Thursday, September 25, 2008

To blog or not to blog

Exactly a year ago yesterday, I sat at our dining room table with my husband waiting for a phone call. We had just returned from our honeymoon in Italy; a wonderful 12 day experience that capped off the party of our lives preceded by months of careful planning.

A few days prior to the wedding, I had been called into a conference room at work and I remember sauntering down the hallway thinking how sweet it was that the people I worked with were throwing me a shower, or some other wedding related party.

Sadly, that wasn't the case. Instead, with my boss on the conference phone and the HR girl sitting across from me at the big oak table, I was given an 10 minute inquisition over my personal blog. A blog that I had kept completely anonymous for three years. A blog where I had discovered how much I loved to write. I was asked to pack my things for the day and leave and they would do their best to figure out what they were going to do with me.

The wedding came and went and it was amazing. No one could have taken that away from us. And we left and headed to Italy to eat fresh pasta dishes under privately-owned lemon groves, shuffle through the dust of Rome and get ourselves lost in the maze of Venice. On the last day of our honeymoon, we received notice that I was to stay at home on Monday and wait for a phone call at 8:30am from my boss.

So there I was, dressed up for luck in one of the sweaters that we had given to our bridal attendants as gifts, sitting at the dining room table with my new husband, waiting for the phone to ring.

It's been year since that day when I softly pressed the red button on the cordless phone, folded my arms on the table, lay my head down on them and sobbed. Sobbed for the job that I had loved; sobbed for the husband I thought I was disappointing; sobbed for the loss of newlywed innocence. A year of anger, hurt, tears, misunderstandings, disagreements, sadness. But also a year of new beginnings, challenges, loves, desires, and happiness.

I've been down this road before and it didn't end well. But here I am, ready to try again. Hoping to find what I was looking for in the first place: my voice.

I am a writer. I write what I know. I am funny. I am real. I am not always good. I am sometimes great.

I am a writer.
This is my blog.

30 comments:

  1. Hooray! AWESOME inaugural post. I actually have the chills.

    It must have been brutal, losing your job like that. What an absolute violation. I wonder if it's even legal?? But whatever, you are much better off now.

    Glad to be here for this launch, friend. =)

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  2. p.s. Are you on Technorati?

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  3. Oh you with your technical mumbo-jumbo and your jargon....guess I'll go check this out...know you it is all sorts of fabulous.

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  4. Fabulous first post! Can't wait for more girlfriend!

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  5. Hey girl! I think it's a piece of crap for that job to let you go over a stupid blog but you're so much more and I know you're going to do great at whatever you do. Best wishes on the new blog!

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  6. hey bloggy friends, Kai and Leslee. Thanks for translating my cryptic comment and stopping in. I haven't decided on whether to be anon or not (more on that coming up) but figured I still had more to say regardless.

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  7. Sweetie, welcome back! So happy to see you blogging again -- we the blogging community promise to take good care of you....

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  8. Puzzled,

    Amazing. My departure from unemployment was less dramatic (though I made a male cry!) but yours...my God. Dios Mio. I don't know what you wrote about in your original blog, but please develoop this one, because of my purely selfish reasons--I want to read more.

    You are now added to my links. :-) And mazel tof, buena suerte, and slainte to you. With every door that closes, a new one opens.

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  9. see...now I'm blushing. Thanks for the accolades. Of course, now I am afraid to follow this post up...perhaps I make this a once a year thing :)

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  10. That is so sad and also terrifying. As someone who doesn't blog anonymously, you're definitely making me think.

    I'm glad you're trying again!

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  11. Fabulous post. I am concerned that you lost your job over a blog. They should be sued!

    I am glad you are blogging again.

    Thank you for dropping by, if you had not I might not have found you. You are on my list for sure. I can't wait to see more.

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  12. Glad you stopped by, Jen and Leaca. Sorry I haven't posted anything else of worth yet. Hopefully I will get my writers mojo back soon.

    In the meantime, make yourself at home...their's fresh coffe in the pot and a casserole in the freezer.

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  13. Very interesting story. As a newlywed myself, I cannot imagine how terrible it would have been to be dealing with that garbage over your honeymoon. Do these people have souls???

    I am glad you found me...because now I found you ; )

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  14. I'm happy to have you back! Can't wait to read the rest.

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  15. Wow! what a story. It leaves me wanting to know more - like read your other blog. I stumbled upon your blog and loved it - then the comments left me wanting more. Keep posting!

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  16. we SOMEONE didn't tell me she started this again. I'm glad I finally have the chance to read it again.

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  17. Hey! Where'd my "welcome back/kick butt and take names" post go? :-(

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  18. @Jess- Maybe I will delve more into it someday, but at the moment I am a bit gunshy. I should point out that I never really wrote anything THAT scathing. Seriously. You can ask the people here...it truly wasn't bad and was CLEARLY hyperbolic.

    @cjcrash- I TOTALLY came by to tell you I was here...or I thought I did...sorry :)

    @kara- maybe someday when I figure out if I will do this anonymously or not I will kick butt and take names. Which will be good, because currently I am just sitting around wishing really bad thoughts on the few people who were involved with this...and that's just not a healthy place to be, ya know?

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  19. "I am a writer. I write what I know. I am funny. I am real. I am not always good. I am sometimes great."

    Best. Quote. Ever.

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  20. Somehow I ended up on your blog. And I'm so grateful that I did. Thank you.

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  21. Hi...just saw your ad for your blog on the carpet. But,m, first, and I admit I am just plain curious, why did you get laid off? What in the world would they be so upset about? Your blog looks great so far. I will bookmark it!! Take care. Roni

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  22. Hey roni and Susie q...thanks for stopping in. Glad you found me.

    roni...I basically wrote something that wasn't very nice about a co-worker that used hyperbole to insinuate what her internal monologue was while speaking with another co-worker. While it wasn't nice, it wasn't anything different or more harsh than what I would say in person to someone. For three years, my blog was completely anonymous; neither my name nor anyone else's name had ever been used. I had never named my company and no pictures of me had ever appeared on the blog. However, somehow, and I have my suspicions on how, the co-worker found out about my blog and then instead of going to HR, shared it with everyone on our floor. I worked for, as HR would explain it, a very conservative company, and they wouldn't tolerate such things, so I was fired...but not after making me wait through my entire wedding and honeymoon to find out their decision.

    I could name names and I could possibly even sue...but I have actually moved on (although, admittedly, it still hurts alot) and more importantly, my husband still works there and we would like him to keep his job. :)

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  23. wow... so powerful. I can't imagine being fired for self-expression. Writing is what sustains me...fulfills me..keeps me sane and helps me process. I am so glad you started blogging again and am excited to read along on all of your journeys.

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  24. found you because of your gDiapers post (a company I am proud to work for). your writing is amazing. you are amazing. thank you for opening up your world.

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  25. Hi Kelli!  Thanks for checking out the beginning.  

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  26. Just found your blog and wanted to tell you the same thing happened to me. Mine was completely anonymous, too. Keep on writing!

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  27. wow, this is an intense story! So glad you're blogging again, it seems to be going well! Every moment gets us to where we are meant to be. :)

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  28. Wow. This is an awesome story. I am just finding your blog and saw this linked on the side, and I wanted to thank you for sharing. I've dealt with finding my voice online (and still am). I am not a writer (far from it) but I do have to have an online presence. It's hard to balance that with a real life. I'm glad you got back online and have been doing so well since.

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