Saturday, May 01, 2010

Lonely Road

As Little G continues to grow and progress I am consistently surprised at just how isolating having a baby really is. I promised myself it wouldn't be this way. I have schlepped us to groups and classes and play dates almost daily. But when I am at home with Little G, and it is just the two of us and I look up at the clock and there are still three. more. long. hours. until daddy gets home, I am struck by how lonely I feel. And I wonder how I let it get this bad.

Before having a baby, I worked at home on my business three days a week. One would think that would have been isolating, but instead, with the power of the Internet I was able to quickly converse with friends via IM or follow a conversation on a board some friends of mine have. It was just the level of interaction I needed to keep myself from feeling isolated.

But with a baby, I rarely have time to get on my computer. I had been using my iPhone to keep up with the boards I follow and to text some friends, but I lost those privileges when I failed my weight loss challenge. But even before I lost usage of my iPhone, I still felt isolated sometimes.

The problem is that while it would seem there are so many women out there in the same situation as me, finding a mommy-friend soul mate is a just as difficult, if not more, as finding a life partner. You need to find someone who 'gets' you. Someone who you can just call out of the blue and say , 'My, what a shit-tastic day I'm having...wanna come over and drink?' without fearing that person will call DSS on your sorry ass.

Obviously, we all understand the challenges in finding friends that 'get' you...but then add in the other variables. For instance, it would be nice if that person also worked from home so that you weren't calling them about your shit-tastic day with your kid while they're sitting behind a desk in an office only wishing they could have a whole day to be shit-tastic with their baby.

Additionally, it would be helpful if their kid was the same age as, to the week. Because if there is one thing I would be unprepared for in motherhood it was how different your lives are from someone who had a baby even two months before or after you since the little buggers change so much in the first year.

And then, you need to factor in whether or not this person is from the area in which case they might have a network of family and lifelong friends in place from which they may have already found their mommy-friend soul mate. But you do want them to be local because there is something to be said for a change of atmosphere which you just can't get by talking to someone in another state over the phone

Of course, as in all relationships, sometimes the perfect catch isn't wrapped up the way we thought they would be. My relationship with my husband is a perfect example of this; we share completely different religious backgrounds and value totally different things, yet we have created a wonderful marriage filled with respect and fun and love. So I have hope that my mommy-friend soul mate is out there...somewhere...even if they don't necessarily meet all of those previously mentioned qualifications.

So anyway, if you know a mommy who is looking for a mommy-friend soul mateherself, give her my number. I'm a creative, funny, slightly to moderately insane, definitely neurotic, stay-at-home mom to a beautiful 10 month old boy in the Boston suburbs looking for someone to be able to call up (and be called) out of the blue to just hang out and decompress without the fear of being hauled off to a mental institution. Oh, and I like the beach, waffles, those days of summer that fall after my birthday but before the 4th of July, and Justin Timberlake.


  1. Sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I'm not in the same situation, but there have been times in the past when I'd also long for closer friends. I do think it's more of a challenge to nurture new friendships now that we're older. But the opportunities are still there and we still have many years ahead of us to discover new kindred spirits. I've also realized that sometimes I feel down when I simply focus on what I don't have and lose sight of what I already do have. You and I are both lucky to have such great loves in our lives and now you have your little G as well. Don't forget to count your blessings for now and I'm sure that the new mommy friends will come in the future. :-) Keep your chin up, dear.

  2. i wish i could be your mommy friend! i'm sorry you feel so isolated, i can only imagine how it feels. we should get together more often - i often work from home on fridays so we could maybe grab lunch or ice cream one of those days. :) also just starting to take pilates on sunday evenings in JP if you are interested. :)

  3. i, too, am in the same situation. :) ditto on any mommy-friends in the houston, texas area. i completely understand. too bad we're states away. boo that.