza there and all is good. Phew. I know you were worried.

The other fun thing I did this weekend was traipse up to Beverly, MA to go look at and pick up a dresser I saw on Craigslist. Looks like this:

It is going to go in Little G's big-boy room once I'm all done making it more fun. The current plan is to do a reverse stencil on it of a big pirate ship so that the majority of the dresser is white, but the areas of the pirate ship show through with the wood grain. We'll see if I'm able to pull that off or not. In the meantime I need to figure out a way to make the drawers slide out a bit more easily since it IS going in a toddler's room.

Any ideas on how to make it easier to open? Or is that the big elephant in the room of all re-purposed furniture...you can make it look nice but functionally they all suck?

Kale kale kale-y kale kale

2011-06-24T08:18:00.006-04:00

Well, I'm back. I know...so many posts in one week...what's a casual reader to do?

As I mentioned yesterday, my goal this summer is to use everything in my CSA every week. This week was our first and it has been challenging because I picked up what equals a whole share even though we usually only get half.

Last night's challenge, was Kale.

Now, I should point out for all you mom-type people who are wondering who the heck has time to do all this shit, that Little G has been gifting me with some awesome afternoon naps of late; the product of a growth spurt and being outside and running around all morning which wasn't an option during the winter. So I have been taking advantage of nap time to get all this cooking prep done. Believe me, the last thing I want is for a reader to inwardly hate me because I seem to have it together enough to not only figure out what is for dinner but actually take pictures of the process. Because I would totally hate that person and inwardly seethe at their cheery how-to-cook-everything-and-have-a-perfect-life posts.

Moving on.

All. That. Kale.

I've tried kale chips before, and have never liked them yet every time summer rolls around I hear about how great kale chips are. "Even better than potato chips", is what my favorite kid food blogger over at Weelicious says...seriously. Go over there and watch her kid devour them like they're candy...perhaps that's what she paid him with if he pretended to like them.

Anyway, I dutifully followed the basic instructions that I have seen all over the interwebs.

Wash and trim off stems of kale, cut into bite sized pieces and salad-spin the heck out of 'em:

Lay pieces out on a lined baking sheet, not too cluttered so they don't just steam, and preheat oven to 375:

Spray with oil - canola, olive oil, sesame...whatever floats your boat:

Sprinkle liberally with salt:

And bake for 15 - 20 minutes, taking care not to let them burn. Here's what they look like out of the oven at 15 minutes. They were perfect. Not burnt. Not steamed. Cooked to perfection.

And they sucked.

NEVER AGAIN will I be fooled into making these because they are awful, awful, awful. Even if you aren't trying to fool your taste buds into thinking they are an unhealthy snack, they are STILL awful. Horridly bitter and while crunchy at first, they quickly regain their softness in your mouth until you are chewing on bitter nastiness for days just trying to get them down. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong...I just think that kale chips are the Emperor's New Clothes of the what-to-do-with-kale options. Ick. Ick. Ick.

I threw them out. But I still consider it a semi-success as far as not tossing stuff from my CSA because 1) I didn't let them rot on my counter and then get thrown away while I sat in indecision over what to do with them and 2) Even after that experiment, I still had all. this. kale:

So, I turned to one of my various favorite what-to-do-with-stuff-from-your-CSA cookbooks. This one is called Clean Food by Terry Walters and I picked it up one day on a whim from my local Whole Foods. It has been a great resource for vegetarian dishes.

I like that the book is laid out by season...which you can see by the color coded pages.

My one drawback with this book is that it uses a lot of items that I don't usually have on hand like special vinegars and seaweeds or flours, etc.

Anyway, there was a simple kale recipe in it that worked out really well for us. After washing the rest of the kale, trimming the stems and cutting it down into bite sized pieces, I blanched the kale in boiling water for three minutes...

...and then put it in an ice water bath to stop the cooking. A quick spin in the salad spinner and I was able to put it aside until it was time to make dinner much later that day.

When it was time to make dinner, I sliced up a bazillion shallots (it called for six, but I only had three large ones):

I caramelized the shallots in some olive oil with a sprinkle of kosher salt for 6 minutes on medium-high:

Then added a tablespoon of lemon juice (note - do not squeeze your lemon over the hot pan like I did and consequently burn the heck out of your hand from the steam):

After a minute, I added the kale that I had blanched earlier in the day and tossed it around for a couple of minutes until it was nice an hot:

Now THIS was delicious. Seriously. Nary a bitter bite in the bunch. My husband loved it. My toddler refused to eat it (but he also refused the left over pasta with meat bake that he usually devours, so who knows what his dealio was). I found the the texture to be a bit rubbery, but without the bitterness that kale is soooooooo fond of lending to dishes, I was just pleased that it tasted so yummy.

Perhaps the best part of this recipe is that I was able to blanch the kale ahead of time, which means that theoretically, I could blanch it and then freeze it and make this yummy side dish over the winter.

So the only thing left this week to cook up is the chard, but I'm actually looking forward to 'doing the usual' with it since we haven't had it since last summer.

Which means that week one was a SUCCESS (except for those damn kale chips).

Please tell me...have you made kale chips and actually liked them? Tell the truth now. Am I doing something wrong or is my palate just not up to the bitter, chewy challenge?