...and the doctor said she's retiring.
And I can either transfer to the other doctor in her practice or head out on my own. The problem with that first option being that the other doctor in her practice is totally hot. And funny.
So that's not going to work out for me.
She did however give me the names of two doctors that I could call to hopefully start to get some help. I haven't gotten up the courage to call them though. I did post on my local mom board hoping to find out what the protocol was for getting help and found out that I need more than just a therapist if I want to continue to take drugs to manage the darkness.
In other news, a friend of mine forwarded a recent Dooce post. We have a bit in common, that Dooce lady and I...what with the whole fired-for-blogging thing. She apparently has a younger daughter that is almost three and she wrote a post about her daughter's current attitude and behaviors. My friend forwarded it to me because she comes to our house every Wednesday night for dinner and to hang out and watch Modern Family and she has not only witnessed the crazy, but was the first person I finally opened up to about not having laughed in days.
You can read the Dooce post here: Dreaded Year. I encourage you to do so.
The funny thing about parenting for me is that while I know it is an exercise in futility to compare one's kids against another, sometimes all I need is some validation that my kid isn't the only one in the world exhibiting behaviors like bibbity-boop. I can get overwhelmed in thoughts of the future and convince myself that OUR kid is going to be an axe-murderer someday solely based on his need to pummel his sister with felt vegetables.
Of all my super-close friends/confidants here in the Boston area, only one of them has children -- her son is a year older than Little G and her daughter is 6 weeks younger than Ladybug -- so I don't have a lot of examples of the range of 'normal' behavior. On top of that, I'm involved with a private Facebook board of women all over the country who are either already parents, trying to become parents or thinking about being a parent someday. But I have one of the oldest kids of all the women on the board, so there really isn't anyone to commiserate with about the crazy-pants things that Little G's been up to lately. While I'm trying to figure out if staring me down while blatantly disregarding my authori-tah is a precursor to high school bullying, most of them are still trying to figure out teething or what stroller system to register for. Don't get me wrong, I was in their shoes not too long ago, so I'm not knocking them, I'm just in a position where I can't get as much out of the group than if Ladybug were my first child -- and I make it a point to not share too much of the crazy-awful because they are all in that honeymoon phase of having babies and no one wants to shit on that by saying 'you think things are awesome now, but I promise you it will start to totally suck someday' (ok...that's a bit drastic...but you catch my drift). I wouldn't have wanted someone to do that to me.
All of that to say that reading Dooce's post on her daughter was very helpful to me because it was a small window into the world of another mom with an almost-three year old and validation that no, my kid isn't the only one who acts the way he does. And just that little bit of hope, believe it or not, was like the smallest beam of light breaking through the darkness on a cloudy afternoon.
I still plan to call the doctor. A doctor. Some doctor, somewhere. Not sure if I'll go with the referral from my PCP or go rogue at this point. But I made a promise to myself and my family and I intend to keep it. In the meantime, I'm feeling a little bit better about the state of our union here.
That said, I hope you all have a fantastic Mother's day...do me a favor and go call your mother and thank her for loving you and caring for you, especially for when you were almost three.