Friday, May 11, 2012

Mama Called the Doctor

...and the doctor said she's retiring.


And I can either transfer to the other doctor in her practice or head out on my own.  The problem with that first option being that the other doctor in her practice is totally hot.  And funny.

So that's not going to work out for me.

Double sigh.

She did however give me the names of two doctors that I could call to hopefully start to get some help.  I haven't gotten up the courage to call them though. I did post on my local mom board hoping to find out what the protocol was for getting help and found out that I need more than just a therapist if I want to continue to take drugs to manage the darkness.

Baby steps.

In other news, a friend of mine forwarded a recent Dooce post.  We have a bit in common, that Dooce lady and I...what with the whole fired-for-blogging thing.  She apparently has a younger daughter that is almost three and she wrote a post about her daughter's current attitude and behaviors.  My friend forwarded it to me because she comes to our house every Wednesday night for dinner and to hang out and watch Modern Family and she has not only witnessed the crazy, but was the first person I finally opened up to about not having laughed in days.

You can read the Dooce post here: Dreaded Year.  I encourage you to do so.

The funny thing about parenting for me is that while I know it is an exercise in futility to compare one's kids against another, sometimes all I need is some validation that my kid isn't the only one in the world exhibiting behaviors like bibbity-boop.  I can get overwhelmed in thoughts of the future and convince myself that OUR kid is going to be an axe-murderer someday solely based on his need to pummel his sister with felt vegetables.

Of all my super-close friends/confidants here in the Boston area, only one of them has children -- her son is a year older than Little G and her daughter is 6 weeks younger than Ladybug -- so I don't have a lot of examples of the range of 'normal' behavior.  On top of that, I'm involved with a private Facebook board of women all over the country who are either already parents, trying to become parents or thinking about being a parent someday.  But I have one of the oldest kids of all the women on the board, so there really isn't anyone to commiserate with about the crazy-pants things that Little G's been up to lately.  While I'm trying to figure out if staring me down while blatantly disregarding my authori-tah is a precursor to high school bullying, most of them are still trying to figure out teething or what stroller system to register for.  Don't get me wrong, I was in their shoes not too long ago, so I'm not knocking them, I'm just in a position where I can't get as much out of the group than if Ladybug were my first child -- and I make it a point to not share too much of the crazy-awful because they are all in that honeymoon phase of having babies and no one wants to shit on that by saying 'you think things are awesome now, but I promise you it will start to totally suck someday' (ok...that's a bit drastic...but you catch my drift).  I wouldn't have wanted someone to do that to me.

All of that to say that reading Dooce's post on her daughter was very helpful to me because it was a small window into the world of another mom with an almost-three year old and validation that no, my kid isn't the only one who acts the way he does.  And just that little bit of hope, believe it or not, was like the smallest beam of light breaking through the darkness on a cloudy afternoon.

I still plan to call the doctor.  A doctor.  Some doctor, somewhere.  Not sure if I'll go with the referral from my PCP or go rogue at this point. But I made a promise to myself and my family and I intend to keep it.  In the meantime, I'm feeling a little bit better about the state of our union here.

That said, I hope you all have a fantastic Mother's me a favor and go call your mother and thank her for loving you and caring for you, especially for when you were almost three.


  1. Ok, I just went and read that Dooce post, and MAN! You moms so do not get enough credit if that's what 3 year olds are like!

    It's terrifying. And really refreshing, actually. More moms need to share the real life stuff that happens when raising kids, not the glossy and shiny parts that are on most blogs. Not that I'm a mom or know much about kids, but that's one of the reasons I love your blog, you talk about the rough parts too (like your day going to traffic court, for which you deserve a medal for just getting through!). I appreciate knowing what I'm getting into if we do decide to have kids!

    So just know that I really admire you and your strength in being a mother to your kids. I don't always comment, but I'm reading!

  2. Glad you still have calling a doctor on your radar. You do what you Know you need to be the person you really are. (i hope that sounded supportive, I am trying to verbalize a kudos to you).

    Second. Look- i know being a mom is isolating. I have a young tike. I resigned my job, I am looking for a position even though I don't need to work but I WANT to. At least a part time position- but none is to be had in my field currently. And with my hubby who works crazy 80+ hr weeks sometimes I just want to commiserate with someone to make me feel better? Adequate? Justify my feelings of how this is tougher than I thought mothering/parenting would be?

    There is a mom in my church play group who has a son who sounds like your lil G. She is 26 & already has a second kiddo 3 months old. She told me this mornin her first son scratches at the baby etc- even though she tries to redirect him- and she see love from the first kiddo to the second- but because the first is an aggresive active toddler he is learning how to love gently. She told me since I am fearful of having a second to realize that every moment with kids is a loving teachable moment and that is why parenting is so exhausting. You are constantly teaching. Every second of the day.

    Anyhow. I dont think it matter the age of the mother. I am 32, and i am learning from moms who are in their 20's and even older momma's. You just have to find a mom or group of mom's.... Develop your own village who manage to speak to you and your spirit in the way that is beneficial, hopeful, loving & nurturing so you can find your path in motherhood. It was hard for me to do but slowly I am finding it for myself so that I don't go stir crazy or discouraged in the beautiful chaos of these toddler years! :-)

  3. Oh yeah, the Trying Threes. Before we got here, I tried so hard to get ANYONE to explain to me why they were so bad. I just kept hearing "Oh, threes are the WORST," but no one would say why. Hate to warn you, but in our experience so far they have indeed been the worst. The level of tantrums and difficulty is just so much high, even than two. (There was one so bad last week, with the screaming and the thrashing, that I'm still actually half convinced it was a seizure.) Luckily, between tantrums, she's more functional and expressive and imaginative and delightful by the day. And you know you can always email me, dear.

    P.S. I know this is a totally different situation, but the one time I used to get facials, the facialist was the world's hottest guy. I would have thought it would be uncomfortable to have him squeezing my pores, but it was oddly comforting to have this gorgeous guy interested in taking care of me on that level. (So I paid him for it, whatever....) If he's a caring guy, maybe a hot doctor would be the same?

  4. Did I ever tell you about the time the state took peanut away from me because I didn't now how to handle my three year old? ...Hang in there. It does get better. Good luck my friend. Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk about three year olds. Or four year olds. Or five....

  5. Jennifer BuchananMon May 21, 08:04:00 PM

    Thanks for your honesty.  It is so refreshing.